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Original poster

its all gone wrong: i cant do this anymore

48 replies

lucyellensmum · 17/10/2007 18:40

oh god, i should have known better, i allowed myself to be happy today, i felt really good about myself and its just gone so horribly wrong. I feel like my head is going to explode and i just cannot see me being able to get through the next few hours let alone the next few days, or anything.

DP just came home, the bank have basically fucked us over (our own fault really) and put a stop on our accounts, DP cannot pay his guys (hes a builder) or his accounts, and he announced we are two months behind on our mortgage, we have NO money. I thought the business was going ok, i thought we were scraping by. But its worse than i thought.

I have been here before, its nearly finnished us, im so scared.I'm trying so hard to put on a brave face for DP but my head is just swimming around all over the place, dinner time is so stressful with DD and then there is bed time, a nightmare - i cannot allow DP to get stressed tonight as i know he will lose it. Im scared for him, but im on the brink of losing it, i just want to be in a dark quiet room, in bed, asleep - why did i allow myself to be happy and think that i could be happy and settled, i was even making jokes about the fucking plumber. Cooking a lovely meal for DP and its all in ruins again.

I feel like i just want to run away from this life, the only thing that is keeping me here is DD, i love her so much, but how long will it be before i no longer can see that?

Im so scared, please help me

OP posts:
littleNonSpecificHolidaylapin · 17/10/2007 18:43

Hi LEM, I don't know what to say but wanted to acknowledge your point and say we're here... you're doing REALLY well, you're coping with some tough stuff here!

littleNonSpecificHolidaylapin · 17/10/2007 18:44

Post, not point

watling · 17/10/2007 18:53

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fullmoonfiend · 17/10/2007 18:53

LEM, there are things you are in control of right now, tonight. And other things which you can do nothing about tonight. they can wait.
I'm sure you are terrified right now, and it might take a superhuman effort to get through tonight, let alone the next couple of days.
So focus on one thing right now. Hug your dd and your dp, Clean a room, do the ironing, whatever you need to do to just get through the next hour.
When dd is in bed, eat your lovely meal. Then take your cue from dp - he must be terrified too. Listen if he needs to rant, help if he wants to make an action plan.

Tomorrow, ring the CAB first thing and ask about what steps to take.
Remember, everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.

Lots of luck and please accept a hug from a stranger x

watling · 17/10/2007 19:01

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watling · 17/10/2007 19:12

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PhoenixSoaring · 17/10/2007 19:15

bump and (((((hugs))))

fullmoonfiend · 17/10/2007 19:16

LEM - I hope you're OK (you're probaly doing bedtime).
We'll try and keep this bumped for the evening crowd (6-8pm is always a bit quieter on here as people are cooking, sorting dinner, bedtimes etc) But I don't want you to feel no-one cares

watling · 17/10/2007 19:18

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black31cat · 17/10/2007 19:20

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Wish I had some wise words to help but none will come so hope hugs will do instead.
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[LEM]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Lulumama · 17/10/2007 19:21

echo what FMF said

nothing you can do tonight , so just get through it

tomorrow, talk to the bank, to the CAB, to the mortgage provider

most mortgage companies do offer 3 months payment holiday in dire straits

had DP spoken to them at all, or just not made the payments..

being in contact with your creditors will help

can you get any tax credits or benefits?

is your DP working right now, is there money due to come in?

constancereader · 17/10/2007 19:23

Just wanted to send my support, I am so sorry you are scared. I would echo the advice about contacting the CAB, they can be very helpful. I also wanted to say that not only do you have the right to be happy, but that you will be happy again. You are doing a brilliant job looking after your family.

watling · 17/10/2007 19:23

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yaddayah · 17/10/2007 19:24

LEM I've seen you post before (not stalking you honest!) I can't offer any advice but just to let you know that you're not on your own, people do listen and I'm sure something CAN be done

Give your dd a hug, deep breathes

Lulumama · 17/10/2007 19:26

this is scary beacsue no money and the threat of no roof is pretty bad

but your house will not be repossessed tomorrow, or even next week

you will have time to get sorted

i know it is hard to see right now, but you will pull through it

fullmoonfiend · 17/10/2007 19:26

Also LEM, could you use this para below and start a thread on legal/money matters tonight asking what you can do about this? I know there are several Mumsnetters who have been through this sort of crisis and come through the other side. They may be able to offer you a 'step-by-step' guide to debt-crisis etc, as sometimes the CAB don't have appointments straightaway.

