Please talk to me about severe anxiety, struggling to support someone almost suicidal

[IndecentFeminist]

My mum is really struggling.

I'll post the full story.

She started feeling quite anxious coming through lockdown. Went to docs, was prescribed medication, mirtazapine. Took these for about 4 or 5 weeks but felt really ill, moved from just anxiety to it being quite debilitating.

Was switched to sertraline. Started getting very panicky. Had valium to help calm and sleep. Started getting urinary retention, paramedics fitted a catheter.

Was switched to paroxetine. This seemed to help a little, but there were concerns about the urinary retention. She got very manic a few days ago, due to lack of sleep and fear . So they prescribed quetiapine, to help calm the mania and help sleep.

First night of quetiapine, she was manic. Suicidal, didn't sleep at all. Very low dose of 25mg.

I went and spent the day the following morning calming her, letting my dad rest and phoning round docs, private hospitals etc.

The docs etc here are still fully locked down, aside from a suicide prevention charity and a few community nurses, and the paramedics she hasn't seen anyone.

She's now been prescribed trazadone as apparently it has a sedative effect. She didn't have any Friday night as it hadn't arrived, she just had the quetiapine and some valium. She slept well, and had a good day yesterday. Still very anxious, but able to chat a bit, see family etc.

Last night she had the first trazadone. A very small dose of 50mg. Plus a quetiapine of 25mg.

She slept, but woke at 3 desperate and didn't sleep again.

Today she has been worse than I have seen her. Keeps saying she's scared, can't go on, is a burden, wants to go, is losing her independence, can't see a way out etc.

Community nurses have just been back. They're going to get doc to phone tomorrow. They suggested no trazadone tonight, just a bigger dose of quetiapine. She's worried that the constipation will get worse and she'll end up in hospital.

I've had to come home, get kids sorted as DH has to work. My dad and sister are holding the fort.

Has anyone any experience dealing with debilitating anxiety and suicidal thoughts?

I think she has been swapped to many times on different meds !!! Her brain is confused I had horrendous withdrawal last year and had all this .unfortunately doctors don't know about this but it is very real
You can suffer withdrawal at such a small
Space of time . She us also getting side effects too

You poor thing and your poor mum. Too much chopping and changing of anti depressants in a short space of time. i believe older people can be more sensitive to them. i take 100mg trazodone at night and have found it very helpful for anxiety but of course everyone is different. if it were my mum I'd want her to he reviewed by a psychiatrist, pref one with experience of older people. Can you afford to go private? These are strong medications and GP often not best to prescribe them. Best wishes.

Some advice- have you been referred to a crisis team or number? If possible, don't leave her alone at all- can your dad and sister take shifts to be with her all day/night. I dont want to be outing but this sounds very like a close family member of mine and it ended very sadly. It's awful how little support there is from the medical profession. I agree she has been switched to too many medications and may be better coming off them, and trying to tackle the lack of sleep first.

Thank you for replying.

We managed to get hold of a crisis team, and they have been to see her. They spoke to GP and she has taken 100mg quetiapine and gone to sleep. 🤞 She has a better night.

We are happy for her to go private, it's just finding someone who will see her, not just zoom or whatever. We've even looked at places like the Priory as an inpatient, just to have some safe rest and clear the drugs from her system.

She's 68, interesting that older people can be more sensitive.

The lady who came today is back tomorrow to see how she got on overnight, and is then going to feed back to the psychiatrist that has seen her case. Maybe we can push for him to see her in real life?

She also said there was a ward in the nearby town that would be a last ditch resort. I can't decide if her being admitted somewhere would be a good or bad thing...it might be a safe space to get the medication sorted etc, or it might knock her right back. She's petrified of going to hospital, keeps saying they couldn't look after someone like her. That mentally unstable people are not popular patients 😭

And no antidepressant tonight. Will review tomorrow.

Oh your poor mum. Hopefully she'll sleep through, sleep is so important. Difficult decision re the hospital. It would be somewhere safe where they could get her meds sorted and hopefully stabilise her. But totally understand her concerns. Somewhere with long visiting hours may be better? Anyhow, see how you go tonight. Best wishes.

