a "friend" told me , why dont I just admit to having PND and bl**dy sort it out !

[melsy]

I could have done another suedonym thread , but I just cant face trying to remember who I am on here.

I dotn know if anyone knows any of my history on here and most, if they do, are probably fed up with it all. Search archives and it will all come up.

This, if I have depression will be the 3rd bout. The thing with her rather broad stroke comment on my psychological mindset , was that it was based on limited knowledge of whats going on in my life right now and I think any level headed ok person would have faultered by now. Im angry at her , possibly because there was some truth in what she said but couple that with her lack of information about my life and its made me feel very hurt. Another of this grp of friends has also been particualrly strange to me since dd2 had scarlet fever and I was unable to retrun her phone calls as I had a bit of a peak in anxiety last week.

My health visitor and home start (who have said they can no longer care for me) have urged me to seek professional help , but Im struggling with going to GP ,the last time I went he wanted me on Venlafaxine and I hate the idea of being doped up ad numb to all emotions. I would prefer to have CBT ot some dynamic therapy , but I fought tooth and nail for it 3 yrs ago (It came when heavily pregnant with dd2 an was needed after dd1 2yrs prior) and worry it will be a fight again and I find that thought gives me great anxiety.

My parents feel what Im feeling is just a symptom of whats been going on and shouldn't be made to feel I have a problem , but Im not sleeping well , feel tearful most of the time, eating loads of rubbish (I stopped being a nosher a long while ago) and am aching and sore all over. .

Im really pushing myself to keep going , go out , go shopping ,socialise (although havent been out with friends for months) but I cant seem to stop and relax at all , its like Im wired to the electrics , and yet Im beyond exhausted.

Im dreading the school run , as it means talking and being around hundreds of people and Im also not even looking forward to social things, they render me panicking about how I look and confused about arrangements. My dh and I are due to go away with no kids over the weekend and Im really anxious about leaving my dd's as the eldest has been quite ill.

I will eventually end up at the gp , but may be I need to talk this through 1st to sound out how and were I am in all this.

Thankfully dh did school run today and hes doing pick up too. Half term starts tomorrow so no more school runs for a week !!

Hi, sorry you are feeling like this. My friend is pretty similar to you and rings me up sometimes in floods of tears and anxious about all sorts of stuff and I say to her; deal with one thing at a time.

We talk things through alot and if you were her now i'd say to go and see the doctor.

First things first.Once you have done that, move on to the next thing. One step at a time.

I hope you sort things out

Melsy

You poor thing and what a very insensitive friend,she obviously has no personal experience of depression .

Depression is a cruel and debilitating condition,i know believe me.
When you say that what you are feeling is a symptom of what has gone on ,that is very true and most people having been through all that would feel very stressed and low .I think maybe what the difference is though with how you are feeling is that it hasn't disappeared or eased off.(hope that makes sense)

Please see your your GP melsy,they may push for you to get the CBT.
I know what you mean about taking the tablets(i have tried most),i struggle to stay off them to be honest but if i felt i had reached a point for a length of time where i felt helpless without them ,i would go back on them.

I have to rush off in a minute but didn't want to ignore your post.I shall be around here tonight if you would like a chat or if you have MSN we could chat there?

Hugs to you for now sweetie

xxxxx

Thank you for replies, I appreciate people talking with me , its very hard in my social circle to discuss these things openly.

The thing is she has had depression , shes just quite hard about things.

ok so what yuor saying is pelvic , that if wasn't depressed I would have felt anxious and then when it passed it would have lifted somewhat. Im feeling you are right and could be a sign of depression. See its hard to know isnt it , as its soo gradual sometimes , you cant always see the change.

I think her comments , as she discussed me not coping with my girls at all and said Id been like thi long before dd1 started getting unwell, ended up makign me feel like a failure as a mum and that really hurts deeply.

Would be good to talk on msn pelvic , the more I talk about everything openly the better I suppose , and I stop driving mad the ones who've heard it all before!!!! I must sound like broken record.

I just phoned my HV , as shes been leaving messages about dd1 (she had scarlet fever lastweek) and said I dont sound depressed , so its hard , as Im sitting here with my stomach churning and hands wringing. May be its more the previous anxiety disorder back???

Hv was actually really good ,and was happy to let me talk about the things that have been going on recently. She again urged me to go to GP , as they have a list for a group CBT session I can may be join. She said may its not pills I need right now , but some counselling support.

Hi Melsy - you don't know me and I haven't had depression personlly, but just wante dto give you some support with what ever you feel you can do.

Hi Melsy,

Do your homestart centre have a PND support group? I was offered a place with my local homestart and they've also taken my homestart lady away from me. It was a big wrench for me and I don't think I suffer as badly as you now. There was a time when I did and insensitive friends and family is just typical.

There is a CBT programme on the internet, but you have to pay for it. Other than that your GP should refer you for CBT really. Mine did.

