Lockdown Depression

[Parkmama]

I spent most of 2019 in a haze of anxiety and depression triggered by my husband's job loss. I took sertraline for 6 months, it took the edge off but the side effects were not welcome. I had some excellent therapy which helped me to wean off the sertraline and in January of this year I really started to feel so much better. Fast forward to June and it's creeping back . . . I think the lockdown has had an adverse effect on my recovery, home schooling, missing family and friends, working from home etc all felt manageable at first but as the weeks have gone on I've found myself starting to feel low, to lack motivation, to feel numb, to feel exhausted, to want to drink more, to find engaging with my loved ones such an effort and to feel like I'm faking it. Perhaps it would have happened anyway, perhaps I didn't stay on the meds for long enough. Who knows. Anyone else feel that this situation has had a reverse effect on their mental health? I have a zoom set up with my therapist but it's not the same, so many of her techniques are hands on!

I have slid into mental health difficulties for the first time in my life, during lockdown, and only quite recently - 12 weeks of this takes its toll. You are not alone.

Posted too soon. I meant to say that I don't know about meds. Perhaps you could ring your GP and ask for advice about that. It might make you feel better knowing that you have that support if needed. Good luck

Hi. I've just written a post about anxiety.

I've had wobbles for the last three years but I've always managed to get things done. But right now I feel like I've completely lost myself. I am terrified of routine coming back. How I will get us out the door and do the school runs again is terrifying. I always feel weak. I can't sleep properly. I am always waking up for no obvious reason. I feel sluggish, sickly and worried. Home schooling is so tricky as I have a toddler too. My partner works all week from home so can't help me much in the week with school work. Then I've got emotions about how suddenly my daughter was taken away from her first year at school. She was settling. Making friends. Going to birthdays. To just make her stay home for so long with no answers was ok for 6-8 weeks. But now I have got her home until September and I have no answers for September. I don't know when I can next let her go to the park and climb and explore. I've got a two year old who's missed out massively on his first real summer as a toddler. He's starting to talk. But lost all his relationships with his grandparents etc. He's never played alongside other toddlers. He's not had a chance to mix at all. It is all getting to me. My partner usually works 90 miles away. So the thought of him going back one day whilst I feel such a weak unreliable anxious mess is horrible.

I'm sending you lots of love. I really need to change my thought pattern but I mainly just want to cry. I'm so sick of this world and how shit life is for the foreseeable.

I'm back on sertraline after a good 6 months of really good mental health. Sliding deeper into anxiety and depression.

Someone posted on another thread that for once in our lives, those of us suffering from depression/stress/anxiety are in the majority and perfectly normal given the tough times. I've been on anti-ds for years (since a tragic bereavement) and I could not do without them and even with them I am not a happy bunny at the minute ... really struggling now. Friends help (or family if they are nice lol) ... we are nearly at the end of this so hang in there people and good luck to you all!

Me too, constantly worried and terrified about catching the virus even though I tell myself ( and family and friends tell me this too) it's virtually impossible since I have been in lockdown on my own from before the official start, have hardly been out, have had no-one in the house.
Have lost my appetite, no motivation, constantly washing my hands, , cleaning everthing, and have a knot in my stomach all the time for fear I somehow get the virus.
For instance, washed my hands this morning, then straightaway put my finger in my mouth to remove a bit of food stuck on my teeth. Now worrying I've put the virus in my mouth. Makes no sense and illogical and irrational, but my brain can't cope with that.
Never ever suffered from anxiety or anything like it before.
Meds for anxiety haven't helped and I couldn't bear the side effects of Sertraline, and am now almost off all meds, last week of weaning off.

@parkmama

Hi, I was just coming here to post about the same thing and happened across your thread here. Firstly I'm sorry that you're feeling this way after making so much progress.

I was coming here to see if anyone had any practical advice for getting motivated. I'm so low I can barely get out of bed. The house is a tip, meals are frozen food or ready meals, can't be bothered to shower let alone blow dry my hair. I've got a permanent headache.

I've not been on meds for over a year now despite being on and off them my entire adult life. I'm pregnant at the moment and my blood pressure is high and I just want to cry. All the time.

