Please talk to me about severe anxiety, struggling to support someone almost suicidal

[IndecentFeminist]

My mum is really struggling.

I'll post the full story.

She started feeling quite anxious coming through lockdown. Went to docs, was prescribed medication, mirtazapine. Took these for about 4 or 5 weeks but felt really ill, moved from just anxiety to it being quite debilitating.

Was switched to sertraline. Started getting very panicky. Had valium to help calm and sleep. Started getting urinary retention, paramedics fitted a catheter.

Was switched to paroxetine. This seemed to help a little, but there were concerns about the urinary retention. She got very manic a few days ago, due to lack of sleep and fear . So they prescribed quetiapine, to help calm the mania and help sleep.

First night of quetiapine, she was manic. Suicidal, didn't sleep at all. Very low dose of 25mg.

I went and spent the day the following morning calming her, letting my dad rest and phoning round docs, private hospitals etc.

The docs etc here are still fully locked down, aside from a suicide prevention charity and a few community nurses, and the paramedics she hasn't seen anyone.

She's now been prescribed trazadone as apparently it has a sedative effect. She didn't have any Friday night as it hadn't arrived, she just had the quetiapine and some valium. She slept well, and had a good day yesterday. Still very anxious, but able to chat a bit, see family etc.

Last night she had the first trazadone. A very small dose of 50mg. Plus a quetiapine of 25mg.

She slept, but woke at 3 desperate and didn't sleep again.

Today she has been worse than I have seen her. Keeps saying she's scared, can't go on, is a burden, wants to go, is losing her independence, can't see a way out etc.

Community nurses have just been back. They're going to get doc to phone tomorrow. They suggested no trazadone tonight, just a bigger dose of quetiapine. She's worried that the constipation will get worse and she'll end up in hospital.

I've had to come home, get kids sorted as DH has to work. My dad and sister are holding the fort.

Has anyone any experience dealing with debilitating anxiety and suicidal thoughts?

Thank you all. ❤️ She was so brave. Very scared, but did it all the same. I pointed out that being scared but doing it anyway shows that she is in control, not the anxiety. And that's a massive step.

The facility is really nice, it is specifically for older patients and will look at the physical issues too so a good fit.

I think it was a shock when she got there and my neither of us were allowed to accompany her in, but she calmed and has been messaging through the day which is a good start. We booked a visit for this eve so have been to see her. She was worried, scared etc but being fairly stoical.

Leaving her was hard, she was getting tired and didn't want to be left. They won't let her keep charging cables etc so I've ordered her a couple of big power packs and a very short cable so she can keep her phone with her.

My role in the family is to be the stoic, which is fine but tbh I'm exhausted. I hate seeing her so sad and scared. But I have faith that she will come through it, I just don't know what she'll have to go through to get there.

Those with experience of these matters, will there be 'activities' or things she can/has to do during the days? Or are they left to their own devices apart from check ups? She's worried about the lonely nights, she hasn't been alone for decades.

That’s sounds positive, @IndecentFeminist.
Re activities I think it varies a lot between facilities, but you could definitely ask to ensure she doesn’t miss out on anything. For the nights, can she listen to audiobooks/radio? Perhaps with wireless headphones. Although it’s summer I find an electric heat pad really comforting but I don’t know how to get around cables... May be a microwaveable wheat bag if someone there could warm it for her? Weighted blankets also very comforting for some people.

There are usually some activities available at least in the am or pm. Does she read much? books or magazines are good. Next time you visit do ask about activities and she's allowed to have - kindle/tablet? The staff will usually have suggestions.

I'm not surprised you're exhausted this is really tough stuff. Please make sure you get as much rest as possible.

Great update, I think it depends on the hospital and it’s funding if the can afford for a therapist
It also depends what state of mind your mums in, concentration ie, card games, jigsaw maybe chair yoga
She won’t be made to do anything but if they think it may help they will ask does she want to go

Re night time
Again it depends on your mum
At the moment,
Would she be chatter to say go to the tv room?
Or just keep herself in her room?

It really depends if it’s high anxiety? Or depression?

With depression you can’t be bothered with anyone, sort of in your own world.
Anxiety
To scared to move, maybe very nervous

Is she up to say reading
Magazines, paper, books
Word search, crossword
Or subscribe to audiobooks thinks it’s £7.99 mth one off mth
If she’s not eating, or hospital food not good.
Maybe snacks or sandwich when you go to see her. If her teas not nice she can eat it later evening
Well done for staying strong for your mum and taking some weight of your dad

So glad to hear that your mum is settled and can have some intensive treatment.

