driving phobia is ruining my life& i am useless

[PetuniaClark]

used to be a reasonably confident driver. menopause & being driven into at a roundabout junction have totoally detsroyed my cinfidence. i can drive about 3 or 4 easy routes, none longer than about 3 miles. the thought of driving anywhere else sends me into a blind panic, so much so that i cant do it. i have tried going out early in the morning.....i stress so much that i cant sleep they night before. if i drive anywhere i cant enjoy it because i panic about the drive home. every single drive i panic about what i might face because each journey presents different vehicles. i feel such a dreadful failure, my self confidence is rock bottom that i cant do something that i see teenagers do & people much much older than me.
ihave been out for a refresher lesson with a driving instructor post covid & hated it, again up all night beforehand. i watch driving videos on yotube, but when it comes to it i cant react & think fast enough. i am beyond terrified at the idea of causing an accident. i know the other driving htreads say just go and do it but that scares me senslesss.
i am crying typing this. my husband is having to take child to a friends house today because i cant do it. in the scheme of things i am very lucky, 2 safe jobs, 2 kids. but i am so useless. i feel guilty about my husband always doing the driving (going out with him would be a recipe for disaster...... he is quite aggressive in his driving stile i think) how can i be a middle aged woman who is just so crap. how can anyone love & respect a woman like me.
i dont know what i expect from typing this post. no one in real life knows how rubbish i am. i just dont see the point of me when i am so useless.

I can't drive at all. That doesn't make me useless or rubbish or unlovable. There are plenty of things I can do that other people cannot.

I'd say your problem is far bigger than driving and you need some support for your mental health. There's nothing wrong with being anxious about driving, but your reaction is so extreme that you do need to get some help.

I had a terrible driving phobia. I used to avoid driving at any cost. I then got a job that involved driving daily, so had to tackle it. I bought a hypnotherapy CD specifically for driving phobia, listened to it every day for a week, and it's never been a problem since, I can tackle anything!

NurserySA can u tell me which CD it was that sounds interesting!

Have you thought about driving an automatic? Its helped my fears and phobias so much

I am thinking about a car and have similar fears, what if I am crap, it's hard etc. Driving obviously means a lot to you. I'm going to get a sat nav. What about doing the enhanced driving test? It's like a certification that you are a safe driver.

I'm about to take my test. At 50.

OP I feel your pain. Lots of people don't drive at all, for many reasons...so you could just declare that no, it's not for you, end of. It's a very hard phobia for others to understand but I totally get you. I'll see if I can figure out how to PM you.

Could be worth a trip to the GP as this sounds like an anxiety disorder.

Do you take HRT?

OP it sounds like you are giving yourself an extremely hard time saying that you are useless, unlovable etc. Would you say that about someone who couldn't drive because they lost their eyesight? It isn't your fault and doesn't mean you are worth less as a person. It sounds like your accident has triggered this, maybe you would benefit from some therapy?

I have a driving phobia and I can only drive well known routes. Sometimes I take ridiculous routes in order to avoid difficult turnings. I've decided to accept things as they are. I don't need to drive for work and I can do all the essential journeys I need to do. I just don't tell other people about my odd routes. You can't be brilliant at everything!

I like your post hot penguin. I too take familiar routes even though they are longer as I worry beforehand. Im inspired by you excepting it. And you are totally right to do so. I figure that if we can drive safely to do what we need to then we shouldn't be hung up about not been super drivers. I learnt at 47 and it took me 2 years to pass and I so wanted to drive around the country. But my anxiety limits me to my usual routes, work and school. But this is ok. OP, just take small steps in your own time.

Sounds like you've got yourself in a right old tizz about this, OP. I'm sure you're not useless at all - you've just had a bad experience which you've blown up. Many of us feel nervous about driving some of the time even if we know we're perfectly competent.

There are special courses for drivers who've been through trauma and one of these could be a great help to you. I don't know the specifics but I'm sure they're worth a try.

Hi..im struggling with anxiety whilst driving or being a passenger..i suffered driving in dark country lanes last year resulting me collapsing at work the next morning and an ambulance being calles..since then i jump around in cars and panic..my lifes changed and im hateing lufe..wot do i do.

