I'm at the end of my rope

[RunOutofRoad]

I'm blatently posting here for traffic. I have been a regular user but this is a new name.

I don't know what to do or how much longer I can go on. I think I'm having a breakdown. But I can't. I have 3 small kids. And a business employing 8 people. That's 8 families to feed. I have a pre existing medical condition that means I live in constant physical pain that's getting worse by the day. I think I've had long Covid since April. And I'm in the deepest of depressions that I can no longer imagine coming out of. In fact I'm heartily sick of this roller coaster ride of being okish and then hanging on for dear life.

My genuinely darling husband is lost too and doesn't know what to do. He's trying but he doesn't seem to realise that I can no longer put one foot in front of the other. In fact, I'd rather not. I'd like to just stop now. Two of my three kids would be ok long term. One would never be ok again amd that's all that's keeping me here. Barely.

Please, please, speak to your doctor (mine will do urgent telephone appointments for MH crises) or, if you can't hang tight till Monday, the MH crisis team or Samaritans.

Chronic pain is enough to push anyone to the edge, so you need better or different pain relief. And in the medium-long term, you need more help in your business, so take on someone to lessen your load.

But it's clear that there's a lot more than just the pain getting to you.

Why not tell us what else is bothering you, and see if anyone here can think of strategies that will help, eg some time away from family demands.

Oh op

Please call your GP ASAP. Please, please, please tell your husband how you're feeling.

It sounds like you mean so much to so many people. I'm so sorry you feel like this.

Please please talk. It’s good you have started here, but you have to like the others hve said call someone.

Please keep talking to us too xx

This may be the wrong thing to say, but congratulations on putting how you feel to paper and opening up. This is progress on a horrid bumpy but not unconquerable road, DO please call your doctor asap and say exactly what you have said here. Have you ever had depression before?

Hi OP,

We're so sorry you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

It's so hard to explain. I'm fed up with it all. The doctors have tried, I've had years have CBT ans other counselling. I can't sleep. I don't sleep more than 3 or 4 hours a night. The consultant neurologist I'm aeeing about the pain may understand clinically and medically what I'm saying but has a strict nothing stronger than paracetemol approach. My GP has prescribed painkillers and I've ended up in hospital on morphine when the pain is simply intolerable.

I WFH and DH has been here lately too but it's about to change and he's going to be gone a couple of days a week. That's nothing. I KNOW. My head knows this. But right now I can't talk to people, even friends. Our family, our business needs this.

No you're explaining it very clearly. The physical pain and sleep deprivation (is the poor sleep related to the pain or to worry?) are bad enough in themselves, then on top of that you are shouldering enormous responsibility. That's how it comes across to me.

Of the people in your business, who of them is the most reliable? Sometimes people are such more willing to step up than we realise, it is a compliment to them. Is there anyone who you could use to do something that would take a little of the load off your shoulders - after all, it's in their own interests too to keep the business going.

I don't have any experience of it but I've read about CBD oil for pain etc, is that worth looking into?