not sure how much more i can take

[terriblemum123]

ive lurked for ages reading this page and not talking hoping to find someone in same position to talk to
i wake up everyday wishing id died in the night ive packed a bag to run away im not sure where to bought aload of tablets but i dont want to leave my children hence why i feel a terrible mum for even comtemplating it but i know tomorrow will be the same and the next day
my partners evil behaviour gets worse n worse every single day and even hes telling me id be better off dead
please someone tell me this feeling of desperation does get better as i cant face another day like this but what kind of mum does that make me as i have a beautiful baby

You can't leave the baby with him. The baby is not a real person to him but is a weapon to inflict pain on you. You have to save yourself and the baby.

Survival is what you need to do now. Sod the details. Get you and your baby out. Woman's aid refuge would be best but if not possible immediately can you afford a room in a travelodge or similar? Then you can freely make calls to locksmiths and support networks.

Please do not leave the baby. Women's aid will help you if you save the baby but not so much if you say the baby is safe with him. I understand that he's fucked with your mind but you have to pull yourself out of this, you have probably internalised that you are useless. You are not. you have to be and show yourself to be a responsible parent.

OP you have to protect your children from this.

For the sake of your mental health, you have to act.

You can go about this in a number of ways:

1. Contact the police and say you're frightened, that there has been a previous incident and you want him removed from the house. The police can have him removed with an order (DVPO) that lasts 48 hours and can be extended to 28 days. In that 48 hours, you can apply for an emergency Occupation/Non Molestation Order. An Occupation Order regulates the family home, meaning he can't come in or near it.

1. You can contact a Domestic Abuse Organisation (search facility up thread) or the National Abuse Helpline and enquire about a refuge. A refuge is a secret location where you can go. They have trained support staff who can help you with an Occupation Order to have him removed.

1. You can contact your council housing department and ask about the Sanctuary Scheme. The Sanctuary Scheme is where someone will come to check the house for safety and change the locks for you. They may even install a panic button which is a link to the police. The will also be linked up with domestic abuse organisations who can help.

1. You can take your children to a local police station and present yourself there. They may escort you back to the house and remove him or assist you with somewhere safe to stay.

hes on his way home now screaming and shouting in the car
i havent seen or spoke to him all day so ive done nothing to anger him
i told him i feel like ending it today and hes told me to hurry up
im goinh to log out now but will check back in when i go for a walk later if im allowed out
thank you for all the replies x

Dial 999

MN can't help you, I don't mean that to sound harsh, I mean it won't make any difference you logging on and off to be told the same thing.

You need help now. You need to call the Police. Now or later when you and the baby go out for a walk.

I'm so sorry you're in this position. Here is a link from Womens Aid as they may be able to help you get free rail travel to your relatives (not sure of what train companies are offering this). You can contact them via their live chat to find out more - www.womensaid.org.uk/new-rail-to-refuge-scheme-offers-free-train-travel-to-women-fleeing-domestic-abuse/

The WA train travel is for a woman fleeing to a refuge via Women's Aid. It's not for free train travel to go to relatives or anywhere else.

But he is hurting your son. Every time your baby hears him screaming at you, making you feel worthless, he is damaging him emotionally. You have to get your child out of this situation. He cant look after himself, you have to protect him. Do you want him growing up thinking that is how you treat a partner?

I'm so worried for you and your baby op. Please seek help to get away from him.

Op. How are things?