a "friend" told me , why dont I just admit to having PND and bl**dy sort it out !

[melsy]

I could have done another suedonym thread , but I just cant face trying to remember who I am on here.

I dotn know if anyone knows any of my history on here and most, if they do, are probably fed up with it all. Search archives and it will all come up.

This, if I have depression will be the 3rd bout. The thing with her rather broad stroke comment on my psychological mindset , was that it was based on limited knowledge of whats going on in my life right now and I think any level headed ok person would have faultered by now. Im angry at her , possibly because there was some truth in what she said but couple that with her lack of information about my life and its made me feel very hurt. Another of this grp of friends has also been particualrly strange to me since dd2 had scarlet fever and I was unable to retrun her phone calls as I had a bit of a peak in anxiety last week.

My health visitor and home start (who have said they can no longer care for me) have urged me to seek professional help , but Im struggling with going to GP ,the last time I went he wanted me on Venlafaxine and I hate the idea of being doped up ad numb to all emotions. I would prefer to have CBT ot some dynamic therapy , but I fought tooth and nail for it 3 yrs ago (It came when heavily pregnant with dd2 an was needed after dd1 2yrs prior) and worry it will be a fight again and I find that thought gives me great anxiety.

My parents feel what Im feeling is just a symptom of whats been going on and shouldn't be made to feel I have a problem , but Im not sleeping well , feel tearful most of the time, eating loads of rubbish (I stopped being a nosher a long while ago) and am aching and sore all over. .

Im really pushing myself to keep going , go out , go shopping ,socialise (although havent been out with friends for months) but I cant seem to stop and relax at all , its like Im wired to the electrics , and yet Im beyond exhausted.

Im dreading the school run , as it means talking and being around hundreds of people and Im also not even looking forward to social things, they render me panicking about how I look and confused about arrangements. My dh and I are due to go away with no kids over the weekend and Im really anxious about leaving my dd's as the eldest has been quite ill.

I will eventually end up at the gp , but may be I need to talk this through 1st to sound out how and were I am in all this.

Have added you to msn contacts pelvic.

well done!
FWIW i think you are right not to want to
take dd, you need to be able to speak freely to gp, especially if she doesn't know you well
x

glad you have made the appointment. is doing CBT privately a possibility to save you waiting? there are CBT computer courses you can do - mood gym and one that is endorsed by Scottish department of health - i'll try and dig out web links if you are interested.

also are you anywhere near a surestart/children's centre, as really good ones offer counselling/courses with creches/the odd free pamper type treatment

my dh wont agree with any finances spent on this ,as have done several things privately already and his thinking is that if those things didnt work , why is anything else going to be different.

I will wait and see what the gp says there is in this area. Ill have a look into surestart, I assume this is different to Homestart?????

Ive actually done mood gym , thought it was good , but think that some of these things whislt very informative, I need a practical support through it to push me into doing the work. I have saved the other one , living life or something is it ???

Thank you for your suggestions though , it all helps formulate what works for you or doesnt, as at least its there to discuss , rather than holding it inside.

Not a great few days ,as my uncle (not related as such) , passed away last night and were all sitting here numb.He only was diagnosed in May and hes had a hard painful and horrid time. The funeral is Sun , so dh and I have had to cancel our weekend away. Its all so sad and tragic , he was a lovely man and its affecting everyone around our community. Ill be glad when Sun is over, but I want to be there to say goodbye in a way. Im glad I saw him last week and we chatted, but the image of him in his bed , half the size of the man he was, is haunting me.I keep having to push images in of him last yr and hear his voice. Bless him xxxx.

Now wouldnt you have thought that a dh would have made the effort to be home at a good time to help me considering everything and our bad news, Ive been at mys sisters all day helping her with her sil kids being there all day and all our kids are off for half term. Ive barely slept fr days , he sees Im a mess physically and mentally and only left the office 20mins ago , am I just muggins here that means jack sh*t to everyone? I really feel his just takne the right piss. Like his business is more important than anything right now?????????????? I dont get it , I really dont , IM LIVID , god doesnt anger hurt .

I really want to go far far far far far far away

This house is making me feel sick. I just want to scream and tear at the walls. I cant even cry about my uncle.

oh I think it can be a normal DH type reaction that, when I was PG and depressed DH would deliberately work late, as he could cope with work, whereas I was too volatile iyswim. sorry to hear about your loss, I wish you long life. (hope I'm guessing the religion right!!!!).

surestart - government type initiative - primarily set up for poorer areas but now far less postcode driven - provides all sorts of toddler groups/classes/support groups for mums/classes for mums/parenting classes. BTW tends to be an educated middle class mum contingent using it anyway! Some centres (particularly children's centres) provide more than others - a really good one I go to has a creche for you to do parenting classes/courses and the odd freebie pamper treatment (as obviously these are very popular)

As well as learning how to add up and speak french, people should learn how to support people with depression and understand what it means to have it.

a very strange and sad week has passed since I last wrote on here.

I ended up going to my parents friday as I just couldn't argue with dh any longer , he refused to say he was drunk and didnt think hed been wrong at all.

Suffice to say we sort of made it up by Saturday.

I have my appointment later today and Im nervous even though shes a lovely gp.I keep thinking, may be Im just being dramatic and im just having a difficult time?????

Weve had a traumatic 7 days , my uncle, whos not related (but connected through marriages and family), tragically passed away last week and were all affected quite badly by it and dd1 is ill yet again and off school again till next week.

I dont know what to do or say anymore

if anyone reading , Ive been to gp today and from all the symptoms I described she has stated that I have a "mild" anxiety and depression disorder. She felt I should be on an anti depressant long term, but decided for now to just monitor me and make an appt for every 2 weeks to see her if shes in the country or the previous GP who I went to a couple of years ago. I told her about a severe panic attack and fit 3 yrs ago, (whilst having been on citalopram for several months) and she commented that that is very very unusual whislt medicated , so is using caution with prescripting .The only thing was it confused me , as one minute she said she suggested them and then the next she wasnt sure??????

Shes not a partner gp so cant do the CBT group referral (although again she used the phrase long term with regards to therapy) but said she will speak with my HV and the other partner gp's about it.

There were 2 students in the room , who nicely said I did really well to come in and be open about it all.

I feel all over the place about it now, as it seemed a bit ambiguous.

Even dh commented and said , so what do I do now whilst I wait for a plan of action???????????????

sorry seeing the GP felt a bit anti-climactic, hopefully if you feel similar in 2 weeks time, something will be done. if GP doesn't feel comfortable prescribing, could you suggest you get referred to a psychiatrist?