Struggling with elated husband

[grandiflora1]

Hi
I just need some advice. Husband has a diagnosis of bipolar 1. Diagnosed last year after becoming very manic and sectioned as a result. He has since been well- engaged with psychiatrist and taking meds. Since august he has become increasingly irritable and more recently very aggressive and hostile if I get into an argument with him. His sleep is all over the place- wakes up in the middle of the night and than exhausted during the day and has to lie down. I’m really struggling at the moment as after our last argument some weeks ago he has refused to engage with me, ignored me completely and is very hostile. Is this part of an imminent episode/is it an offshoot of bipolar ? How long does this rage and anger last if it is an episode? Has anyone else experienced this rage and hostility in a partner with bipolar ?

@grandiflora1 sorry you're going through this. Everything you've described is in keeping with a relapse. It does appear that he may be off his meds and if he's drinking more alcohol then that's also not helpful.

I see lots of carers taking all of the behaviours etc very personally which is understandable, but please don't equate his illness with how he feels about your marriage. He may not even remember a lot of what has been said or done following this.

Please reach out to the psych and his GP and make them aware that he is relapsing so they can at least monitor the situation, the sooner they know, the better for if/when things deteriorate further if he does end up detained. That generally won't happen until he exhibits a risk to himself or others (which doesn't include placing himself in vulnerable positions unfortunately) but knowing all of the background about the increased agitation, drinking and spending helps them to see where this is going so there's no delay in getting him treated.

For your own sake and the sake of your children, please do what you need to protect your own health. If your husbands insight is poor even when well, that will need a lot more work going forward to reduce the risk of relapse in the future otherwise it could end up a repeating cycle.

Make sure you have your own support going through this. It's very distressing to see women you love go through this

Thanks to all for support .. incredibly difficult living with this especially as you feel you are waiting for the situation to ease off or get worse..

I find I'm so anxious myself over it all.. the anger is the most difficult thing to deal with., especially when it directed at one person all the time..

@grandiflora1 I can only imagine the helplessness you feel and there's no doubt at all that this is going to be causing you a lot of personal stress. Please please don't feel that you can't or shouldn't get help. You're doing the right thing for everyone concerned. Following this relapse, if your husband cannot accept his diagnosis and take the necessary steps he needs to stay well, then it's absolutely not a living situation you want yourself or your kids to be in long-term. I work in a mental health team and from what I've seen, whilst being bipolar isn't easy, those that accept their diagnosis, know the signs of becoming unwell and follow their plan for what to do when that happens have much better outcomes. Supportive families are also really important so as much as you know your husband won't be happy, it's in his best interests and hopefully, he'll reach the point where he understands this once he's back on track.

The issue is that the last time he got sick and was hospitalised he blocked all contact with me and his family. We were not privy to any information- even when he voluntarily transferred to a private hospital I was not made aware of this. So had no idea where he was. It was extremely stressful at that time compounded by his refusal to communicate. I am very reluctant to go through all that again- I am inclined to use a step back approach this time and if he deteriorates further it will prob like last time manifest at work - last time he was asked to seek help and leave workplace

@grandiflora1 that's unfortunately all too common and very frustrating for you. When he's coming out the other side of this relapse, he'll need a lot of help to see the reality of his situation, that might be easier this time than last. He can't see it now, understandably, but when he begins to demonstrate more insight such as accepting his meds again, that's the time to start talking home truths. If he refuses to accept his diagnosis and the impact it is having, then you have a tough decision. I really do hope it all works out for your family but please consider your children and yourself above all else.