If this is unusual for your mum and not part of a pre existing pattern has anyone considered scanning her head? Just to make sure no physical cause underlying?

I know we have to give it time, but it's so hard. We were only allowed in for half an hour and not in her room. Apparently the doctor who came to check her catheter was rude and abrupt, and 'scared her'. She's so sad, and lonely. The staff seem nice enough but it is quite clinical and formal, some of the other patients scare her. They wouldn't even let us help carry her stuff to her room just round the corner from where we her, we had to watch her wheel off on her own laden with stuff. 😭

I hope that come Monday there will be some sort of activity, my dad and I might ask to talk to a staff member and find out how it all works.

I'm also looking for private services that can come to their house, to see what is out there.

Oh OP (((hugs))) that is all really hard. Just try and take things one day (or less) at a time. It won't be for long x

Update on your mum?
how she been over the weekend, today should be the start of more input from the hospital as maybe psych as been today.
Hope all is well, it’s a long road but she’ll get there.

That's a hell of a lot of meds changes in a short time. I'm on 2 meds for similar reasons and both took a while to settle down. I would be wanting her to see a different GP as this one sounds too reactive.

Thanks everyone 😊 it really helps to talk.

She's ok. Saturday was much more rational by all accounts, I haven't seen her since Fri as my sister was over for the weekend so needed priority. Yesterday wasn't great, catheter problems, lovely, bored, scared etc.

They had first meeting with the docs this morning, my dad went in too. They have a plan for the catheter and will start an antidepressant on Thursday if that goes well. They haven't decided which get, will review as a team. My dad got a good impression, said they were very aware and switched on, which was reassuring. She's still very nervous but really wants to get better.

I set her up an account on an audiobook site yesterday and saved a list of lots of nice lighthearted books for her to listen to, won't require much concentration but will provide some noise and distraction. She has been out of her room a bit, apparently the TV in the communal area was far too loud so she went back to her room . She said though that they'd made her room nice for her, tidied etc.

I really struggled this weekend, it is so all consuming...I hate the thought of her being sad and lonely, scared etc. But feeling more positive today.

Will be visiting this eve, it is my dad's birthday tomorrow so an going to bake a cake to take in tomorrow to celebrate with her.

Only having a half hour visit per day is hard, I appreciate they have their reasons though.

Thanks for checking in. 🙂

Its a really tough situation OP so be kind to yourself. Its good her meds are now being prescribed by the hospital team - much better than a GP. Audio book sounds v good too. Thinking of you all and sending best wishes.

How’s your mum doing ?

It's like I can't enjoy anything because in the back of my mind I know she is somewhere else and sad. I almost feel resentful when I see other people with their parents annoying the relaxing of lockdown. (The anxiety/breakdown are due to covid worries and lockdown.)

I do a very good job of being the positive, stoical one and visit her every day with my dad, and then come home and switch on a smile to the kids but I just don't know how to do this for the long haul.

I know I have to keep believing that she will get better but that it takes time, but it's just so hard.

Any words out there? I don't want to forget her or whatever but I just don't know how to do this.

If anyone has any positive stories of recovery from her position too I'd appreciate it 😂🙏

I think it is duloxetine she's been given, any experience?

Thanks to take time to update, as you must have a lot on your plate

Your bound to be angry at seeing others enjoying things and acting like it’s all back to normal and nothing’s happened these last few months.
This lockdown as made your mum ill, how dare they carry on like this
Re the acting like your in control and calm, it’s because it’s your mum and you don’t want to show her your not handling her illness or crying in front of her.
We behave like this in front of others so that they don’t feel scared and things will be ok again.

We all want those we love to become well again quickly, unfortunately some is longer than others. When it’s mh issues not many know have to be or what to say, as we don’t actually know how the other person is feeling or what’s going on in there head as it’s not us.
Mh is hard to understand especially if you haven’t gone through it yourself.

She didn’t have a good start with all the swooping Of meds within such a short time, so they need to be gone out of her system
Hopefully now she’s just on the Duloxetine and maybe diazepam
So once that starts to get in her system and start up effects have lessened she’ll be on the right road

Duloxetine is an SNRI, I’ve not got experience of that drug.
My sister is on it and tolerate it well. She as a hell of a lot of physical illness also.
I take the other SNRI Venlafaxine
That got me out of a black suicidal/anxiety hole
I won’t lie it wasn’t over night, but then we’re all unique in our makeup.

Is your mum getting any talking therapy to help with dealing with her lockdown & covid anxiety ?

Have you seen any improvement s in your mum yet? Hope she’s getting along with the AD she’s been given, and they’ve not had to change it for her.

Is she still in hospital op,