I know how you feel about tablets. I only went on them when I absolutely had to and came off as soon as I felt I didn't need them anymore. There's nothing worse than feeling like a zombie.

ahh I dont know abot the PND support grp with homestart, Im not even sure if I have it or not. It does feel odd that right at this stage I no longer have my homestart lady & it was the manager who said I need help , so odd if they do have a grp and she hasn't suggested it . I suppose they are not equipped to deal with these things, as some things have been very difficult to handle in this house and my immediate family (Im not able to disclose everything here and likewise havent disclosed everything to this "friend").

Kind of you to give support captainmummy.

i just wanted to send a hug i've been a place where i had lots of difficult things going on in my life (to put it mildly!)and found it hard to pick apart what was normal reaction to what was going on and what was PND.

Eventually a good friend said just try antideps, so i did (Cipramil) and they have lifted my mood without knocking me out......I took them at night and after the first fortnight didn't feel zonked in the am

I was wondering
1 if it had to be venlafaxine you take and 2 whether an antidep might lift your mood a bit to help you get the most out of CBT in particular
good luck x

Hello Melsy

I haven't seen your posts before! It sounds as if you have had an awful time, and that your friend is not the most tactful of people to have around.

Just wanted to echo the other advice below about seeing the GP. Don't let the fact that you didn't sound depressed on the phone to the HV confuse you. You can be suffering from depression but sound and feel better temporarily when you are talking to a sympathetic listener.

I found that it helped to write down how I felt, when I was particularly low - a bad day scenario - and then to show that to the GP. Having a piece of paper to show/read out helped a lot - particularly if my appointment was on one of my better days.

Hoping that your GP is able to listen to your concerns and offer you sensible advice. I too hated the idea of ads, but can see that they are valuable temporarily.

With regards to homestart, don't do what I did and just sit there and agree to everything. Ring them and tell them that you desperately still need support. They'll take your homestart lady away if they think you're getting on alright because they have a waiting list.

Take a leaf out of my book (like I should have done myself) and ask for help if you need it, as otherwise you'll just keep sinking.

Perhaps if you're asking yourself the rhetorical question of 'have I got PND' then you already know what the answer is?

Sending you big hugs xxx

Not sure if every Homestart group do the PND groups. Or if it's a local thing!?!?

Melsy cant really talk at the min, but have been and am where you are now. If you do have msn then please add me and we canc hat later,.also have bonus of having worked in mental health.
[email protected]

ps you could see another gp in the practice if you have a difficult relationship with current one. Never hurts to get a fresh perspective on things..

, this is a thread from a few weeks ago.

Ive just said to dh (whos standing here reading this threa !!!). I dont feel to well ,(depressed) and hes saying Im talking myself into it, WHYYYY do people say that , like I WANT to talk myself into depression????????????????????

and now Im getting the "so what are you going to do about it???? Pills , talk to someone AGAIN ? that doesnt help does it"

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

See I dont understand how homestart can sign me off as not needing suport , and then say I need proffesional help . It seems strange to take it away at that point. I was ok whilst seeing the lady assgined to me until the last few weeks , its just all gradually come apon me. I think if you all knew whats been going on for the last few months then you would all understand, but I cant really disclose it all on here.

My stomachs really hurting and Im really giddy all of a sudden .

OK,

So here's the plan:

Go to doctor's and demand CBT. You don't have to take tablets.

Ring your HV and ask her to re-refer you to homestart (yes she can do this, mine did).

Homestart told me that I was to have them for as long as I needed them and then cut my visits down to finish next week. They also told me that one gentleman that had lost his wife had a volunteer for 2 years.

aww melsy sometimes when someone is depressed the people around them cant understand, I think unless you have been to that depth it can be hard to explain it to others. You cant see it and others can think it is a mindset but it really is an illness

my "friend" , said that I keep repeating myself and that when I went shopping with her I got overly excited at being out shopping with the girls for the 1st time since having dd2 and she said it was strange, as I was getting all excited about some sale stuff , and then she said it was like my girls wernt there with me.

she's not very tactful but is there a truth in what she says that you recognise?

Thank you omeN (good anagram) , bless you for giving support too here and all the others x

Take your DH to the postnatal depression bit on mind.org and tell him to read here:

www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+postnatal+depression.htm#How_can_fa milyandfriendshelp

That should make him realise how you feel.

i say that because when my friend tactfully said things to me i knew she was right but hated that it was "out in the open" ignoring the fact that it hadn't been hidden anyway....if that makes sense

yes there probably is some truth in what she said pollywolly, its just hard to accept it.

Ive booked an appt with the gp for next week, not the one that knows my history , as he was fully booked for 2 weeks , but another gp that I have spoken to before and like.I dont want to leave it much longer, as I need to start the ball rolling somehow and if I hopefully have booked the right gp (I cant remember her name) then I feel comfortable going to her. Shes not in the country that often , but at least its a start. May be I can see the other gp a week or so after.

Now Im all anxious thinking about how I can get my dd's looked after , as I dont want to talk about things in front of my dd1, shes far to knowing.

Hi melsy

So glad you have made an appointment,that is a positive step.

With regard to what your dh said about you talking yourself into depression that certainly isn't the case.Admitting you are depressed yes but i don't imagine anyone could be "talked into it"-sorry Mr Melsy.

Yes MSN! my hotmail address is no more 75 at hotmail dot co uk.

xxx