AIBU About my awful life? This details abuse so might trigger

[PH2020]

I’ve name changed.

My life has been awful. My childhood was filled with abuse. I was abused by a teacher at school. No one listened and belittled all my cry’s for help. No one believed what I was going through and I was never able to heal. I suffered from PTSD but no one would acknowledge there had been the stress in the first place.

This messed up my life. I was assaulted in my late teens by someone I went on a date with. Another girl set it up for us to be alone so he could attack me. But as I hated my home life so much I didn’t stand up for myself because being associated with this guy and his friends gave me an opportunity to get away from my passed.

I then messed up at uni because I was so fucked up from my schooling and personal life.

I’m angry that my education suffered, I’m angry that I’ve messed my life up, I’m angry that I’m stuck in an awful life when others around me were able to live a proper life, get an education and earn proper money. My cousins were sent to one of the best schools in the country and I was sent to some local school to be abused.

I’m now 40 and in a crap job and in an awful relationship with a man who behaves like a child. I have to take responsibility for everything. We are living in a small flat that I bough when I was single. We had a plan to move into a bigger home within the next 2 years but it turns out he has nothing in savings! So I’m going to be stuck in this tiny flat forever!

So now that I’ve came to accept that this is going to be what my life is. AIBU to want to end it now. Or do you think I should suffer for another 40+ years?

Thank you for all the responses. I'll look into the support I can get and hopefully be able to manage my health better.

Today was a particularly hard day for me and I wanted to explain why I'm feeling so low. Which can be hard to express, especially in a post like this to people who maybe don't have the same mental health issues or experiences as I do.

Thank you once again.

OP Thinking about you now. I was abused like you. It makes you feel as if you deserved it to happen to you, and you sort of accept it because you don't respect yourself.. I mean why should you when others don't?

Get help. You need to find self worth and today you made the first step by coming on here.

I wish I had known about mumsnet when I was strugglng and feeling isolated ( that's what abuse does). If I had been able to talk to someone I might have acted sooner than I did.

I got rid of an abusive husband after years of feeling hopeless, and am now happy. It was traumatic and I allowed him to ruin me financially because he made horrible threats. If I had come on here and asked for advice I would have acted differently You can be happy too. Get the right help and advice and look upon it as a new start.