Hospital admission

[RealityCheck24601]

It's looking increasingly likely that I'll be admitted as a voluntary patient very soon.
I have been struggling a lot lately with hypomania. I have dx's of EUPD/PTSD & GAD and I also suffer from a restrictive eating disorder.

I have lost almost 10kg since beginning of May..partially due to the hypomania and being physically unable to stop (walking 15+ miles daily) and very limited calorie intake (between 2-400, rarely above and if it is, I self induce vomiting..gross, I know)

Please, please can anyone give any advice as to what I can expect as inpatient? I'm terrified! But I am equally aware that it's much better for me to go voluntarily as they will section me otherwise.

I have 2 kids at home. They need me! Luckily my husband is still working from home, but I've been a SAHM for the last 10 years..I've always been there!

IMHO it's better to go voluntarily if you can, it shows you're willing to work with them. I've been hospitalised several times, but I have psychosis/autism rather than EUPD/PTSD etc.

Different wards are different, but you should get information about meals/visiting/what you can take in/medication times/any psychoeducational groups or occupational therapy that are offered (COVID may affect these). I usually take snacks in with me, and a phone charger for my phone (as long as they're allowed). A couple of changes of clothes (wards usually have a laundry).

Do let me know if you've got any other qus!

@SnowyMouse, thank you for your reply.
My therapist said it would be better if I went voluntarily. She said they will section me if I don't.
Were you on a ward or did you have your own room?
Obviously covid means things are different atm, but what we're the rules regarding visitors and being able to leave the ward/hospital? How did you find the nurses? Did they make you do group work? Sorry for all the q's. I'm just so scared!!

@RealityCheck24601

I've been sectioned and gone voluntarily, I think I was allowed to keep more of my things when I was voluntary.
I had my own room in all 4 wards I've been in - you could always ask your team what your local ward is like?

Visiting rules were different on different wards, one was 4-9pm during the week, 10-9 at the weekend. Others were more open as long as it didn't interfere with meal times (sounds like this may affect youor other clinical things. Leaving the ward is via discussion, unless you're sectioned where it can be harder to get leave at first They may say you need to be accompanied by staff or your family, e.g. 15 minutes at a time in the hospital grounds to start with. But if you're engaging and they see you're sticking to the rules they'll increase your time out.

The nurses are usually fairly friendly, and you'll get one assigned to you for the duration, and each shift, and you can talk to them, they're not just there for meds.

They don't make you do group work, but you might be encouraged to go, it can break up the boredom.

Are you being admitted to an acute psych ward or an eating disorder unit? They are quite different I think although I have never been in an eating disorder unit.

I was in an awful place when I was admitted and I did find it overwhelming at first, but it was ok. I had my own room and bathroom . I did have a number of things taken off me on admission - phone charger, aerosol deodorant, plastic bags - which I hadn't realised would happen. I did feel a real loss of control at first but I got used to it . The other women on the ward were supportive which was something I hadn't expected necessarily.

The staff were very good although there was less therapeutic input than I had imagined there would be. They were also very busy so you had to be quite forward in asking for their time.

Obviously being unwell enough to need admission is a difficult place to be, but I had a positive experience in that I am so much better since my admission and I dont think that would have happened had I not been hospitalised.

@SnowyMouse, thank you..that's all really helpful!

@Rustnot, I'm not entirely sure. I have a list of questions to ask when my care coordinator phones tomorrow, what type unit is top of the list. I'm really hoping it's not an ED unit. From what they said today, it's for a 'break' and because I'm unable to have my regular sessions due to Covid restrictions. They figure it's the best thing for me at the moment. I really, really don't want to go though.
I won't be impressed if they take my phone charger off me! I understand why they have to but still.. Ugh, I wish I could just be well

Things are a little different to normal due to COVID. They may want to swab you on admission, and they may ask you to self isolate in your room until they have the results. (They may not, obviously things aren't the same everywhere). There will possibly also be an impact on visiting times. It's likely that the staff will be wearing masks.

