Would children be removed?

[user1000000000000000001]

If I'm a lone parent and have self harmed would my children be removed?

Argh I don't want to do this. I can ask them to remove me from the cmht service can't I?

You can, but it depends on how far through the process you are and what they already know. If there are any concerns and you now appearing to be refusing to engage with treatment then it can increase risk of SS intervention.

Believe me, I totally get how scared you are. Honestly - been there, had the SS involvement (no action), know the utter helplessness of feeling like you desperately need the support but are terrified of the implications it'll have on your family, your medical records, peoples' opinion of you etc etc. But my urgent admission into the specialist MH services was 6 months ago and in retrospect, as horribly hard as it was at the time, I'm SO pleased that I did carry on engaging. I wished so very hard that I'd never been referred into the MH team but it's such a good thing that I was. Don't really want to say more here but please do PM me if you'd like.

I think in your shoes I'd sit on the letter without signing it and be very open about your concerns when you next speak to someone. Make it clear that you're asking valid, rational and informed questions about your data/consent etc and that you don't want anything heavy-handed or that feels like an overreaction since you feel safe, just unwell. And that you're seeking the appropriate support for you.

1 in 10 people have self harmed. That's a lot of mothers!

Suddenly disengaging will prompt more concern: what has happened, is she ok? The best thing is to communicate honestly. You are far from the only mum to feel this way. I'm a MH nurse and I have worked with many mothers with MH problems. To remove a child there needs to be cogent reason and evidence that the child is at risk. Your CMHT will always seek to keep families together.

You deserve treatment and support. It sounds like you are seeking help in a difficult and dark time to be the best parent you can be. In my book that makes you a bloody fantastic mum.

Yes but the school already don't think I cope. When they find this out it's just going to make it worse.

I'm on the up after earlier this week anyway. I'm no risk or incapable of looking after them

I self harmed and social services were never informed. However, why do school think you aren’t coping? Do you need additional support? Glad you are starting to feel better.

And as possible said, suddenly disengaging with services is actually more likely to trigger greater involvement from a variety of services.

**PP not possible, sorry

I will carry on engaging with family outreach. I trust her and she's in daily contact anyway. Plus DD is in school still so school see her daily. I just don't need the CMHT. I don't need more people.

I totally understand your fear, but you MUST get help. If social workers become involved they will want to work with you to ensure your children stay with their mother

Hi OP,
I just firstly wanted to say a massive WELL DONE for talking to your GP and accepting help and for sharing your feelings on here. It takes a really strong, brave person to do that. Although you never, ever feel strong at the time- the absolute opposite.

SS, despite their reputation are actually there to support families and children, not find excuses to tear them apart. Removing children is a really serious step, especially at the moment- and they would never do it lightly. Their aim, if they get involved, which they may well not, is to keep you and your babies as safe and supported at possible.

The fact that you have asked for help and are putting your children's wellbeing above your own fears speaks volumes about you as a mother and they will see that. You are a good Mum and the best one your children have ever had . Regardless of how you're doubting that at the moment.

It's completely up to you, but it might be worth holding off on cancelling CAHMS until you've seen what you think. The information sharing is so that you don't have to keep repeating yourself and your situation and so that everyone can support you and your family as smoothly as possible. Hopefully if nothing else, the increase in dosage will help too.

So many people are struggling at the moment. You are doing an amazing job and you have nothing to feel any shame over. Your kids are lucky enough to have a Mum who is brave enough to ask for a hand when she needs one. So many aren't x

Thank you. I'm just wasting everyone's time. There's so many other people in greater need and I'm not a risk to myself or the kids. Their needs are met. I just need to ride it out and not open a box of worms.

I thought that too OP, but it isn't a competition, you are as important as others.

Please don't worry about the meeting, it isn't a bad omen. I last self harmed in November, but after sorting medication and counselling, services stepped away.

You haven't done anything wrong. You aren't a bad person.

Schools act all grisly, but if they know that you are seeking help they can become suddenly human. They cannot do anything in isolation anyway.

You matter too, OP. And you are worth helping .

School did a social care referral before I went to the GP and I told the social worker I was fine so she closed. As soon as school find out it proves them right and that I wasn't truthful with the social worker. I haven't told our outreach worker that I've SH-ed twice in a week she just thinks I'm just low, so when she finds out then it's probably going to change her perspective of me too. I don't want any of it.

Oh I don't know. I just want to disappear and give up. I don't want the questions or the fuss. I'm so frustrated with myself. I just need to snap out of it

You do actually have a right to choose who you feel comfortable opening up to. Just because x asked the question, doesn't mean x is someone who you feel comfortable opening up to. You get to choose. You matter.

The school can piss off. If they can't offer help and only want to criticise they can trot on. My youngest DC school was fantastic once they knew, my eldests school were a nightmare. But thats the thing, no one party gets to sway everyone.

You have done the right thing. Now you get what help you can and remember that saying "i don't feel comfortable discussing that with x" is an ok thing to say.

I promise you that I have disclosed self-harm to my MH team over the last fortnight and they have repeatedly said that as long as I do it "safely" they have no safeguarding concerns. My therapist even said I shouldn't worry too much about trying to stop at the moment while life's so stressful!!