I'm anxious about driving too OP. I don't know the answer but just want to show some solidarity. It doesn't make you useless at all

Id forgotten Id started this thread - does it count as a zombie thread if the OP comes back?!!
I would love to say that 2 years later and my fear has gone......but it hasn't unfortunately. Neuther have my feelings of uselleesness or sense of failure. I have tried everything but nothing can override that fear I have of crashing or causing an accident.I now tell people that I cant drive, and I dont go anywhere if I cant go under my own steam.
I am very envious of people who have overcome driving phobia because it aint gonna happen for me.

Do you have a satnav, OP? If so, try turning it on and having it talk to you, even on short and known journeys. This made a world of difference to me when I suddenly got nervous (almost menopause related) Having "someone" (seemingly) there beside me, sharing the load and talking calmly really took the pressure off. (I know it sounds silly but it helped me greatly!)

also not almost!

Did you ever try and automatic? I think driving is far less stressful when you do t have to think about rolling back, stalling etc.

I’ve had driving and passenger phobias, linked to an anxiety disorder and being in an accident as a child involving a car being chased by the police where someone died. Even now, after medication, therapy and recovery, as soon as I feel anxious, I start to feel frightened in cars. Have you spoken to your GP about it? Medication such as beta-blockers can really help, as can HRT. I think it’s a pretty common reaction if you have anxiety and if you’ve had a car accident. It’s certainly treatable.
OP, you’re being very hard on yourself. How would you respond to someone close to you who had this issue? I’m sure you would be understanding, patient and encourage the person to have another go at the driving test/take some time and have a break / try more lessons with an instructor who specialises in working with anxious drivers. Also, don’t underestimate the impact of driving with someone who is inclined to drive aggressively. I would imagine that this is very frightening on a very regular basis and also that it’s hard for your DH to understand where you’re coming from, as he seems to get angry, rather than anxious in a car.

thanks ladies. I have Hrt & an automatic, neither of which help much !😀
i just cant cope with other traffic & road signs / instructions at the same time - the menopause brain fog means that i cant react quickly enough, & get flustered. sat navs confuse me because if they say e.g. turn left in 50m i worry about missing the turn & ending up somewhere worse.
it is almost my only menopause symptom & i think i would rather hot flushes than this !!!!

You sound so much like me! I never wanted to drive but my parents gifted me driving lessons 27 years ago and I felt I had to learn - it took me 7 attempts to pass my test! I hate driving, absolutely hate it and I only drive easy, recognisable routes - I go out of my way to avoid tough routes even if they are quicker, I dont do motorways and my goodness I am absolutely terrible at parking! I feel such anxiety driving! Hope you are doing ok - you sound lovely by the way and not at all how you describe yourself

thank you @Chasingclouds100 , much appreciated. a lady posted something yesterday along the lines of "will i get done for dangerous driving?" & that is how every car trip feels for me.
perhaps you & i should club together & hire a chauffer for all our trips.
thanks again everybody for your kind words x

OP, have you tried getting up early on a Sunday morning and just driving around for an hour or so?
This is what I did when I finally bought my first car (a decade after passing my test 😁)
It's still daylight quite early and - unless you live in a major city - the roads are practically empty until around 9.30am.

Mattcockhand yes that sounds like a fantastic idea!!!

I tried...@Justleaveitblankthen ..... but I was just awake all night stressing about it. Not the getting up,early, but the going out driving part. Like I say, hopeless case.
I even considered hypnotherapy at one point, but am not sure it is legal to be hypnotised in charge of a car 🤣🤣
appreciate everyones thoughts, thanks

Hi, im new, been searching on the web and found this thread as I feel the need to contribute and seek help!

firstly i hope @PetuniaClark and @mattcockhand are OK. My driving phobia is totally different and I have had it for 4 or 5 years now…

i am male, 50 years old, and my driving fear is one of either suffering a break down, or a dash light coming on, or anything simply failing, or just being ‘abnormal’ on the car during that particular journey. Whether thats a dash light, a scrape noise, a knocking noise, anything!

i am OK with the actual driving, although I really dislike long journeys, or tricky journeys where I know there are big roundabouts or complicated traffic lights etc.

it started a few years back when i had a sudden head gasket go on my Zafira. Despite it being fixed, it left me with this phobia. I do regular car checks, and just changed my car recently to a newer model, but still this phobia is with me. I also try and avoid going out as much as i can but with being a husband, and father of 3, i am the taxi service and cant avoid it.

any help or advice is appreciated!