Recovering after a breakdown

[peaceandgin]

Can anyone tell me their stories of recovering after a breakdown?

I’ve just endured a few months of almost constant panic, sobbing and being sick / not eating.

I just had my 3rd non tearful / non panicked day in a week (but not in a row) and I’m hoping to turn a corner soon.

My lovely DH has been amazing and together we’ve worked out that moving away for a fresh start (to a familiar place) would help me recover. He can still work in the new location. A costly move but hopefully worth it. Our families are backing us up all the way.

Am I turning a corner? do you have a happy ending?

Hi, that sounds horrendous and I feel for you. I've been through similar lately myself (still am). Are you on meds?

3 good days sounds like a positive step. Try to focus on those rather than any bad days. X

I had a breakdown last year- 6months of being unable to function. Sertraline (and a fantastic boss) helped me get back to work but it was still really tough. I had days that were manageable and days that I fell apart but no good days. Then one day I realised I felt happy- it was such a weird feeling! I still have days when I struggle, but the happy days are coming more often. I'm still on sertraline but hoping to start reducing it.

Hope you find your happy days soon.

@Rowanberries can I ask how long e sertraline took to work for you? Sorry OP to hijack!

I’m just on propranolol at the moment but my GP wants to suggest other options.

Yesterday I laughed at something and felt excited about something - it was such a weird feeling!

All thread hijacks are welcome.

I woke up this morning and felt 50% less panicked than yesterday when I woke up.

It’s so hard. Especially when you’re a parent trying to hide it all from children. Dreading the Summer holidays. I have no idea how I’ll get through it (I find hot sunny days are worst for me and I don’t know why)

The biggest thing I noticed was that it helped me sleep- I was getting barely any sleep and after 3 weeks I started sleeping through. I increased my dose after a month and after another month I felt well enough for a part time return to work. 4 months after starting I was full time and my happy days started. I'm 7 months in now.

I also did some CBT but the only thing that really helped there was hearing the therapist say she was surprised I hadn't broken earlier given what I had been dealing with. She referred me into a higher intensity programme as she felt my issues were more complex. That hasn't happened yet as lockdown intervened.

I think i had been so stressed, for so long, that my brian was exhausted and couldn't function. Sertraline just boosted my serotonin enough that it could start to function again.

@peaceandgin well done to you. Looking for positives is a great step forward. I know what you mean about trying to hide it from the kids it's so hard when all you want to do is hide away.

Definitely worth keeping in touch with GP if things don't improve but it sounds like you are starting to get improvements.

Thank you for the positive vibes & stories shared. Sertraline sounds like a good option (I think it’s been suggested by my GP)

Does everyone else have triggers? I know I do & I find it hard to get past them.

My DH is in shock as I’m so calm & happy usually. He’s a great support.

Just proves it can happen to anyone though. And that’s scary in itself

@Rowanberries I was job hunting pre breakdown. Now I’m worried that I’ll just sob during interviews.

I’m definitely not ready to work yet

I just want to be my normal self.

I’m sleeping very well. But I feel complete panic / dread when I wake up in the morning.

I had a breakdown 3- almost 4- years ago.
The first year I existed in a complete living hell. Constant state of panic and horrendous physical anxiety symptoms alongside feeling like I was in a bubble and forgetting even simple things. The thought of school hols etc had me in sheer terror as I felt I couldn't look after myself, let alone my DC and I was sure I was about to die at any moment.
It's only been these last two years I've felt more like 'me'.
I refused all medication as I had a fear of feeling further out of control. I attended cbt which really helped and I did my best to stay off Google!. But what really helped me was a book ( I'm in no way linked to this book though)...
I can honestly say I credit Paul David's 'At last a Life' and his anxiety blog with really really helping me the most and finally setting me on the road to recovery.
The blog and book explains triggers perfectly and takes the fear away.

@Spied Thanks so much for sharing. Sounds frightfully similar. I’ll look into that book x

@Umbongo1 I’m focusing on my good days by writing down why it was good. Hopefully it helps hope you’re ok

I just had a look at that book on Amazon and I felt overwhelmed with the feelings of “I can’t be arsed to read. I don’t want to read. I can’t relax enough to read”

Not like me at all

No need to be about not being ready for work. You've more important things to do at the moment- getting better.

My triggers are lack of control and being in the same situation that triggered the initial breakdown.

Being able to step away from the situation if I need to is important and short notice time off is a difficult thing to do in my job. So I schedule at least 1 day off a week now. If I feel ok I cancel it (and have a meeting free day to actually work). If i don't feel ok, I can take some down time without feeling guilty.

How old are your kids? Mine are early/pre teens. Lockdown homeschooling has been an extra challenge!

Oh one of my signs I was struggling was I couldn't read. I couldn't hold focus and it was just exhausting. I just lay on my bed/sofa and stared into space.

I've read 6 books in the last month

My triggers are lack of control and being in the same situation that triggered the initial breakdown

I know my triggers now. I think. And it’s an expensive fix! But we’re going to try and do it anyway. Hopefully it’ll work. And then never put myself in this situation ever again!

I’d rather be frugal and happy. Than completely broken with money to spare.

Luckily DC are in Yr R and Yr 1 so they’ve been at school for a few weeks. But I’m really worried about the school holidays. Could cry thinking about it

@Spied

I had a breakdown 3- almost 4- years ago. The first year I existed in a complete living hell. Constant state of panic and horrendous physical anxiety symptoms alongside feeling like I was in a bubble and forgetting even simple things. The thought of school hols etc had me in sheer terror as I felt I couldn't look after myself, let alone my DC and I was sure I was about to die at any moment. It's only been these last two years I've felt more like 'me'. I refused all medication as I had a fear of feeling further out of control. I attended cbt which really helped and I did my best to stay off Google!. But what really helped me was a book ( I'm in no way linked to this book though)... I can honestly say I credit Paul David's 'At last a Life' and his anxiety blog with really really helping me the most and finally setting me on the road to recovery. The blog and book explains triggers perfectly and takes the fear away.

