Health anxiety

[Mvshrln]

Hi all,

I've seen a couple of health anxiety threads on here but they're all quite old/inactive and wondered if there were any more recent ones, or if anyone fancied discussing it via this new thread? It's helpful when someone else knows how you feel.

I really struggle with HA, the thoughts bounce around my head until I fixate on one and worry about it relentlessly. I can see why the anxiety has appeared (friends parent passed away, the covid-19 situation has terrified me, I'm getting older/have life events happening like buying a house, and I also work within the hospice sector). It's helpful to know why but it doesn't help with how to deal with it! I'm currently taking venlafaxine and CBT counselling via videocall but the worry takes up huge chunks of my day.

Nightmare! How is everyone else?

@NowImmeagain sorry to hear you’re going through a bad time. Your GP sounds a bit out of order saying that to you, I hope you get things sorted. Sorry to hear about your DD too, that must be really tough for you.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. I was having a good day until I had a letter fetched by MIL from my doctors saying they know I don’t live at the registered address so I’ll need to move to another GP surgery. I never changed my address when we moved as I didn’t want to move doctors so my letters go to in laws but must be with CBT referral they’ve clicked that I live somewhere else. This set my anxiety off straight away and I was on the phone and ended up in tears, the receptionist was awful! I’ve had to send a letter to them but I’m not holding out much hope that they’ll let me stay I know it’s a really trivial thing but it’s huge for me and set me off again!

@Lib3rtine They can’t make you change surgery’s, I asked to stay at the same surgery when I moved out of the area but was pregnant with DS and wanted to stay with the same midwife. They said the only issue would be that they wouldn’t be able to do home visits. I hope your surgery are as understanding. I swear sometimes doctors receptionists are absolute dragons!

Does anyone have any advice on how to silence first thing in the morning thoughts? As soon as I open my eyes in the morning, the first thing that goes through my mind are things like ‘could that be a lump in my breast that I’m ignoring’, ‘could that ulcer actually be cancer’, ‘can I feel any aches or pains’. It’s actually exhausting to start the day with such negativity!

I also seem to be getting ruminating thoughts, like dragging things up from my past and beating myself up about it. Not big awful things, just little things like when I said something stupid or to be honest mostly about previous dating. Does anyone else get this type of thought?

OMG @MrsWhites I could have wrote this post. Literally lying in bed right now, need to get up to get DS ready for school but thinking about whether I should get my breasts checked, or maybe go for a full health MOT type thing. Now or in the new year.... mornings are so tough. If anything has helped anyone with this please do share.

It’s awful waking up to this doom type feeling .

@Lib3rtine I thought as part of patient choice you should be allowed to stay at the surgery. Receptionists can be hard work, they really abuse that small bit of power they have! Hope you’re ok. Xx

@MrsWhites Apparently they can they have said. She said the best they might be able to do is let me stay there until I have the baby. She was absolutely awful and made me feel so stupid. I've sent a letter so I'll just have to see what comes of it.

I am the same first thing on a morning, the dread is there straight away and I lay there thinking what shall I worry about today. So exhausting

@Lib3rtine I hope the letter works and that the doctors are more understanding and let you stay on at the surgery

@MrsWhites @Goolies and many others I'm sure! I don't have any advice on how to get rid of these morning thoughts, I wish I did. I am really really trying to apply the CBT but so hard to override the voice of doom! I've got an upset stomach most mornings and stomach pains when I wake up and dread going to the loo in the morning as I think it's something else of course when in reality it's likely stress and anxiety causing it - a real vicious circle.

Distraction does help doesn't it but I find myself exhausted as I always have to be doing something as the moment I try to relax the pains start and I'm so tired of not knowing if they're real or I'm creating them.

Might look at medication in the new year if it doesn't improve.

thinking of you all today.

@Mvshrln let me know how you get on with social media detox! I'm on day 3 and finding it easy enough to resist going on. I am hoping it might help me as the slightest thing can set me off! I will probably save quite a bit of time too.

My DH was trying to persuade me to have a Mumsnet break but I really find this thread helpful as you lot are the only people who understand and the only people I can talk to without feeling judged.

@chorusline79 thank you, me too!
Glad the social media break is going good for you. I’m going to do it again definitely, it really helped me a lot. Yeah I don’t think I could give up mumsnet, it really helps me talking to you all x

[quote chorusline79]@Mvshrln let me know how you get on with social media detox! I'm on day 3 and finding it easy enough to resist going on. I am hoping it might help me as the slightest thing can set me off! I will probably save quite a bit of time too.

My DH was trying to persuade me to have a Mumsnet break but I really find this thread helpful as you lot are the only people who understand and the only people I can talk to without feeling judged. [/quote]
Thank you - you've reminded me to deactivate my FB! I was encouraged to keep off forums too (I used to browse cancer forums the way I would google obsessively) but didn't see the need to give up mumsnet as people are so kind here. I do however dip in and out of this thread depending on how I am coping, and I am always relieved to see that the support is still ongoing though.

Having a panic today about my leg :( Got to have a scan soon, terrified of what they may find.

