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Husband trying but I’m not letting him

18 replies

Suz4215 · 13/12/2020 14:17

Please be kind. I’m feeling very low. Don’t want to drip feed so this might be a long post. Please bear with me.

Been married for 10 years. Since first child was born marriage had been going down hill. MIL would walk into our home with spare key, take my daughter out of cot whilst I was in shower. I would panic upon finding cot empty. She would walk into our home at all hours of the day or night. I pleaded with husband to talk to her but he never did. She stopped me from visiting my family since child was born as she “would miss my daughter too much”. She cried when I went away for a weekend as she didn’t get to hold my daughter for 2 days! Husband never stepped in and spoke to her. After many years of this I exploded at her. She calmed down massively this was 7 years ago and since then I’ve had another child. Since I started standing up for myself DH has been distant with me a d stopped sleeping in our bed. We haven’t had sex for 3 years. He’s cold with me and I feel punishes me. Ive cried and asked him to change and be more loving but he has ignored me.

2 weeks ago was 10 year anniversary and we didn’t do anything. Yesterday he surprised me with lovely gifts and said we had a dinner reservation. I was a little shocked and uncomfortable and said I didn’t want to go as kids would be with MIL as she would complain so I suggested we do something as a family. Things were okay but I asked him in car what our plans would be for Xmas and New Years in the car as we were driving and he went crazy saying his mum wants is with her. We fought and just came home.

I know he was trying but I feel hurt after all these years. I have no one to talk to as I pretend everything is good with him. I feel so low. I just don’t know.

I’ve considered suicide as I feel so empty and low all the time. The only thing stopping me is my kids. I just can’t carry on. I know he was trying yesterday and I feel bad

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 13/12/2020 14:25

I'd say to speak to your GP. I don't think that now is the time to make decisions while you are feeling so low.

Once you are feeling a bit better you can decide to stay in your marriage and try to make it work or to leave.

lovepickledlimes · 13/12/2020 14:42

I think like pp suggested. Try get a appointment to speak to your GP and then see what it is that you want. He does seem to be trying to make an effort now but not sure if it's a bit of 'too little too late' kind of situation. I would recommended getting some kind of couples therapy to try work through this issue if you do decide you want to try make this work

Nottherealslimshady · 13/12/2020 14:47

Speak to your GP about the suicide issue, you need help with that.

The rest of it is all your DHs doing. He's choosing his mother over you and that's not right. Couples therapy is a good suggestion. An unbiased person may put some perspective on it for him.

Seems like you live very close to his family and far from yours. What's stopping you moving into the middle?

SpaceOp · 13/12/2020 14:48

I am not sure that effort after all this time in the form of dinner is really that helpful. Between you, you have let things go on for a long time. Yo are resentful of MIL (it's not clear whether she's still controlling you/your family) and he is probably resentful that you pushed back.

I would agree that while feeling so low there's little you can do but I would be considering what to do long term. Seek help, perhaps therapy, and if you want to save the marriage, talk to your husband about what needs to happen. Otherwise this relationship is doomed.

PinkiOcelot · 13/12/2020 14:57

Your husband is trying? I don’t think he is OP. He moved out of your room and haven’t had sex for 3 years because you stood up to his mother? Fuck me!
I honestly think if you got rid of this absolute mummy’s boy your MH would improve! My first LTB. Met him go back to mummy!!

Suz4215 · 13/12/2020 14:58

Thank you all. I’m sat here on my own again as he’s taken kids to MIL. She does still control our family. They are gone all day Sunday and once during week after school he takes them. I know I sound childish but a part of me doesn’t want to forgive him. He’s had so many years to make things right. I just didn’t feel like sitting down for dinner with him pretending everything is good was what I wanted to do. He’s been in a mood and telling me he lost his deposit and wasted his money.

I feel very low today and considers ending it. I don’t want to tho as I can’t imagine how my kids will feel when they get back and find me. I have to keep living for them. I hate my husband for letting his mother put so much resentment in our marriage.

OP posts:
Zlistceleb · 13/12/2020 15:01

So sorry for you OP. Please please talk to your gp or the samaritans on 116 123. You can also email them if its easier.

Suz4215 · 13/12/2020 15:04

Thank you. Is there any tips anyone can give me to just keep going and try to just focus on the future and stop feeling like this? I just feel so low and alone. I’m not religious and I know people can find comfort in God but I don’t have that. I can’t talk to anyone in my life. I’m sat here now looking at the state of the house as I’m too depressed to clean, DH just ignored the mess. I know I need to get myself sorted for kids but I can’t

OP posts:
GoudaGirl · 13/12/2020 15:06

As others have said but also try Relate (can do it online if you can afford it-- you can do this singly - doesn't have to be together. Don't make any decisions until you feel better though.Flowers

BigFatLiar · 13/12/2020 15:25

I agree with counselling but must say from what you've said he really needs to sort out the relationship between his mother and your family (you him and dc).

As for Christmas, time you had a family Christmas at home. Let them visit boxing day.

Barmyfarmy · 13/12/2020 15:27

Op I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your feelings are completely valid and it's understandable you feel so low and like you need to escape. It's also understandable that you didn't react with happy happy smiles and gratefulness when your husband 'tried'. It's been a long standing issue that wasn't going to be fixed by him trying to woo you for once. He's to blame too.

There are lots of option open to you, many are long term but for now, try to focus on the positives in your life, write a list or think it through in your head and work out what your priorities are and what you want to change. Try not to think too deeply about negatives- see them more as things that need to change.