Pretty sure quetiapine also has some anti depressant effects.

I think they have chopped and changed too much. I take Mirtazapine and it took 6 weeIs to take effect. It had horrid side effects for me at first. I was suicidal when I wasn’t even depressed before. My GP told me to stick with it and monitored me closely and now it’s working.
Sertraline made me have massive panic attacks but again it takes a while to work and the side effects can be brutal. I think your poor mum has had too many changes and not enough time for anything to work.

I do want to say though that although it is horrendous right now, it really, really can and will get better with proper treatment. I have been in some bloody dark places and I always come back out. The first time it happens is the worst because it’s all new and you think this is it forever...it isn’t. I honestly believe your mum will come through this.
For now I’m sending for you and your mum. And don’t underestimate just how much you are helping her. It is wonderful that she has family support. It is so important and you sound like you are doing all of the right things.

Hope things are a bit better today OP.

Thanks all. We are still rollercoaster riding a little tbh. She slept better after a heavy dose of quetiapine and was a bit withdrawn but calmer today. District nurse came to check catheter, said it was fine. Mental health nurse and then psychiatrist came, she liked them. Annoyingly her catheter is now blocked, so they're waiting on 111. Either a district nurse or paramedics.

Doc also said he didn't think the urinary retention was stress, maybe her bladder has moved and might need an op. Doesn't bode well for a calm night!

Oh well sleep at least is good. Hope you don't have to wait to long for paramedics, and that an op isn't needed. Really pleased she liked the mental health professionals - it sounds like she's getting some good support. Really hope tomorrow is better.

Is this all new or has this happened before? Has someone seen and properly assessed your mum? Seems to me she needs a full physical and mental health assessment, she sounds significantly unwell and new urinary retention + new severe mental health issues at 68 sounds a bit odd and worthy of thorough assessment, in hospital probably not a bad thing for speed and thoroughness of doing that.

A psychiatrist was out yesterday. Not sure anyone is really looking into the physical issues, we are pushing it. Everyone we speak to says hospital won't take her, she'd be turned away etc. She would need to be sedated to go I reckon.

She slept again last night, woke up with a bit of a racing heart. Catheter worked overnight, think she is still constipated which worries her. She had a face to face appointment booked for this afternoon with a gp which has just been cancelled as gp is ill apparently.

Can another GP see her? Her bladder problem surely needs attention? Glad to hear about the sleep though. Hang in there.

They're waiting for a referral to urology I think.

Oh thats good. Has she had any blood tests done? Always good to check there's not a physical cause for psychiatriatric symptoms (eg infection...)

I’ve been where your mum is, I was 54. I’ve had anxiety/depression before well more anxiety.

I’ve never been as poorly as I was at 54, I think it was menopause that triggered it but didn’t realise till years later!!

I too that I was going literally mad, couldn’t eat appetite completely gone with the anxiety. I was so so tired, yet wired. Couldn’t sleep, managing on 2/3 hrs.
After a while I actually got assessed by mh team, was supposed to have psych come to house but didn’t turn up.
I had a bad time looking back with the nhs mh team.
You seem to be getting much better help straight away, I had to wait what seemed like weeks
Then when I finally got appointment with psych, she couldn’t see me as was called to hospital. I was so angry, crying I’d waited weeks. I said I was waiting for her to come back.
When she did, she said I can see you for 10 mins.
In my head I thought no you won’t, I’m losing my head here you will listen.
Anyway long story short

The thing with psych’s is they are very much Medication people, and like gp’s(who aren’t qualified mh) will not give you enough time for the meds to start working. They do take anything from 6 weeks to work and you will get SE with them all unfortunately some more than others until they settle
That’s where diazepam comes in

Don’t let them psych or gp keep changing her med’s and adding others in with the mix. She may feel groggy.
There are antihistamine’s on prescription that help you sleep
They worked for me.
Quetiapine Is an antipsychotic with a half life of about 7 hrs

I ended up under secondary mh care, sounds like there on the ball with your mum, but don’t give them an inch
If you don’t shout hard enough, you don’t get and get left

I’d say no to hospital, there are some very very sick people in there which may make her worse. There’s nothing like your own home and family you know
If she was to be allowed in, YOU would NOT be allowed to go and visit.

