I want to end my life, I am so tired of being miserable. I have suffered with depression since childhood - so please don't tell me it gets better because no, it really hasn't I think I'm just broken and can't be truly happy. I have two young children, who I don't feel able to take out, my partner doesn't really do much to help but does try, to be honest I've given up trying to ask for help. I don't know what to do, lockdown is never ending - again, you can't give me and end date so don't tell me it will end. My home is a mess, I'm the only one who tries to tidy it and it's a mess again within hours, I dont even have the motivation or energy to keep tidying it. My children haven't even had breakfast yet this morning because I cant make myself get up and get it. I am so sad that my chest physically hurts and I just dont want to feel like this anymore. You wouldn't let a dog suffer like this but because nobody can see anything physically wrong nobody cares. I am waiting for counselling - I have been waiting for 11 months and so far have nothing, I have a mental health nurse who can only do phone calls (for obvious reasons but they dont help). I dont know what to do.
I did have a plan, I had a way out but my partner got rid of it. I dont want to do anything to hurt my children, I do love them and dont want to hurt them, but having a depressed mum is no good for them either. I don't know what to do.