Thank you everyone, although I wouldn’t wish the thoughts on you all, it’s very reassuring that the morning doom feeling happens to others too. I’m going to try reminding myself that the thoughts happen to others too and are just anxiety.

@Lib3rtine I hope the letter makes the gp see sense, don’t give up hope. If you don’t get anywhere with the receptionist I would ask that the letter be forwarded to your actual GP to review.

I think a social media post would help me too, the only problem is Facebook is mostly how our school communicate with parents so it’s hard to avoid altogether.

@Lib3rtine so sorry to hear your having issues with your GP. Sounds like they’re being really difficult, and would have thought it’s your right to be able to stay. I stayed with my GP originally when I moved house and was allowed. Only charged for convenience in the end.

@Mvshrln sorry you are panicking about your leg. Have you got long to wait for the scan? I need to follow your advice and stop googling and delving into forums. It’s just feeding the anxiety more.

I’m still worrying about what could be wrong with me and can’t get it out of my head that it could be a cancer diagnosed at a late stage. I know it’s very unlikely, but I also know that it’s not impossible, and can’t shake that unfortunately. I’ve got to have some urine tests for specific hormones so that’s my next worry. My palpitations, on/off nausea and weird joint pain is not improving and getting worse if anything so going round in circles stressing about it all.

@Lolly12 it's in a week and turns out it's an MRI! Only on the leg though. I won't get the results until the following week though as the consultant only works on Monday's and sods law my appointment is on the Tuesday :( The bottom of my foot is so sore now as well, I think I've spent so long walking weirdly to see if my leg hurts that I'm just making everything worse.

I can totally relate to the things you are worrying about. When you focus on something (like joint pain etc) it can certainly magnify it so it feels like it's always there because you just can't stop thinking about it. Are your urine tests soon?

I can totally relate to the morning anxiety and the "what shall I worry about today?". It's really horrid!

@Goolies so I went down the route of a full health MOT and x2 private breast scans. Plus multiple other private scans. Anxiety disappears for a while, then it's back to obsessing over something else :(

Thanks everyone. I've got to go in on Thursday to see the midwife so I will take a hard copy of the letter and drop it at reception so they can't claim they never got my email. I have a feeling they will let me stay for a certain amount of time then make me move.

@Lolly12 I know what you mean and we all do it but it really won't be anything like that, our minds are so powerful so the more you stress about it, the worse it will make it.

@Mvshrln Sorry to hear that you will have to wait nearly a week, you will have to have a full week planned to try and keep your mind off of it. I bet it will be due to walking differently that has made it worse and the more you think about it, the more its magnified.

@Goolies I really want to have my breasts checked but looked into it and as I'm under 40, can't just pay for a private mammogram and can't have ultrasound without a referral, the only option would be a private one stop breast clinic but its the screening I'd like. As soon as I'm 40 I'll be paying for a private mammogram, my breasts really are the thing that I fixate on most in terms of anxiety.

@Lib3rtine I hope so. I just want it to be a shin splint or damaged muscle or something which has caused my to hyper-fixate on it and walk funny which has made it worse. But as it's felt like bone pain, all google shows is bone cancers.

I have been to a private breast appointment. They did a full ultrasound of my breasts and armpits and gave advice on how to properly and thoroughly check them myself each month. They also explained the anatomy of my breasts ("glandular more so on the outer part of the breast") and gave advice for breast pain (I was experiencing one sided breast pain). Didn't have mammogram as I'm 29.

It's a double edged sword with paying for private appointments. On the one hand, why not do it if you can afford it and if you think it will help. On the other hand - do you really need it? Will this satisfy your need for reassurance temporarily before you move onto something else? What if it isn't enough reassurance? For me, it wasn't enough as I mentioned I paid for 2 private breast screenings, as well as having a screening 6 months previously at the NHS breast clinic due to a lump which disappeared (hormonal cyst). I also went to a&e during a difficult time where I panicked and just couldn't cope, and they checked me there too. And then I moved onto other things, continuing the anxiety, continuing the money being drained away.

Medication and CBT has helped me get out of bed, reduce the ruminating and do everyday stuff, but the low level anxiety will latch on to anything for me and gets worse during times of tiredness, stress etc.

@Mvshrln this is the thing, I had a clear mammogram 2 years ago and here I am again back at square one. What did your full MOT thing include? I’m also worried about my heart and would love to get checked out by a cardiologist but again... how long will it be till I find the next thing, probably not long at all! But then I think it’s the one I ignore that will be the one that gets me, then I panic and befor I know it I’m on my own little planet hell.

Sometimes I wonder if I had another child would I be calmer, I worry because my son is an only child, hunny doesn’t do half the things I do for him, who would he have etc etc. Just can’t seem to get that peace of mind. I have signed up to private therapy that will start in January. But god knows how many things I will worry about between now and then! X

@Mvshrln - But as it's felt like bone pain, all google shows is bone cancers. That's so typical of Dr Google - it's always cancer! Not trying to diagnose you myself or anything, but just mentioning a (not scary) alternative for you... I had that kind of pain in my leg years ago that got increasingly worst and it turned out to be a cyst within the bone. Doctors aren't sure why it formed. Not pleasant, but totally benign and dealt with relatively easily.

