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Mental health

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Original poster

Struggling with elated husband

31 replies

grandiflora1 · 31/10/2020 19:16

Hi
I just need some advice. Husband has a diagnosis of bipolar 1. Diagnosed last year after becoming very manic and sectioned as a result. He has since been well- engaged with psychiatrist and taking meds. Since august he has become increasingly irritable and more recently very aggressive and hostile if I get into an argument with him. His sleep is all over the place- wakes up in the middle of the night and than exhausted during the day and has to lie down. I’m really struggling at the moment as after our last argument some weeks ago he has refused to engage with me, ignored me completely and is very hostile. Is this part of an imminent episode/is it an offshoot of bipolar ? How long does this rage and anger last if it is an episode? Has anyone else experienced this rage and hostility in a partner with bipolar ?

OP posts:

JustMeAndMyTins · 31/10/2020 23:37

Hey OP. I’m sorry you’re both dealing with this. I don’t have anything useful to say unfortunately but you might get some more traction if you correct the title of your thread - I’m assuming ‘elated’ was an error.

Srictlybakeoff · 31/10/2020 23:46

You get rage and hostility in bipolar - it can happen in both depressive and manic swings. Is he still taking his meds. Could you speak to his psychiatrist or send him an e-mail. The psychiatrist may not be able to give you any information due to confidentiality but may consider whether treatment needs to be changed on the basis of what you say .
It’s very difficult if he won’t engage with you. Are there any other signs of mania such as speaking too quickly, not being able to work effectively, beingoveractive, spending too much etc

Original poster

grandiflora1 · 01/11/2020 04:03

I'm not sure if he is taking his meds at this point. He's able to work- not sure how that's going. I can't contact his psychiatrist as it would make things worse with him. Havant spoken to him lately to determine speed of speech.. he refuses to speak with me... the anger is palpable from him even when I walk into the room. It's a horrendous atmosphere here at home..

OP posts:

badacorn · 01/11/2020 05:26

That sounds like such a hard situation op. It sounds like he is getting unwell.. Can you ask the mental healthteam for advice?

Original poster

grandiflora1 · 01/11/2020 08:38

He doesn't have a mental health team- attends psychiatrist privately. Husband is a highly skilled professional and prob terrified that any admission of ill health would interfere with him being allowed to work. Other signs that he has exhibited are spending and wasting money, very intense about things especially work.. moves very quickly Drinking a lot.. he ordered carpets for a couple of the rooms and never told me. Picked out the carpet himself and had it delivered.. it's part of the anger and hostility towards me and shutting me out.. I spend most of my evenings in the bedroom to avoid the atmosphere downstairs.. I plan on having a conversation with him at some point to ask him to move out.. I can't live in this hostility anymore.. two young kids so it's very difficult..surely this behaviour is related in some way to his bipolar ?? Or is he just unhappy in the marriage..

OP posts:

Vampyhooch · 01/11/2020 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

grandiflora1 · 01/11/2020 10:00

A very difficult situation

OP posts:

Original poster

grandiflora1 · 01/11/2020 10:25

Can anyone advise??

OP posts:

crankysaurus · 01/11/2020 10:31

I would find out in some way or other if here's still taking his meds. My friend had bipolar and has said she would mistakenly stop taking them when she felt better, before either skyrocketing it plummeting again. She's now on a steady, permanent dose that's reviewed regularly same it suits her well.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 01/11/2020 10:37

Hi. I have Bipolar 1 and it sounds like he is becoming increasingly manic and if there is no intervention it will probably escalate. With me it goes from 0-100 very quickly (a few days) but for some it takes a lot longer.

If you can you need to get your husband to understand that he can't sort this out without medical intervention. The problem is that the more manic he is the less he is likely to believe you. Can you find out if he is taking his meds? I have some that keep me sane and others that I take when manic. He may have a store. Encourage him to contact his psychiatrist/ GP.

I feel for you. Being the career for a manic person is a very difficult job.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 01/11/2020 10:37

Carer. Not career.

