There’s not one single person I want to call

[Fragileandcomposed]

I’m at the end of my tether I think.
The only thing keeping me here is basic will to live.
I’m so lonely. I’ve not seen any friends since last March. I’ve lost contact with most because I’m not good on the phone and hate zoom. Everyone I know is struggling anyway and what can they really do? What would help is being able to see someone and do something normal and that’s not possible right now.
I was ok last lockdown because I didn’t think we’d still be in it a year later but now I’m realising this is it. Maybe for another year, maybe longer. It’s the same for everyone I know.
I can’t get any space. The dc and dh are here all the time and it’s making me feel like I cannot breathe. I don’t have a great relationship with dh and lockdown has compounded it but made it much harder for me to leave.
I cannot see then point in going on. I have felt suicidal before but I usually hang on in there until it abates. This is not abating. It’s getting worse. I just want an off switch, I’m scared if I make mess of it and fail I will be left with a disability and will be even more of a burden.
How do I make this better on my own? I just don’t know how.

I think you need to call or email eg the Samaritans this weekend to discuss your feelings; or call 111 & say you feel suicidal so they will triage you & let a doctor know.

Then On Monday phone your GP. Be very honest with them,
You sound as if you are clinically depressed & need treatment to help you pull out of it.

I'm going through a depressive phase too right now, I don't think lockdown helps.
But I have a psychiatrist & mental health team to help me.

Please hang in there & try to think of the positives in your life for example that you have children. x

Fragile, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You will know best the things to do for yourself, but I wonder if you would also speak to your GP? I know people can't practically help necessarily, but feeling like this is shit and sometimes even if seeking help doesn't go smoothly, it can get you through today. We are in the depths of January right now in a crapper situation than we could have imagined - but as the year moves on maybe you will be able to make the changes, or some of them, that you want to. I don't know. But it might be possible. Sending you good vibes for today ❤️ x

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It really is such a difficult time for so many people.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

I feel totally weirdly separate - like everyone is in a different time or place to me.
I’m ok to type but I’m finding talking difficult. I don’t feel like I’m really here.

If you find talking hard but can text maybe try this:

giveusashout.org/get-help/

I know how you feel. I am very anxious and depressed at the minute. I am trying to push myself to get out the house to the shops but even that is too much some days. Access your go and ask to be in touch with the mental health team or crisis team. They are great. They’ve helped me a lot. Inbox me if you want a chat. You’re not alone x

When in lockdown or Tiers, the thing I do is look at what we can do.

If you are lonely, you can go on exercise with one person. Who would you like that person to be?

Go outside and exercise with a walking frame/stick if exercise is difficult.
Getting outside is rather crucial.

I am happy to DM you if that is ok?

Sorry for being new to all this but what is dc and dh? X

dear child and dear husband I think. I am new[well old returned] too.
there is a list of commonly used abbreviations to this site somewhere. Well, there used to be, anyway.

Op, do you work?

Thanks lighthand that’s cleared that up for me x

Lightand sorry xx

How are you feeling now @Fragileandcomposed ?