I need to calm down

[Chocolatethief]

Posting in chat for traffic
I have eupd so struggle with life a lot. I am feeling very low and lonely at the moment and struggling to cope with life and living. I cant contact mental health as they simply dont care.
Please can I have a handhold to get through it

Handhold

What have you got planned for today?

Handhold here. I have no knowledge of eupd but life is tough enough at the moment without extra issues so must be extra difficult if you're suffering.
I would use whatever support network you can, reaching out here is also a good idea. I'm sure someone wiser than me will be along with more useful words than my rambling!
Hope you're ok

Dont have any plans and have no support network really

Ok, think of a few nice or productive things you can do.

I need to tidy bits it to bad its overwhelming and I'm exhausted as I've been awake 24 hours now but cant sleep it's an issue but as I took zopiclone the night before I wouldn't take it last night. My life is a complete mess and everything keeps going wrong

Are you able to rest a little even if you can't sleep?

What do you think is going wrong? I promise it isn't as bad as you think

All I do is rest well I try to go for walks each day and a month ago I got diagnosed with pcos and on friday my gp told me my last ecg that I had last weekend wasnt fully normal and my antipsychotic could be causing a problem and i might have to change it but the last one that i was on made me gain a load of weight and the one before didnt work. I haven't seen family or friends in months so I'm lonely and no one seems to care that i cant cope.

Oh that sounds really difficult if you've been isolated - do they live nearby?

Don't forget it has been quite a hard time for a lot of people so it's probably not lack of caring.

Good luck with possible switch in meds, can you arrange GP call tomorrow?

Family live 30 mins away and drive and I have asked to see them as I'm struggling but they dont want to and it isnt due to risks as my sister went to her friends for a week and went out for a meal and did go ape with them. Spoke to my gp on friday and she gave me 6 diazepam I still have 3 left but wont have contact with anyone till tuesday so trying to make them last. Everything feels hopeless. Last weekend I was in hospital after a suicide attempt and all my care coordinator had to say was that she was surprised as she didnt think I was struggling but she had been told by me, my carers and adult social services contacted her because my carers had raised concerns to them.

Hey OP,

For the tidying, may I suggest Team TOMM? It's a (free) plan that's really helped me. I'd have days where I couldn't get out of bed due to overwhelm but this plan has given me a structure and broken down the impossible into smaller bitesize tasks. After a few days and weeks, I've noticed a huge difference. Being a bit more tidy/clean and having a plan to deal with the rest feels like my brain has freed up.

I personally didn't bother with the "boot camp" at the beginning. I just do half an hour every day in the designated room.

There's a good Facebook group and a really inspiring lady who posts every day with her huge decluttering session. She only does half an hour a day but it's making such a difference. I'm enjoying watching her progress.

Anyway, you might find it helps too. It might do!

Sorry, I wrote that and posted before I saw some of your other (more serious) updates. ❤️❤️

Even half an hour of tidying seems to much I sorted my lounge out a bit the other day but my kitchen is an absolute state and is embarrassing with how bad it is. I cant figure out where to start well I suppose I can it's the rubbish but I have no motivation to do anything

I feel like I fail as being a human being people can get on with there lives and do things they should like keep on top of tidying, hygiene and going out shopping and things and I cant all I seem to do at the moment is cry and that will be to the point where I throw up. I just want to have a life and not just exist

You are not failing. Life is not easy, it really isn’t.
Be kind to yourself, that’s where you strength is. You know that critical inner voice telling you how useless you are? Try and change it, tell yourself you are trying your best.
Just aim to sort the rubbish out in the kitchen today, that’s enough.
Then do something nice for yourself.
What do you like doing?

At the moment nothing I dont feel good doing anything.

That’s ok. Just try not to get frustrated with yourself. You are doing your best. It’s ok to be you.
What do you do when you are feeling a bit better?

I wish I knew and I use to know but I dont see a future these days I do t see myself getting out of this alive

You are not failing at life, you are struggling with life but that's ok. You don't have to tidy today if you don't feel up to it, it can wait. If you want to do a bit, sometimes when I feel overwhelmed by tidying I find 1 thing that feels manageable, like I will put away the cups from the dishwasher (not empty the whole dishwasher if that doesn't feel doable), and when I have done that I either feel I have achieved one thing and/ or consider if I could also manage another small task. Cleaning the whole kitchen feels like an impossible task, so break it into tiny chunks, but don't expect yourself to be able to do them all, one is an achievement
Just take everything else one day at a time too if you can. The future, especially right now, is unknown and unpredictable and terrifying, so don't look at it. You say you don't see yourself getting out of this alive, but maybe you can see yourself getting through today alive, just focus on that for now. One day at a time. Take care.

That's the problem I dont know how to get through the day alive

First, I am so sorry that adequate mental heath care is not being provided for you. It’s disgraceful that you should be left so unsupported by the NHS.
I’ve felt similar to some of what you have described at times. When you don’t have a support network or coping strategies that you can trust then it is so hard.

For today may be just trying to get through by distraction? This may not be for you but I find audiobooks so helpful, even if I can’t concentrate properly, there is a nice voice which I find a little bit soothing. You can get a first book free on audible, or there’s lots on the BBC Sounds app. Or even just the website. There’s are series of easy to listen to stories, first one here: www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/b06tr5tf

This is just a tiny suggestion that might be worth trying.

I’m also living in an awful mess that I can’t manage. I know that tackling it will make me feel a weight has lifted but for now I’m ignoring it.

I really feel for you

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, and we also hope you are able to continue to access some RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

How are you doing, @Chocolatethief?

I made it through the day ended up taking some diazepam and managed to get a bit of sleep woke up and just watched some tv

Hope today is manageable, @Chocolatethief

Trying to make it manageable, waiting for my care co to ring me to talk to her