It's shit that the school put in a referral, I know someone else that this happened to and it's so unhelpful. But if they've already referred about your MH and it was closed immediately then the same thing will happen even if they did refer again, as long as you can show that you are working with the professionals to get help. It feels awful because the last thing you want to do in the circumstances is to be open and honest but it truly is the best way forwards.

I really do remember that feeling at the start of the MH's involvement where you panic about what the hell you've done, wish you'd never agreed to it and want more than anything to turn back time and undo it but you've been so brave in asking for help you just have to stick with the scary unknown bit a little longer and then you'll have some proper support.

However, I have just had a thought - if you're referred into the CMHT because you're unwell, then the school isn't a professional involved in your care. I'm not at all sure that they'd be included in a professional discussion, surely that would just be GP and this outreach person?

That is true if it is an adult referral for your MH. schools are not relevant. I had both at the same time, so it all gets muddled. But the schools were not at the adult safeguarding meetings.

I would say no. It takes a lot for DC to be removed. Dsis was beating her kids due to MH issues and SS still tried to help her first. If you need help ask for it.

Thank you, both of you, honestly.

The school in working closely with as DD has SEN mostly due to developmental trauma and she's having issues at school. I know part of the reason I have spiralled is because the reality of what I have done to her has hit home since she started school. It feels like the only way to make myself feel better is to make her better and I can't. School know I can't cope with both at home on my own. They are literally emailing every day, including weekends, checking on us.

I really wish I had never said anything. I can put a front on it but every part of me wants to do something awful.

Its OK, our primary school is phoning every day and we no longer have any involvement. They are phoning everyone. I don't even speak to my own family as often as I speak to them. If I don't answer they turn up. So I answer.

Has she been diagnosed yet? Do you get any help? Why are you blaming yourself so harshly?

You know, I had my breakdown and first SS involvement when my Ex raped me and I got pregnant. The school told SS that he was a better parent than a highly traumatized me. I said that yes, for a rapist he was a 5 out of 10. Others will always seek to criticise, but the truth is that you meant no harm.

It has taken the kids 5 years to recover from life with their dad. My daughter self harmed too. But we are ok now. We are good enough. You are good enough.

They turned up on me last week because after DD being up until 6am, we all overslept so didn't turn up. None of the other parents are getting so much contact from our school. I feel like they are literally checking we are still alive all the time.

Very near final diagnosis after years of to-ing and fro-ing on ASD or not but in reality she is a highly traumatised kid with multiple delays. I hate myself for it because I'm an adult and I should have walked away. She was a baby and I should have defended her. He raped me too. He tried to kill me more than once. He shook the youngest. I should have walked away and DD would have been ok. It took DS being shook for me to walk away.

Hi, I’m a social worker in a CMHT. Didn’t want to read and run.
I’m really glad you spoke to your GP, please go to your mental health assessment, they want to help you not judge you. The confidentiality form is more about sharing information with your GP and with the assessing team. It’s rare for mental health workers to share anything with a school and they would always speak to you first and probably encourage you to tell the school. Mental health services don’t automatically refer to children’s services either, only if there’s a risk to your child and again they would always talk to you. Self harm isn’t automatically a risk to children so this wouldn’t be reason but if you couldn’t look after your children because you were self harming in front of them or neglecting them whilst you did it, it would.

Please go to your assessment, it’ll be with someone wanting help! I

Oh OP, that isn't how domestic violence works at all.

Have you ever heard of the freedom programme?

You stay out of fear and confusion and guilt and shame. I know that the general public view on this topic is very much...you should have walked away...

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, except where at the time you were so traumatized and trapped that you couldn't tell up from down. So you freeze like a rabbit in the headlights, until something so bad happens that you act to survive.

You don't deserve to be carrying around that shame. That shame belongs to him. You were a victim of abuse.

You know, even though he raped me, he was in our lives for years. He would apologise, threaten suicide, then be nice and I would be so confused.

It took him injecting them with insulin when he was hypoglycaemic, so I had 3 people all in hypo at once, for me to do something. SS got involved and my poor kids had to speak out and say they didn't want him in our house.

Even then, he was so good at manipulating me, it took SS putting them on child protection and me on pre-care proceedings, before it finally got through to me on any meaningful level.

He was ultimately assessed as high risk by both SS and a psychiatrist, so I was able to finally NC him. I also got another non molestation order due to continuous attempts to manipulate me. I am immune to him now. Finally.

You were not you when you were trapped in that hell. What matters is that you found that strength, you got out, and you adore your daughter whoever she is right now.

I'm not saying don't mourn what could have been, I'm saying, lay that shame at the right door.

People keep telling me not to blame myself but I can't stop. I don't know how I'm ever meant to live with myself. I hear when people say that it was him not me but I was an adult. I knew better. I have been fighting for 3 years since we split to live with it but I don't know how to live with that and now it's obvious what it's done to DD. I hate myself.

I am so lucky he has no direct or indirect contact with any of us but I hear his voice every day. I feel him. I see it happening over and over again. I see him laughing at me and I see his face when he would pin me down.

I can't cope with it. I don't want CMHT involvement because it's that much of a mess and I can't talk about it. I can't explain it. I don't want people I have to see everyday know how weak I am.

I can't anymore.