While your DC are out put a film on or do something to keep you busy. Be kind to yourself, have a cuppa and some biscuits or have a lovely warm shower. Try to distract yourself, even if it doesn't work it's nice to have something to focus on while you think, or some background noise. Doing something routine such as painting my nails, sweeping a floor or folding clothes really helps when I need to clear my head, it may help you too.

Your long term options depend on how financially secure you are and your support network.
You first need to speak to your GP asap to seek support for your mental health as it's decline will effect your ability to think clearly and make sensible, safe decisions.
Then your options are make a plan to leave your husband (which requires you to be financially stable, have a support network for childcare and emotional support and a plan of where you'll live and how you'll fund your life.) Do you work? Do you have a support system?

Your other option is to be completely open with your husband and voice every concern you have. This could be in letter form if you find it difficult to talk to him without arguing or becoming upset. Tell him what needs to change to make you happy, and ask him what you can change to make him happy. This may mean compromising and telling your MIL she can visit the children in an agreed space at an agreed time once a week. Tell your husband you'll be seeking help from the GP for your mental health if you feel able, it'll likely be easier to tell him in advance rather than him finding out.

It's okay if the house is a mess, get your kids tidying their toys when they get back and when you feel up to it you can crack on with small areas while listening to music or watching a film to make it easier. I've been in your situation where cleaning and tidying seems impossible but I found watching a film really helped, it meant I could take breaks and focus on the film for a bit and then carry on. If it takes 3 hours to tidy and hoover one room, that's okay.

Samaritans are great to chat to, even if you aren't feeling suicidal in that moment. You don't have to be religious to speak to them, and they won't push anything on you. You can end the call at anytime if you don't want to talk anymore.

Be kind to yourself, you're doing your best and you will be okay, OP. Flowers

CarolineMumsnet · 13/12/2020 15:31

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Best wishes from everyone at MNHQ

Flowers Flowers

WhatsAParlay · 13/12/2020 15:32

Dear OP, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. Having been clinically depressed for more than a decade of my life, thanks to my marriage also, I can relate to how you are feeling and I'd like to suggest to you some of the things that helped me:

Go to your GP and make sure you are clear about your thoughts of harming yourself - you will most likely be prescribed antidepressants and this will, in a short period, help you to function again and be able to make decisions more safely.

Ask your H to attend counselling with you. Relate are very good. If he won't attend with you then please seek counselling for yourself.

When you feel stronger, consider leaving this marriage. See a solicitor and understand what your options are. At the very least you will have your DCs 50% of the time and that time will be yours and you will be free of MIL when you have them. She and ex would have no jurisdiction over you whatsoever.

Most of all OP, please keep going. You have two beautiful children who need you. This will pass. I am through the other side now, a place I thought I would never see, and I am so glad to be here. That time will come for you, and you must focus on that now and believe you will get there. Then start taking baby steps towards it. You can do it.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 13/12/2020 17:31

As others have said, please talk to your GP about how you’re feeling. As for your cunt of a husband, couples counselling might work but in my experience if he hasn’t been supportive by now counselling won’t make a difference- his relationship with his mother apparently more important than the family he has created with you by the sounds of it. Which is sad but ultimately his own doing.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 13/12/2020 17:33

Also he’s not trying that hard really. A dinner reservation and a couple of expensive presents doesn’t make up for his behaviour over the last few years especially as it only temporarily glossed over the issues- it wasn’t long before he lost it with you while making it very clear that his mummy is more important than you are.

Suz4215 · 13/12/2020 18:35

Thank you all. Yes I agree I do need to speak to GP again. He did prescribe me sertaline I think it was 25mg but I had really bad side effects with it. This was during the first lockdown in late March

If I’m being truly honest I knew talking about holiday plans would result in an argument but I still went ahead. He’s not 100% at fault, in my defence I needed to know what we were doing S d I’ve avoided the topic for so long. I don’t know why I chose that moment to speak to him. We could have had a lovely day and kids would have had fun too. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I think this is really toxic for us both. He’s not a bad guy , we’re just very different in terms of I consider our family as consisting of us 4, but he considers his parents are big part of our lives. I feel all our decisions are always made thinking about how his mum will be happiest.

OP posts:
Suz4215 · 13/12/2020 18:38

I feel his mum is the OW in our relationship! I know that sounds really weird but I truly believe this is the dynamic of our marriage. I absolutely hate her. I don’t think things will improve until she’s out of the picture completely. I’m thinking divorce will be really hard. I saw what she did and all the lies she spewed when her brother got divorced. She literally turned the whole family against her own SIL. I dread to think what she will do to me.

OP posts:
TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 13/12/2020 18:50

Hypothetically, if you were to divorce your husband and his mother spewed a load of bile about you... so fucking what? I don’t mean that in a flippant way as I’ve been through similar and had all sorts of things said about me by my ex, his friends and his family. Did it piss me off? At first it definitely did. I raged and was hurt but then one of my friends pointed out to me that this crap they were spouting didn’t matter, to cut off the source of it so I didn’t have to hear about it- I was hearing about it from one specific person- and that I and everyone who knows me properly knows none of what they said about me was true. Several years on even when my kids say stuff that grandparents or dad have said about me I can put it right without getting upset. It annoys me when my kids are dragged into it but at least they’re smart enough to know that daddy and the grandparents are collectively not quite right in the head.

I guess what I’m saying is, don’t let that nasty bitch trap you in an unhappy marriage. You share kids with this man so you won’t be totally shot of him but you should be able to have nothing to do with his mum. Also in my personal experience of sertraline it was horrible and I didn’t last on it. The GP should be able to prescribe something else. Remember though that basically all of them have side effects initially and it can take a few weeks to settle down.

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