I want to end it all

[Mum901]

Sorry for the excessive posting (this is my 3rd post this week) buy I don't know what else to do...

I feel so sad and so low and I'm tired of feeling this way. I seriously believe that DD is better off without me. She deserves happiness and stability. I'm not stable and I'm deeply unhapp so how can I be of any use to her. I never feel happy. I don't recognise who I've become and I'm completely riddled with self hate. I feel that the way that I feel deep down within myself has manifested itself into my life, ultimately resulting in DD being removed my SS and me pushing people away and living a life of loneliness and isolation. I have no desire to continue on and we live in a high rise building and I just keep picturing myself jumping out of the window. I really don't wanna be here anymore, I hate my life

I'm so sorry you feel like this . Can you phone Samaritan's ? So you can chat with someone now. Your DD is not better off without you . She needs you .

I find this guy, Eckhart Tolle, really comforting. He has books you could read but try out a video right now and see what you think:

www.youtube.com/channel/UCj9fPezLH1HUh7mSo-tB1Mg

How old is your daughter.
You know she really really will not be better off without you.
She will spend her life wondering if it is something she has done.

Your daughter still needs you. I’m sure when she looks back, she will appreciate you doing your best to support her in whatever way you can (this may be daily support, thinking of her, cards, messages or being there for when she grows up - to answer questions). I’m sure it will make a lot of difference to her that she is loved by you.

Can you call your GP and get some antidepressants op? You can make things better. It's hard but it's not impossible.

@Mum901

Please call the Samaritans, OP.

It might seem that your DD doesn’t need you, but she absolutely does.

Ending your life will be the worst and most devastating thing for her. She will interpret that as you not loving her.

How old is your DD?

You deserve to be happy. It will take time but you can get there. Your life is as precious, and as important as anyone else’s.

She will be worse off without you. Don't kid yourself. Being burdened with your loss would ruin her whole life.

You must call Samaritans now and talk this through. You need love and understanding and support right now. You will get through this. Your life is precious. Think of the people whose lives are being taken from them at the moment. Treasure yours. All this rubbish you're going through can be sorted out fairly easily. Your view at the moment has been distorted by lack of love and warmth around you. Call Samaritans and they will help.

We are our children's worlds, your DD is not better off without you.
Please call/ email samaritans OP

Hugs

@Mum901 you expressed yourself really clearly and I'm so sorry you feel that way. Please just know that DD needs you, there is help and you CAN find your way back to a positive place. Things always seem bleakest in the middle of the night. For your DD's sake, please don't give up x

Your DD most certainly is better off with you in her life than without. However you feel about yourself I'm sure she loves you and wants you there for her. Please contact Samaritans or your GP - there is help for you. Hugs

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Hi thanks for all of your comments. I ended up just crying myself to sleep. I've already phoned Samaritan s twice this week & while it is nice to offloy onto someone, I don't always find it helpful as they mainly just listen ..
I do feel abit better today, I had a long video call with DD and it really enforced the fact that ending my life is not and option and she does need me, just seeing her little face and how much we miss eachother....
It's taken me a while to come to the realisation that I do need alot of help and I'm ready to get all the help that I need particularly for DD's sake, I can't go on feeling so down & miserable about life

That's such good news @Mum901 I've been thinking of you today. Just be kind to yourself tonight, you must feel very drained. Then start small with things that might make you feel better, with a view to building up. Do it in your own time and know that you are more than worth it and your DD loves you and needs you. Hugs to you xx sod it whether hugs are mumsnetty or not

Glad your feeling better . Things can only get better . Thinking of you .

So pleased to read an update from you today. I read your post in the middle of the night and was very concerned. You can always come back here when you need a chat. Good to hear you spoke with your DD. She does need you. Take care.

Amazing step OP. I am on medication and therapy, and even then, on bad days I think they will be better off without me. Although I know they won’t.
So on bad days I just keep reminding myself that tomorrow will be better and it always is!
Just a little step at a time, think about the next 5 minutes, then the next and the next. We can all manage 5 minutes, just slow steps.
Hugs.

Mum901 PLEASE PLEASE hang on in there!! You won't always feel as low as you are feeling! I promise you there is NO ONE your daughter needs more than you! ❤️ you are her world!! And she will turn into a young lady one day who will be a great friend too! Nobody can replace you, remember that always ❤️ Please please keep talking to people and remember you are not your feelings. I totally understand how you feel I've been there...but please believe things will one day be better and in the meantime realise how special you are, how loved you are and how needed you are xx Practically I know evenings are the worst... I can recommend trying to find a really good book, watching films or a series, meditation apps, YouTube surfing - I like fail army because it's funny! Art? Or an adult colouring book? Also I ALWAYS have the radio on in the background...it reminds me I'm not alone. Sending you a virtual hug xxx

Mum901,

We're really pleased to hear you spoke to your DD today and that it has helped. Small steps but please seek any and all help and support you can online and in real life.

We very much hope things look brighter for you really soon.
and [cake} too!

I’m happy for you op and glad you saw your daughter and decided that she does most definitely need you. I Am in a bad place mentally at this moment and reading your post has helped ground me. I hope you don’t mind. Knowing that others are going through hell, yet are coming out on the other side is wonderful! So many of us are suffering but we are not alone. Thank you op, you have saved me tonight from desperate thoughts ❤️

Great news OP - please keep reminding yourself that your daughter loves you and needs you. All the best to you and the others on here who are struggling. Everyone is important and please don't think otherwise.

@Blurpblorp Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and for the hugs too, much appreciated xx

@Peppafrig Thankyou XX

@Mumdiva99 Thanks very much XX

@Jellycatfox thanks for your comment, I'll take your advice on board about slow steps!X

@Troubledmummy3 that la for your comment and virtual hugs, I've taken everything that you said on board!X

@MichaelMumsnet @FlissMumsnet thanks for your messages, I am actively seeking the help that I need in RL!X

@eaglejulesk Thankyou very much xx

@Goodmum1234 Hi I'm so pleased that reading my post helped you!! It makese very glad to have posted it and expressed myself. I hope you're feeling about brighter than you were?! If you ever want to talk, please feel free to PM me. Sending love your way xx

I was really relieved for both you and your DD to see your update @Mum901. You are precious and irreplaceable, especially to your daughter. She would not be better off without you.

@BreatheSleepRinceAndRepeat Thanks so much!!X

@Mum901 how are you doing? xx