relationship over and just been given anti d's. cant move forward

[muma3]

ill post a link

yeah , just thought you had done a runner, i did. i just wanted to say thanks. everythig got too much. spent some time on toilet floor and feeling better really wish i could rewind 5 months or so...

thanks fawkeoff. i dont want to feel better, i want to erase it all . dont want to move on, not on my own. dont want to think of the kids. they have lost there father and it puts pressure on me to feel happy that i have them . i cant, i want them and there dad, and a family. i know you mean well but i cant see forward at all

oh my god, that is exactly what i have been saying, " if only i could rewind 5 months."
i think that constantly.

How weird.
Are you a Taurus?

you haven't offended me at all hun, but you do have to remember that you are depressed and may feel differantly once you start feeling emotionally better.allgonebeelyup i have seen some of your threads also and just want you to know that i feel for u too hun x x

i know though that if i did i would still be here now as i couldnt of done anything different. it would be nice to do it all over again , not knowing what would happen. just to be loved once more by him?

hi allgonebellyup and muma3,
you will both come out of this as more stronger people.
it will pass, and there is a long life in front of you, full of many happinesses believe me.
hugs to both of you.
xxxxx

thanks turquiose, dont feel so high today, but not low either.

mama3 are you around today????

hi , just got back from town. im so agrophobic(sp?). had to go job center about income supprt etc and sort housing benefit. not going to claim is as i get maintenance. waste of my time that was.

i think the tablets are working. i have taken some pro plus too to keep me alert and together i am feeling quite numb in a good way. dont get me wrong i want to cry but i just cant seem to focus on my hurt right now. think they are masking the upset right now.

how is everyone else?

2 older girls are going to dd2 dads as usual tonight , they go every other weekend . ex-p is coming round tonight when kids get back form school to see them before they go. he is suppose to be having dd3 for a while tmw and then taking her to dd2 nans house. she is having her while i go out for my frineds bday tmw eve. really dont want to go . 1. if i dont drink ill get depressed and ruin it . 2. if i drink and get drunk ill prob start balling and be a wreck , god i dont even know how i am going to get through that. then all day sunday on my own. all girls back sunday eve 6pm.

i know how you feel, please try to arrange something on sunday so youre not alone. is there anyone you can visit?
yes the pills sound like theyre doing something, mine started making me really high yesterday afternoon/evening, i couldnt stop smiling and cuddling the kids..has worn off by today though!

i didnt think they would work so quick, im very sceptical but something has happened. took 1 yesterday when got home from docs and one this morning. thought it would better to take in morning then they are working when the lonely eves draw in.

be careful though, dont expect them to be a miracle straight away - on my 3rd day i felt a lot better and more normal but on the 4-6th days i was back in the gutter and sobbing all day.
they can make you very up and down for the first couple of weeks!!
please be patient and they will level themselves out, but glad you feel better today.

im expecting myself to be crying now but for a change im not so dont think it will come as a shock when it all comes back tbh. think my eyes and head are grateful for the rest today though

good, sorry didnt mean to bring you down but i remember feeling better 2 weeks ago, just for it all to vanish again - but that is probably just me!

you may get the good feeling build up gradually rather than manic highs and lows like me.

i really dont care tbh how i feel any more. just worrying about the girls now dd3 seems so low at the minute. dd2 nan asked if i minded if she kept dd3 for sunday as well as sat eve/night. she asked if i would ok on my own. i told her that i needed the girls to be stimulated and have their little minds taken off things as its just the pits round here right now. hope they have a nice time over weekend they deserve it ... god the guilt i just cant be happy for their sake, why not?? they should come first but i cant force myself at the minute to hold things together.

hey at least youre focusing on the kids, thats actually a sign youre slightly better - i know when i am totally low/suicidal i cant even put them first.
your daughters need you, and you need them.

very true, yesterday , somone could of said they were being put in care and i would of let them now i just want them to be happy. in time i may be able to do that on my own. right now i need other peoples help with them so they arent surrounded by their mum self pitying

its not self-pity, youre in a horrid situation and thats not your fault.

i know but i canthelp thinking "the what if's" and "could i of " but it wont get me any where i know. i would like some answers from him though when i am feeling better . just stupid things like when he realsied he wanted to live as a single man again, how long as he felt like this? have i said something or done something that put him off me ? is it becasue i have put weight on? has he stopped fancing me? etc etc etc i could go on forever but i do need to know . did you feel like that???

yes, now my pills are working i wish i couldve gone on them 3yrs ago when our son was born. i treated dh like utter crap, and i was the one who asked him to leave when he didnt want to go! He was gutted at the time.

i realise now i have been terribly depressed since the birth of ds , took my anger out on dh and now i have ruined everything. All because of my horrendous moods. And i cant turn the clock back, and doesnt accept my "excuse" that i was depressed, he thinks im making it up to excuse my "evilness".

sorry to keep bargeing in on your thread but i just wanted to give you both a )))))))))))HUG(((((((((((((

well if he is/has been that insensitive then dont ponder on it. how was you to know if was due to pnd?? i know at the time (and i kknow now from last few days) that you dont see your depressed til its too late. its not your fault and i hope you already know that im sure if i had gone on ad's last week i may not of been so bad the this week, but again, how would i of known.

afwiw how could any one say you are evil

thanks fawkeoff

god im rattling round this house in more ways then one

Believe me, i was evil to him. Horrendously so, i used to belittle him and practically bully him.
i can see it all so clearly now

i hope youre going to be fine.

aww hun i dont know what to say... still isnt your fault though babe