It not a quick fix unfortunately and may take weeks for her to settle on a med, but she will get there it’s time and more time
Which is the worse part about it
Because you so want to be yourself again.

I still suffer anxiety and the occasional depression but nothing like I was. It’s still frightening though because you automatically think I’m going back to being ill again.

Do let us know how she’s doing

The the constipation
As she tried ducolease ?
It’s a stool softener, so you can take I think up to 4 a day
There much better than laxative, they give you awful tummy pains
You can get them on prescription under another name
No sure what there called.

Re the priory
I’m not sure you part of the country?
But I looked into it
It’s about 5/6k a week
They also have a day treatment things like therapy, group therapy and you can also see private psych
but if your mum was as bad as I was (she sounds it) therapy is to soon
She’s not well enough to take it all in.

How’s your mum op

Hi everyone, thanks for checking in. She slept ok again, but wasn't great this morning by all accounts. Tried to get her pills again.

My dad managed to get the GP to come and see her, and she was lovely. Really calm, reassuring and warm. I think my mum felt calmer and empowered a little after, the GP told her that right now the physical effects of the anxiety were abating and she was doing well...and that the mental side would follow. That at the moment she is feeling low because she is calmer due to the meds, when she has been running on adrenaline for the last few months, but at some point she would be able to flock the switch/take the leap and be ready to get better. That as the physical symptoms were going (she still have the catheter and will do for a bit) that it is now low mood and stuff that will need to be worked on.

When I left she seemed almost positive...that she wanted to get better.

Crisis nurse came in the afternoon, I wasn't there for that. But my dad messaged this evening to say that she had decided to go into hospital for a bit, to work on getting the meds sorted...so she will probably be admitted tomorrow, all things being equal.

My sister is very sceptical, but while I am nervous for her I feel like the fact that she has made this decision is very positive. She was petrified of going to hospital, so to actively choose to is very brave and proactive. Apparently she has said that she is determined to get better.

I've arranged to go with my dad to take her tomorrow. Apparently she gets her own room and can have visitors pretty much whenever. I'm sure she may not have the best night's sleep now, and may be very anxious tomorrow. But I very much hope that it is an ok experience for her. The GP did tell her that it was a calm place in the main, but obviously at times there may be people there who were very distressed etc. I am nervous, nervous that if it doesn't go well it will knock her down massively. I hope that they're as caring as the people we have met so far, I'm sure they are but it is still a worry. I hope they can find a regime that 'brings her back' and that she is happy with. I miss my mum! I hate seeing her so unhappy and desperate.

She must be very poorly to be admitted, as it’s very hard to get into psych hospital as there in much demand(unfortunately)

One word of warning
Please watch her meds
For change
they really do take time to work, so she won’t be staying in for just a few days
Adding more meds
psych are porn to giving many drugs to get you in and out quickly and move on to the next patient
Before you know it your on a cocktail of them, these drugs are very powerful on the brain so don’t underestimate them and much harder to come off than start.

I do hope it’s a calm place for her and there’s nobody in at the time she is that frightens her.
It’s good she can have visits any time.

thinking of you and your mum today OP

I really feel for you and your mum.

This might seem like a drop in the ocean right now, but it might be worth your reading this book to get an idea of the effects of going on and off psychiatric drugs. It won’t fit your mum’s situation exactly, but it may help:
www.amazon.co.uk/Antidepressant-Solution-Step-Step-Overcoming/dp/074326973X?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Also, if you don’t feel that her medication is being managed well then you could hopefully get a private psychiatrist to do a medication review at some point. It might focus the attention of her current prescribers at least.

Did your mum settle ok in hospital today, hope it went smoothly