My therapist said I need a hobby - help me to think of one that will actually help

[prufrock]

To cut a v. long and painful story short, I am having therapy after a year on AD's (now finished) afer a pretty terrible depressive episode. I now feel well enough to attack my underlying issues, which are basically obsessive negativity caused by my need to be perfect, caused by my mother (doesn't it always come down to the mother) and other aspects of my childhood. I am very self-aware - so much so that I get into terrible cycles of beating myself up because I'm beating myself up because I'm beating myself up because I'm beating myself up because I'm being negative - you get the picture. We both agree that I need to be easier on myself, but breaking the habits of 29 years is difficult.

how do you feel about animals .. puppy training for RNIB?

what about old people .. surestart home visits / meals on wheels?

Take a look at what evening classes your local college runs.

Maybe something that involves a lot of discussion but isn't working towards an exam or qualification -history of art, languages etc.

Or something physical but relaxing. Yoga has been suggested but theres also Pilates and Tai Chi.

I was thinking of voluntary work like talking to elderly people etc rather than running something (I don't know whats around).

x posts twig

wine tasting?

any 'activity' as such will have an end result .. I can see how you get to that point

but supporting someone else really has no beginning or end .. just small and insignificant boundaries

boundaries victories

A friend of mine goes to her local cat shelter-type place once a week to stroke the cats and kittens - sounds lovely and quite soothing (if you like cats)?

I was also going to suggest voluntary work along the lines of Twiglett's post -hospital visitor? visiting old people? -the type of voluntary work where you're not taking on responsibility but are providing company, discussion, an ear...

I used to go to the Blue Cross Centre and walk the dogs.

How about volunteering to help others with their hobby? Children with disabilities? Elderly people? etc... Selecting and delivering library books to the housebound?

How about joining a book group. That isn't results driven except to read the book in time. Or any other kind of discussion hobby. A local history group?

I'm a bee keeper

It's the most absorbing hobby, and definitely all about the process of the bees - a couple of jars of honey is a bonus, not a consuming goal. It's not really the best time of year to take up bee keeping as everyone has shut up their hives for the winter, but if you contact your local bee keeping association there will be lectures and meetings through the winter - you could be all prepared to help out at an apiary by April.

Deffo not this

but This is good for me and t/shell and lots more MNers besides. We even have our own cliquey threads!

Yoga - tried. Like a bit, but all that breating crap just seems a bit too spiritual

Dog walking - already do. Second puppy is arriving on Saturdy (yeah!) And I do it listening to audiobooks (Richard Dawkins at the moment) so no time for self analysis.

Creative writing - no. I used to rewrite school essays 10 times because they were never good enough (for me)

Suduko, jigsaws, kakuro, crappy games on PC etc - I do them all. They make me feel like a failure because I am wasting my time when I should be doing something more constructive (yet more mother hangover - she always, in fact still does, make a virtue out of being too busy to have any time for herself, so if I do take time out to do something useless I feel guilty). So I suppose I need something that doesn't have a result, but does make me feel like I am enriching myself.

Knitting is pretty good really. It forces you (one) to slow down, concentrate and relax. Towards the end it gets a bit exciting as you do the stitch to put the jumper etc together.

It's good - and I say this as a massively goal orientated, having to readjust personality massively post first baby, person.

Would you like to do some work, unpaid or paid outside the home? Only because it can be a distraction.

It's sounding like art galleries innit Prufrock? Culturally stimulating; pleasurable; ticks the 'what did you do today?' 'oh I went to the Velaquez exhibition' box; fun; serene sometimes; no end result...

I know....

... juggling.

Honest.

It's very therapeutic and kept me sane (ish) at uni learning that rather than studying. I think because it's a physical skill and have to concentrate on what you're doing, there's no space for your brain to worry or mull other stuff over.

Genealogy?? It can be hugely satisfying and while it does have some end results - i.e. you can manage to get a generation further back, or can trace that long lost great great uncle - but it is impossible to reach conclusions for all areas of your family tree, and you know that you will come to dead ends at some points.

There are all sorts of different processes you can use to find ancestors - books, family history societies, libraries, graveyards, research centres. Not to mention the internet, where in turn there are hundreds of different types of source info to use (births, marriages, deaths, censuses, burials, dedicated connection websites, passenger lists, parish records, etc, etc, etc).

Collecting - I am currently looking at my dh's collection of practically every Chelsea programme since 1984. When I discovered the boxes and boxes of them I went to Ikea and bought special shelves to house them and put them all in date order. And I get twitchy every time he takes one out and check he has put it in the right place. So no, probably not a good idea.

No to work www. Dh might be changing jobs so we were discussing the possibility of me temping during his gardening leave. That night I had a v. happy dream about being back in my old job. The next night I had a bad dream - $80m was missing from one of my accounts and I couldn't find it anywhere. I woke up sweating and demanding that dh give me the number of HSBC's swaps team. Te next night I dreamt I had an argument with y old boss and resigned and I woke up wonderfully happy. So no. I'm not going back to work!

Oh pru- I do love you! I'm afraid I smiled rather a lot reading about your spreadsheeting of the garden, even though I'm really sorry that you're feeling rough still.

I think the most fun I've had without an end goal other than fun itself is going swimming with children with disabilities. Is there anything like that in your area? Don't get involved in organising it. Just go along and enjoy it.

Sailing could be nice. You could get a topper and whoop and fly in the wind. Is there any water near you?

how about cooking prufrock? Ok there's an end result but the end result is edible

maybe you could take a chocolatier course? ... ooo imagine .. must make a mistake then I can eat it

just me?

actually not really that much of a joke .. it could be good .. because its quick results

Ok fair enough re work. It's not exactly going to fulfil your 'hobby without end result or over much stimulus' criteria is it?

I'd go on a chocolatier course... where can I sign up?

Did I just invent new word? I'll leave that for the pedants to argue about.