@Googlies - I recently had a Bupa health MOT - arranged through DH's work, so I don't know the full details, but I think there are 3 levels and I had the middle one. It included blood pressure and ECG, which was sent off to a cardiologist to review. A standard set of urine and blood tests, plus any additional ones they felt was necessary (thyroid for me). Breast exam. Cervical smear. They calculated my individual risk of diabetes, stroke or heart attack over the next 10 years. And I also had an hour with a GP to discuss anything that had come up or anything else concerning me (I got her to check a few suspicious moles - she's referred me to a dermatologist for one of them, but just as a precaution)

@Mvshrln I really think that is what it will be. I think from what I've read before bone cancer is pretty rare and you would have other symptoms and probably have broken a bone really easily. Plus like we've said when you think about an area long enough you notice every single sensation and feeling that's going on there.

I know what you mean about it being a double edged sword, you are completely right, it would satisfy me initially and then I'd be back to square one. Plus my husband wouldn't be happy as he'd think it was just fuelling my anxiety and wasting money.

I was only at the breast clinic in June and they did a full examination and showed me how to do it so I wasn't pressing on too hard and feeling every single bump and natural lump in the tissue, so I should be satisfied that I can spot something untoward but I just can't seem to be. I can't find anywhere near me that would do a private ultrasound as screening if you hadn't actually found a lump so I think I will just have to try and get over the fear and hope CBT helps.
I am the same, I can have days where I think I am doing ok but that low level anxiety will latch onto any single thing. I have a spot on my neck and its literally just a spot but yesterday when I was tired I started thinking about what else it could be rather than just accepting it for what it is

I totally know what you mean @Lib3rtine even on the days I’m ok the low level anxiety is still lurking around in the background just waiting to latch onto something. The other day I felt a bump on the back of my head while I was working my DH had to reassure me it’s just my skull! It will literally latch onto anything!! And once it does here we go... x

@Goolies It's like if I'm feeling ok I'll sit there and think of something to obsess over, its just ridiculous! I wish I was someone who didn't think the worst all the time. My brother is currently having tests done as his hands are numb and he's struggling using tools at work and he's just going with the flow and not even thinking about it and just letting doctors do their thing and send him for whatever tests they think he needs whereas I would have already diagnosed myself with allsorts! It would be lovely to have his mentality and just think well they're the professionals, let them sort it, no point me googling anything. I wonder how we are related when I'm the complete opposite!! xx

Hi everyone,

I totally get what you mean, if I’m not worrying about something I almost worry about not worrying....so I find something to worry about. I’ve literally found myself thinking ‘what was I worrying about and searching my brain for something to latch onto’! It’s awful!

This morning I woke up feeling ok, managed to practice putting the worry in the box and throwing it away in my mind but did it last? No, did it hell. Getting dressed I decided I should check my breasts in the mirror - so I end up standing there for 20 minutes, flexing and bending over and all kinds of crazy positions to see if I can see anything 😡

@Mvshrln if it helps, I agree that I think bone cancer would present as an injury or easily broken bone. I worked with someone once who was diagnosed with bone cancer in his leg, he didn’t have any symptoms until he stepped down from a van like normal and his leg gave underneath him and broke the bone. It didn’t heal as it should have and that’s how his cancer was diagnosed.

@Mvshrln glad you've not got too long to wait for your scan and at least with it being an MRI it will be very thorough, and i'm sure will rule out anything nasty.

My urine tests are this week but they will probably take a couple of weeks to come back, so i'm now thinking i'll be spending the whole of xmas either worrying, or finding out right before that they're abnormal (which will mean it's cancer as it's a very specific test that is rarely a false positive).

@Lib3rtine yes my DH is the same, had a lump in his groin just said ‘I’ll give a couple of weeks if it’s still there I will see someone’ just like that, forgot about it and carried on with his day!?!? Only wish I could be like that!! Hope you’re day is going good today x

@MrsWhites lol that sounds like me! The strange positions I have got myself into to try and check something!! Xx

I'm like that with my stomach. Poke and prod so much it hurts. And of course I tell myself it's not hurting because I've prodded too much, but because something awful is in there!
Yesterday I was fine, today because I've got the dull ache that is probably gallbladder related (every female in my family has had their gallbladder out plus I've had 3 "attacks" that had they been on the left I'd have thought heart attack, I'm post menopause so have no hormones and body is crumbling anyway ) yet I'm low because I'm googling again. Sigh.
Have repeat smear at the weekend because they couldn't get enough cells so though that's happened before (cervical erosion) this time I'm convinced it's yes, something terrible.
I agree about men- DH had prostatitis and just got it looked at, no sweat. I'm googling and thinking he should be making a will.

Hi @TheSilentStars it sounds like you are having a tough time. I believe it is quite common to have to redo a smear because not enough cells were collected, especially after menopause so I’m sure it’s just that.

Smears are a real anxiety trigger for me though so I greatly sympathise x