Original poster

grandiflora1 · 01/11/2020 11:01

Thanks downtothesea im not sure if he is taking his meds.. he has become very secretive and has shut me out -I suspect as a way of keeping me in the dark. He has had a huge issue accepting his diagnosis- very strong family history of it and husband really struggled when he was another member diagnosed with it. Do you go through the same bouts of hostility and aggression -particularly towards your partner ?? I can't contact Gp as he will deny being manic.. like the last episode the situation came to head despite me trying to get him some help.. eventually he was sectioned after police were contacted.. he has never forgiven me for involving the authorities the last time and I suspect he is afraid I will contact someone this time- at this point I am so worn out by this I won't be getting involved or contacting anyone as he will deny it

OP posts:

woodlandwalker · 01/11/2020 11:08

You can still talk to your GP for advise on dealing with the stress this is causing you.

crankysaurus · 01/11/2020 11:14

I'd also suggest you contact the GP for yourself, and they can note your concerns about him however they see fit. You are allowed to put yourself first if it's having such a negative affect on you.

Has he ever had any counseling or found peer support since his diagnosis? Sounds like he's not taken it well. Might not be the right time at the moment to suggest it but maybe that's for something down the line.

Embracelife · 01/11/2020 11:17

Call your gp and talk about your stress.
He cannot stop you taking action.
Can you go elsewhere with the dc aNd inform his gp from a safe place?

Embracelife · 01/11/2020 11:21

You have to proect ypurself and your dc.
And that means telling someone.

(I know when they beg you/tell you not to it s hard but you must)
He is unwell and neither he nor you can fix it without intervention

Take the dc go to family
If he exhibiing anger call 999

NotDavidTennant · 01/11/2020 11:26

It sounds to me like you issue is not that your DH has bipolar disorder, but that he is in denial about his diagnosis and is avoiding getting anything beyond the minimum of treatment and support.

Original poster

grandiflora1 · 01/11/2020 11:27

Thanks for the advice. Yes I might contact my own Gp for support.. I would have no hesitation in calling 999 if situation escalated to that point. At the moment it's calm but he has palpable anger when ever he sees me.. I find that so hard to accept as instead of turning to me when unwell he turns me away and becomes so hostile and angry

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RUOKHon · 01/11/2020 11:31

I think you need to stop seeing it as your responsibility to fix him or manage his condition. It is his responsibility.

Your responsibility is to keep yourself and your children safe. We are about to go into another month of lockdown. If he is being hostile towards you and you sense he is full of rage, then honestly, I would leave now with the kids while you still can and go somewhere you will be safe during lockdown.

He isn’t going to turn to you for support - you’re wasting emotional energy being hurt by this. He is not in his right mind. His behaviour won’t make sense to you.

Original poster

grandiflora1 · 01/11/2020 11:34

I will approach him and ask him to leave and move out for a while.. it's the only way toward .. at least I don't have to be around it

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SameAgainStan · 01/11/2020 11:34

My DH is bipolar and sounds very like yours. He had a manic episode when he came off his meds and was absolutely awful. And denies he has a problem too, it's all my fault apparently.
Honestly, speak to his psychiatrist or GP. They won't give you any information or do anything on your say so but if they are aware of issues they can get him back in under the guise of a 'medication review' and try to sort out the issues. Of course he might mask the whole thing and lie and say things are fine but a good professional will tease out the issues and make appropriate changes to his meds. It's all you can do really until this phase passes.
and for you. It's really fucking hard.

crankysaurus · 01/11/2020 11:35

Just to note though, during lockdown you can also leave at any point should you feel unsafe.

Original poster

grandiflora1 · 01/11/2020 11:37

Thanks sameagainstan- can I ask does the hostility and rage ease off and how long was your husband like this ?

OP posts:

SameAgainStan · 01/11/2020 11:40

It did after about 5-6 months. A lot of damage was done to our relationship though.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 01/11/2020 11:41

I'd like to reiterate how hard it is for you. It is totally normal for the manic person to take things out on those who are nearest. It is imperative that you keep yourself safe.

The real problem is that the worse a bipolar 1 sufferer gets the harder it is to get them to understand that they need help. The thinking is not rational so it is not worth rationalising or trying to understand them. The only thing that will work is medical intervention. Which they don't believe they need.

You can contact the charity Bipolar uk who have links to sources of support for carers but it all takes a while.

It is a bloody awful illness. Particularly so as there is a part where you are on the way up and you feel absolutely amazing and that it is everyone else who are sick.

Good luck

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