Best of luck OP, I hope you are able to access the support you need.

@RealityCheck24601 I just wanted to say l think you are being really brave and strong by going in and getting this help.

I can totally understand the reluctance but it really is better to be a voluntary admission than sectioned.

I wasnt allowed my phone charger but I could hand my phone in at any time to be charged so it wasn't as if I had to go without it. Some of the rules did take some time to get used to but it was the best and safest place for me to be.

I hope your care coordinator can give you the answers to the questions you need and that you start to feel better soon

Saw my GP this morning..he's of the same opinion. Doesn't particularly want me to have to go, but agrees it might be the best thing at the moment.
I have literally begged them to give me a week to try and turn things around, this is my last chance otherwise I'm in.
Wish me luck!!

Good luck! Have you got goals scheduled for each day?

Good luck OP, you sound very brave to be accessing the help that you need.

Thank you both.
I have some diazepam now to help with the mania. I need to slow down to stop burning the few calories I'm consuming!
I have made a meal plan & been to the supermarket and bought my safe foods. It was really hard and that was only step one! Step two is to actually eat the food.

Today I've spoke to my care coordinator, my psychotherapist and my GP. I also have my original ED therapist waiting in the wings. They are all being amazingly supportive and I feel so lucky to have such a team behind me. I know many who struggle with mental health don't so I'm counting my blessings and I'm going to try my hardest to not let them down.

That's good to hear @RealityCheck24601 ! I'm glad you have a good team, mine is good too (3 calls a week since lockdown began). Do keep checking in if it helps

Hope you coping ?

@granadagirl, if I'm honest, I'm really stressed today.
I had a video chat with my old ED therapist earlier, and though it went well, i have a huge mountain to climb and it all seems very daunting and scary today. I think because I'm facing up to it again rather than just carrying on with it..which just isn't sustainable in the long run.
I just need to keep repeating what everyone keeps telling me..'one day at a time' ..🙂

Hope you're okay, Reality. I'm currently caring for my oldest friend who was sectioned during Covid. She is now home and she is quite manic at the moment but between her family and I, we are managing. We are waiting for the low now. Her meds are still new so hopefully these ones will suit her.

Going in voluntary, as others have mentioned is best, we tried to talk my friend into voluntary admission, but she fought us. It did end up with her being taken into police custody (who were brilliant with her)

We weren't allowed to visit but the staff were fantastic. They kept us informed and brought us in on MDT meetings. She is now on a s117 aftercare. CMHT are all online still, so we have some avoidance because she is in a heightened state of mania. Walking miles, like you, with her dog which does seem to calm her.

You're very brave. Incredibly so.

@BakedCam, thank you for your post. What a kind soul you are to look after your friend.
I wish you both all the best.

My care coordinator yesterday said if things don't improve by mid next week, they'll have to reassess and if I don't go voluntarily, she will have to section me. But she did stress emphatically that she really doesn't want to and has urged me to call either her or my psychotherapist at any point if I'm struggling, which I promised I will.

The ED treatment, despite being remote, is hugely anxiety provoking so I guess my biggest fear right now is being 'forced' to eat pushing me over the edge. It did last year and I ended up in hospital under a police section after running away, hiding in woodland and taking a massive overdose.

But, I wasn't fully dx at that point. I am now and currently stable on meds. I just need to ride this mania wave, come through the inevitable low, start eating again and generally stay well.

I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now @RealityCheck24601

I'm glad that your team are being supportive, and I hope you can seek help when you're struggling. That's a big goal you're setting yourself.

@RealityCheck24601

My friend doesn't have an ED. But she will relate to your fear of 'force" she is still angry and feels that we are 'all put to have her locked up again' which of course we are not.

We are trying to talk her into surrendering her licence - her driving does scare me for obvious reasons. She really needs to be on a medically issued one, once this period is over.

I can fully understand your rising anxiety surrounding forced eating. I see the mania rising in my friend. She is promiscuous and because she is very gregarious as a character, mem do fall quickly as she is very beguiling. Shoplifting is very high on her list along with buying vehicles.