I need some strategies to get me out of this pit.

I meant Ive been off meds for over a year 🙄

I know exactly what you mean, I’ve just lost my job and I feel terrible. You’re not alone in this

Feeling very much the same! I was ok at the beginning but im in a deep depression now. Thinking of contacting the doctors as each day fills me with dread at the moment doing the same thing over and over.

Yes *waves hand same over this way.

Had a really hard couple of weeks and really had a meltdown and poor husband was very good about it and getting it all out seemed to help as the last week I haven’t felt nearly as desperate.

However I am also considering asking the GP for help.

I expect there will be a tidal wave of similar requests.

I can’t really offer anything other than empathy here.

I am the same I had a breakdown last year I was getting out of it and this happens I feel like in a whole and can't see a way out

Yes. You're not alone - though sorry to hear you're having a rubbish time. My mental health is fragile at the best of times due to ptsd. Everything re lockdown has me now severely depressed. Am already on anti depressants, think I need to increase my dose.

ps she says its unusual for lockdown Not to have a negative impact on mental health, esp if you have some history, in her experience of the last 3 months.

*GP says

How's everyone doing tonight?

Another one struggling here. Had previously been on citalopram, managed to come off, was doing really well, looking after myself, lost 3 stone, now in lockdown with 2.5 year old twins and working g for the nhs I feel really depressed and anxious. Feel like a volcano waiting to erupt! Sorry for everyone else struggling too, it's such a shitty time x

Such an unnatural time, a real shame for anyone that's had a setback following improved mental health. I feel weirdly anxious about lockdown relaxing, but would welcome schools returning as managing home schooling and a job simultaneously is definitely pushing me to the limit. I just have no motivation, feel irritated by everyone, keep eating crap and feel like the days are dragging on. Handhold to you all

Hi...
I have been suffering from chronic health anxiety since Christmas so the pandemic is my worst nightmare come true.
During the peak of deaths I could barely get through the day... Now I have kind of calmed down a little on the covid front but am back to my "normal" health concerns.
I am tired ALL THE TIME (!) I actually can't accept it's "mood related" even though that's what the Dr's said in Jan after multiple tests. Today I video phoned the Dr to ask if I should take more blood tests & he said no...my tiredness isn't sleepiness & I ran 40k last week for charity so he also thinks it's anxiety/ depression related

Lockdown has been difficult for me too. I have been working from home and doing work of home. It takes a mental health toll along with physical health. I recently started early morning exercises to feel better. Let's see how it works out to be. DO you people have any other option on it?

Hi all, first time posting but had to join in. I am really struggling at the moment. I had a breakdown 6 years ago. I have struggled intermittently since then but it all came crashing down 2 weeks ago. I am severely depressed, off work and DP/ family having to step in to look after my DD 2.8. I feel so helpless. I started counselling through my work (NHS) and she discharged me after one session to say I needed treatment for PTSD. Had to scramble around locally to look for someone quickly (at my own expense too). I feel very uncertain about my whole life now and devastated that these awful thoughts have crept back when I have a little person to also think about :(

Phew, felt a relief to write that all down. Sending love to all who are struggling x

I really feel you. I had a kind of breakdown at the beginning of the year & was not really ok when the lockdown started. I too have a DD 2.5!
Self care and going through the motions even when you don't feel like it!

Thanks Mimi. I don’t think I realised how ‘not ok’ I was, which has been difficult to deal with in itself. It’s so hard with little ones around. I hope you have some support x

You aren't alone. I have been really struggling. At the beginning of this year I was diagnosed with epilepsy and lost my driving licence for at least 12 months. That really knocked my self esteem as I felt like I lost my freedom and independence and then Coronavirus happened. I now feel even more trapped at home where all I seem to do is cook and clean up after everyone. Everyday is the same monotony and I feel like my life is pointless and all my talents and skills are just wasted. I used to have a meaningful job. In normal times I go to the gym which really helps - getting my heart rate up and listening to motivating music seems to work in normal times but this covid situation is worse. Normally anti depressants help but they really don't seem to work now. thanks for posting this thread - it helps to hear that others feel the same. thanks to everyone who has contributed.