I almost started a thread for you, but thought it would be intrusive of me....

''DP just came home, the bank have basically fucked us over (our own fault really) and put a stop on our accounts, DP cannot pay his guys (hes a builder) or his accounts, and he announced we are two months behind on our mortgage, we have NO money. I thought the business was going ok, i thought we were scraping by. But its worse than i thought. ''

spookybatoscar · 17/10/2007 19:26

Hi LEM, couldn't read this and not post. 10 years ago DH and I were £12K Overdrawn and 3 mths behind on the mortgage with no apparent way out. But we're now only £500 OD (and that was recent due to DH's season ticket) and still in the same house.

I know it seems like the end of the world at the moment but IT WILL PASS. Echoing Watling and FMF. See your GP about how you feel and the CAB about your finances tomorrow. Hug DD and DP tonight.

You are doing so well and we are here for you

Hugs freely available if required Take care and get some rest xx

munchkinmum · 17/10/2007 19:28

I know that you feel desparate at the moment but this is not unfixable. It will take time, be tough, but it will resolve itself.

I hope you can take confort in this, can't think of anything else to say apart from echoing Lulumama's practical suggestions of agencies that can support you get through this.

Plus we are here to talk to... we are your friends, a listening ear and all that.....

Hugs to you....

bogie · 17/10/2007 19:29

sorry to hear this, we are in a very simalar position 2 months arrears on our morgatge the banks charging so much we don't have a chance to pay it off. But don't beat yourself up about being happy today, you need a bit of a joke and a bit of fun.
hope you find some way out of it.
my DP went to meet some one about a new part time work alongside what your doing now type job that looks really promising, what area are you?
if you any where near me i can give you some info about it if you liked for you or dp

Lulumama · 17/10/2007 19:30

do you have help from homestart?

also, of there is a childrens' centre near you , they often have useful contacts for debt management, crises that sort of thing

surestart can also be helpful

we are all rooting for you

any chance family can help you out financially till you get back on your feet?

mamazon · 17/10/2007 19:31

sweetheart i have learned that you shouldn't waste energy stressing over thing you cannot help.

sit down and sort through teh things youc an do to help your situation. anything that is out of your control put on a seperate sheet.

when you find yourself worrying over anything on it you can say to yourself "it is out of my control, there is nothing i can do"

i think you need to speak with the bank and then the CAB to see what, if anything can be done.

You will always be able to see how much your daughter needs you. she is your saughter anf you love her dearly.

stay strong.

PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs · 17/10/2007 19:33

LEM I know this might not help, but we've been where you are- dh lost his job and we lost our house (had to sell to clear debts)

when youa re in the middle- or even worse, when you are facing it as a possibility- it looks like the worst thing that can ever happen but please believe me, its not. You do survive. Even more, you learn to be happy again and indeed you just find a different path, thats all. Indeed, often a better one.

Do speak to the CAb tomorrow as theya re fantastic with this stuff. Look after your Dh and DD, and of course very much yourself; its the family that counts. the rest of it is just stuff. there's plenty mroe stuff out there.

take care X

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 17/10/2007 19:33

thankyou so much everyone. I am scared because i cant cope, this is going to go one way or another, im trying to be positive for DP but ive already fucked up dinner as he has had to go out (sax lesson!) Im hoping we can go through some figures later, but i know it is going to turn into a screaming match. I want to cry and i am scared to, he has been through so much with me and my depression, im on 40mg citalopram and on the whole its ok, but right now, im not on this planet. DD is screaming in the other room, and i just want to hide away.

OP posts:
NAB3 · 17/10/2007 19:39

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} As I can't offer anything else.

yaddayah · 17/10/2007 19:39

Go and sort out dd
Forget dinner (have toast or cereal it won't do any harm)

Small things, one at a time