Will being gay in a straight marriage damage my mental health?

[Summerbreeze86]

I’ve the last twelve months or so I’ve had a realisation that I am gay. I know it sounds ridiculous but I honestly didn’t know until now, or at least I didn’t want to know. I really really do not want to be gay. I have a husband. I have a child. It is really not what I want.
But I am.
I wonder what the cost is to me if I just ignore it? I find each time I sleep with dh I feel violated and it makes me cry, I hide this from him as it isn’t his fault I’ve made a massive fuck up of my life and his and our child’s.
Is it possible to just carry on?

I feel angry about it mostly, because I wanted a family. I care about dh, I would say I love him. I love my child.
I recognise this is very selfish because dh and my dc are innocent in all of this, but I really wish I could just ignore it forever. I’m still hoping I can.

It seems to me that your sexuality is a red herring. You married a much older man when you were very young, the man is happy to have sex with you while you are crying, there should be a lot of other stuff in between that is making you unhappy.

Do one thing at a time, leave this marriage soon, come out as gay later, you cannot realistically expect to deal with both very emotionally charged issues at the same time particularly if your husband is abusive AND homophobic. Protect yourself and your child first, once that’s secured, deal with the other issue.

... and don’t let anyone convince you it is your fault you are in this situation, you married a relatively very old man before you had a chance to question your sexuality, you were practically a child and he didn’t care.