Here is to hoping the high begins to fade away and you can get through the low. Please keep us updated. Im genuinely interested in how you are.

@SnowyMouse, thank you. It is but I need to try. I have so many people behind me, I can't bare the thought of letting them down. I've already had my 20 out patient sessions with the eating disorder unit last year and they're offering 5 boosters. I was 19/20 sessions in with my psychotherapist just before lockdown and she's been phoning weekly and is willing to continue for me to see her as long as needed once face to face appointments are allowed.
My care co is the 4th one I've had, and though I've not met her in person yet, she's the most supportive one I've had.
They've all been right behind me, I can't allow myself to let them down.

@BakedCam, thank you. I will update, I do find it helps to have an anonymous outlet.
WRT your friend, it must be hard to be on the outside and trying to help. I'm happily married so not promiscuous in the least, I am however spending uncontrollably on things we/I neither want or need. Especially and bizarre enough, food. Though I'm told that's 'normal' for ED sufferers.
They all speak to one another about what I'm saying to each of them, as of course they should, but sometimes it's good to just have a singular outlet, where nothing is spoken further. I really do appreciate you reading/replying more than you'd realise.

On reflection from today, I am most afraid of allowing my anxiety to take over and trying to take the 'easy' way out. I have spoken to my husband about my fears. He is holding my meds for now as I have a history of ODing when the going gets tough.
My next phone appointment is Tuesday so current biggest hurdle is getting through the weekend unscathed. Here's hoping!

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post, it's greatly appreciated.

Wow, that’s so good of your therapist to go over and above your sessions. You don’t get that very often on the nhs, although I know you have complex needs.
I think your brilliant keeping house, 2 kids shopping going with your illness.

I have GAD, and find that so hard everyday. It’s like one step forward two back, constant battle for me.
I’ve suffered over 30+ yrs on/off but since menopause it been mostly there, some good some heightened anxiety days.

Re the eating, when my anxiety is high that’s the first thing to go with me! I literally do not want food, doesn’t interest me one bit, yet I’m hungry put can’t eat until the anxiety comes down.
Anxiety is so powerful, you have to be so hard on yourself to not let it win and get a grip off you.

Anxiety isn’t Weakness,
Living with anxiety, turning
Up and doing stuff with anxiety, takes a
Strength most will
Never know.

Take care you can do this, don’t let it take hold and get a grip off you.

How are you doing? I've been thinking of you.

@SnowyMouse, thank you for taking the time to ask.
I'm on a high this weekend. It's a completely false high though, I have too much energy despite consuming less than 500 calories since Friday.

I've spent far too much money online too. Impulsive buys which will probably end up being returned. It's really getting out of hand now..🤦🏻‍♀️
I took a diazepam yesterday and my mind had slowed down so far that I struggled to think about anything. A stark contrast to today! I know that's what they're for, but I'm reluctant to stop.
I feel trapped. As much as I don't want to, I beginning to think a short stay in hospital might be then only way out of this.

Omg you must be literally so hungry, I know what I’m like when I can’t eat because of anxiety!

Is it a high or adrenaline?
As I get adrenaline when I’m anxious and want to run.

What’s stopping you from getting help from the hospital?

You really don’t know how lucky you are having the help you’ve got.
I’ve been really poorly and tried getting help back into mh secondary care only to be given basic entry level (cbt & counselling) despite being once in secondary care for 2 yrs
Please take what’s on offer, because once it’s gone it’s so hard to get it again

@granadagirl, believe me I know how fortunate I am.
I have been under the care of secondary MH for 3 years. But they failed me massively in the first 12 months for reasons I'd rather not go into, but it resulted in a complaint and an apology.

I don't feel hungry, I am being fuelled by adrenaline.

Re going into hospital, I have a massive fear of hospitals. Hospitals make my anxiety so much worse, even as a visitor. I'd rather try to stay out as long as I can.

I hope you're able to access the help you need, but please don't think I don't know how lucky I am. I do, I really do.