Hello theoffice. My mother was an alcoholic, she was worse than no mother at all. On top of doing all the tasks mothers normally do, my sister, brother and I had to endure violence, bullying and emotional abuse from her. My father was so busy trying to deal with her on a day-to-day basis that he had nothing left for a long-term strategy or to help his children through it.
I understand that my mother had her own issues and difficulties, but help was not really available in those days, and this kind of environment was swept under the carpet by society. The result is that my siblings and I, in our 30s and 40s now, still have issues of insecurity, depression, resentment about what we missed, fear of bullies, etc. We tend to gravitate towards people with immense emotional needs and no understanding of ours. We all have children from broken relationships who have had their own crosses to bear. I had to have a year of therapy three times a week before I could change my life. I have had to work like a dog all my life because I had no education, I felt forced to leave home on my 16th birthday because I couldn't bear another day of being hit and ridiculed.
You may think you could never be like that, but if you are an alcoholic you certainly could be, 5, 10, or 20 years down the line. I am sure my mother couldn't remember most of her abuse. But I and my siblings sure do.
She is dead now, of course. Died on the floor of her bedroom after drinking a bottle of vodka substitute in one hour on her own. She had a terrible life, no happiness, terrible illness day by day.
I wish with all my heart she had done what you are doing and asked someone for help and guidance. I don't remember her fondly. When she died I felt sad that she had wasted her life but relieved that the rest of us could get on with ours. I would hate for that to happen to you.
Help is available these days. Society recognises and understands the problem of addiction. Go to your GP, go to AA, take every available avenue of help. I particularly favour psychotherapy as I believe this type of illness begins with our own sadnesses and difficulties.
Only if you do not see your GP or AA should you fear losing you family. Because you will, even if they never leave your house.
Have courage, do not be like my mother. Take your life back for yourself. Your family deserve a lovely mother and you deserve to be that mother.
Good luck...I will always be here for you if you want to CAT me...there is nothing a determined woman cannot do. xxx