Hiya. I’ve read at last a life when I went through a bad period of anxiety 7 years ago. Found it a godsend to be honest!

Now in a bad state with anxiety again due to many factors including the worry of covid. How did you manage to recover without meds!? Was it just the book or did you use other things to help I.e distraction, exercise etc?

What bits of the school holidays worry you the most? If you identify that then we can think of some coping strategies?

Mine are: feeding them. Mentally exhausting and requiring a level of planning and co-ordination that was beyond me. I now have a list in the kitchen which we add on what they would like. Functions as shopping list and meal inspiration at the same time. About half of these are easy meals- cupboard or freezer focused and I stock up on these. Pesto pasta is my bad day solution.

The noise: I have sensory difficulties and noise and activities overwhelm me. So I make sure that I don't try and do too much at once (never cook dinner and try and supervise activity), have quiet periods (aka film and popcorn) and don't aim to set rules I cant keep too (like banning screens).

@Vampyhooch
I was referred for CBT and did that for about 12 weeks. It did help me but it only really scratched the surface.
The sertraline and other medicines ( that I'd agreed with my G.P I would try) sat in my cabinet completely untouched. I had so many physical symptoms I couldn't bring myself to take them and risk feeling any worse ( I'd read the side-effects in the meds leaflet) and in my state thought they'd kill me off.
I'd spent lots of money and all my time ( I'd had to give up work) scouring bookshops ( the only time I felt like leaving the house) looking that would help me when I came across the Paul David blog.
I read this and I cried. It was something I could relate to. The only thing that ever explained to me why I felt as I did.
I followed the approach the book suggested and I can honestly say that, yes, I believe it's this book that changed my life and set me back on the road to enjoying life again not fearing it.

@Vampyhooch
Sorry to hear you are going through a bad time- I'm having bad days too but as awfully warped as it sounds I take comfort in the fact that with regards to Covid we are really all in the same boat.
I'd possibly look into the Clare Weekes approach too if you've already found 'At Last a Life' helpful.( which the P.David book is kind of based on) it's basically an explanation along the same lines and which am sure you'll find helpful.

[quote Spied]**@Vampyhooch
Sorry to hear you are going through a bad time- I'm having bad days too but as awfully warped as it sounds I take comfort in the fact that with regards to Covid we are really all in the same boat.
I'd possibly look into the Clare Weekes approach too if you've already found 'At Last a Life' helpful.( which the P.David book is kind of based on) it's basically an explanation along the same lines and which am sure you'll find helpful.[/quote]
Thanks! I actually gave my book to someone I know who was suffering a couple of years ago so I’m contemplating ordering another copy.

I’m suffering with a constant feeling of dread and while the physical symptoms have eased somewhat I have really bad depersonalisation at the moment which is horrible. Finding it hard to accept it as it’s so uncomfortable if you know what I mean?

Yeah I’m having cbt over the phone at the moment but I don’t find it is helping too much at present

@Rowanberries I too am worried about noise :( children noise, neighbour noise, general city life noises.

I feel worse during the Summer because hot sunny days makes me feel surreal and dream like. Like I don’t actually exist and nothing is real. It’s hard to explain!

Depersonalisation is really scary, I agree.

My first experience of it was when I was browsing a charity shop in town looking for books. I got a sudden overwhelming feeling I wasn't real and the sounds and lights in the shop were like nothing I'd ever seen. People even seemed to move very strangely and I felt 10 ft tall.
I kind of floated out the shop and somehow got home.

I hope you don't mind me sharing my experience OP but I really feel that sharing helps and makes sufferers realise they are not alone which takes some of the fear away- and makes episodes less severe and more unlikely.

Sorry for the hijack💐. I couldn't read and run, it sounds like you've had a tough time. Can I ask at what point do you know you've had or are in the process of having a breakdown? Is there always an external trigger or is it something beyond logic? I've been on a downward spiral for a few years. I feel that external triggers have taken me down and the lack of focus I have and intrusive thoughts all compound.

No, I kinda get it. In my case I think its linked to sunlight on my skin adding another sensory layer, plus we are outside more so more noise/interaction. Have a look at sensory processing difficulties- you might find some familiar descriptions. When my kids were very small I wore ear plugs at times! I could still hear and interact with them but the noise wasn't quite so physical

One thing I've taken to doing is setting up a pinterest board where I pin pictures of my happy space (christmas and snow basically). So if i find myself getting overwhelmed i can go look at some lovely silent snowy forests. I also struggled with transition from a full on day to a quieter evening cos I was carrying all the noise from the day with me. Now I go into a darkened room and watch an episode of a tv programme on my phone with headphones on. Seems to help me prepare to relax in the evening.

@Spied and @Chociefish I don’t mind you sharing, hijacking or anything like that. Please go ahead, share and ask.

@chociefish I knew it was a breakdown when my lovely GP had to talk to my DH on the phone because I was too panicked to speak. It was happening every single day and I just couldn’t function.

@Rowanberries we sound very similar! I really believe I have sensory processing difficulties. Is there any help for it in adults? Pinterest helps me too

I knew it was a breakdown where I told a senior person to fuck off and walked out of work. TBF he did cause an inordinate about of problems and has now accepted he was a dick.

I haven't seen anything for adults but my youngest is being assessed at the moment so am hoping to pinch some ideas from his OT when it starts. I see me in him so much so I know that gradual exposure to noisy/lively places can help, as can facilitating a place to withdraw to when it gets too much.