Any psychologists/Psychotherapists here? - My anxiety has actually improved.

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I can't seem to fathom it but my anxiety has actually improved (generalized anxiety) and I am trying to make sense of things.

Obviously I care and I am concerned about the plight the country is currently facing but I no longer feel the need to take all of my medication (antidepressants and beta blockers). I also suspect I am peri-menopausal and trying to get some improved treatment for that, so I can balance my hormones but this seems to be an ongoing process as the gp has chucked anxiety/anti-d med in my direction.

Basically, I don't really miss people. They cause me anxiety. I have a couple of friends who I see every couple of weeks but really, I don't actually miss them at the moment but sort of need them when I am on my own with little dc. I think because I don't feel connected to them, though they are really lovely people whom I can share about 80% of my thoughts with. I did have a friend who was much older than me. She was like a mother figure, my own mother is an ignoring narcissist whom I have little to do with, my father emotionally and physically abusive - virtually no contact with either of them for years. My mother doesn't seem to care about our relationship and I think I wanted this older friend to feel a hole, someone I could glean advice from and it worked well for a while - we would communicate most days about a shared interest amongst other things and then well, she lessened this and I miss this interaction and feel annoyed and upset that it is no longer readily available.

Whilst, I am troubled by the virus and the devastating effects it is having, I am actually enjoying being locked away with my immediate family. I am sahm (3 dcs of varying ages) and I love living in this bubble, everything feels so much more relaxed - until I have to brave the supermarket. I feel disappointed that I have reached mid-forties and haven't forged better connections outside of the family. I think one of the reasons I like being cocooned is because day to day, I feel isolated anyway and it has put me on more of a level playing field with everyone else. I envy the way people have the confidence to hold down jobs and I envy the way some people have developed friendships at the school gates and I envy the way my neighbour dotes on her grandchildren when my dc have none. I have realised I do a lot of envying in life and a lot of watching and at the moment I'm not faced with all of this. And I am not faced with being judged and my failures validated.

I have a couple of hobbies - one is pretty insular but I have joined a small group pertaining to this and love meeting up. We chat about all sorts of things but don't meet often. The other hobby - I could join a group when pre-schooler starts pre-school but it is the sort of thing where you don't have to interact very much but where you are presented with background company.

I would love to have an assessment to see if I am experiencing a condition of some description but the nhs don't seem to provide this. I last saw a psychiatrist in my late teens who didn't seem to be able to help much. Sometimes I crave company but often I feel that I can become exhausted by it. If someone keeps firing off their opinions or seems ultra confident or keeps talking I find myself shrivelling.

I'm planning to do some voluntary work when smallest dc starts pre-school to get me out of the house but tbh. I am also thinking it is going to be unfulfilling, without my dcs I just feel like I am filling in time.
Apart from this awful virus going away, I am not looking forward to things returning to 'normal'. I know the fact that I am pretty much in peri-menopause is aggravating the situation and that I would benefit form psychotherapy but there seems to be a lot of psychotherapists in my area and I am afraid of chucking hundreds of pounds away on the wrong one/treatment.

It is just a relief to get all of this out of my head. If anyone can make any sense of it, I would appreciate your views please.

Sorry for the epic post, I guess I have a lot going on in my head at the moment!

I wonder if there is an element of anxiety reducing because we don't have to feel anxious about being anxious, since everyone is anxious! I also get what you mean about other people making you more anxious, so in some ways it's easier for us to be isolated.

Yes chocolate. I suppose it is like a shared anxiety instead of me feeling anxious alone. I actually feel less alone, less distanced from life which doesn't quite make sense. Yes, now I have a reason to be anxious, I am not just an anxious person. I need to get my hormones balanced, I have lost motivation to make change. I have been sahm for a number of years and if I don't make change then no-one will make it for me. I just feel kind of lost, like I'm watching everyone else getting on with their lives and I'm in some kind of bubble. Mid-life, mortgage practically paid off, sufficient pension, no massive driver to work (and even if I found a job, I would want it to fit around dcs as 2 of them are quite young). We aren't wealthy as such, just comfortable and don't have lavish cars/holidays/clothes. Don't feel like I want to 'put' up with things/working conditions etc. but at the same time would benefit from some company and doing something constructive. I have had both jobs and voluntary positions which haven't given me a sense of satisfaction. My last job was about the best but the nature of that job has changed greatly and would likely be less satisfying.

Humans are social animals, keeping us separated for months on end is actual cruelty.

Someone posted this on another thread. They are right of course. One of my biggest fears is of being alone (probably stemming back to the fact that I spent most of my childhood emotionally alone). It shouldn't cause so much anxiety, should it (I experienced social phobia about 25 years ago). I have a good education but feel like I haven't achieved my full potential whatever that is. I envy people who feel useful because of their job roles. I did in my last job but as I said that has changed. Then there are others who don't feel defined by their job roles. Gah. It would probably be useful to chat all this over with a therapist, it's just finding a good one.

And then there is the aspect of lack of extended family. People my age are caring for elderly relatives but I don't have this aspect.

Feeling misplaced. I don't like change.

I have found similar - my anxiety was building over this a bit anyway, but now we are sort of in the eye of the storm and plus I am pretty sure I’ve now had it myself anyway (horrific, whatever it was). The build up was worse in a way, and I feel better since the strict rules came in about staying in.

But I’ve not self harmed for a few weeks, I am not fixated on a whole load of other issues that I was dealing with from past and present, life has slowed down and I’ve had to just focus on the practical stuff like making sure we don’t waste food etc

I’m getting anxious again now as the virus (or whatever it was, obviously I was not tested) has really wiped me out and that’s a worry - I already have CFS/ME and don’t want to go back to my bad phase again! And I’m annoyed about not having the energy to do things that benefit my mental health like drawing. But generally I am finding myself a lot less anxious at the moment, and not in desperate need of my next (moving to online of course) therapy session yet.

LaneBoy, I'm glad you are feeling better from the virus, I suspect it will take some time to build up energy again.
It is strange regarding the anxiety thing isn't it. I think part of it is because life has slowed down and in my case I have stopped berating myself so much for not being good enough, now most of us are sort of on an equal footing. When this thing first broke out, people were saying what am I going to do, if I cant work or I can't do x, or I can't see x and an envious part of myself thought...welcome to my world.

Really good point about life slowing down

I'm a psychotherapist, quite a few of my clients are expressing a decrease in general and social anxiety at the moment. There's few triggering situations to navigate. Also as most people are anxious about Coronavirus its normalising, rather than feeling different/less than others. There will probably be a spike in anxiety once we get back to some sort of normal as we won't have been exposed to situations outside of the home for a while.

Yes Harriet, I was thinking that - I was thinking that once things return to 'normal' my anxiety will escalate. I don't know how to use this knowledge to help me in the future. I guess I do feel 'different' to many of my peers. Everyone, seems to be busy with their lives full and you have to make 'appointments' to see people even friends. I need to add more to my life next year, but I need to add the right kind of stuff whatever that is. It hurts me and makes me feel bitter when I see people with parents who are supportive and who they can just call upon/talk to whereas I don't and I suppose I'm not exposed to this so much at the moment. I am not exposed to the loneliness of being left at the school gate - everyone flying off to work, the gym wherever else they seem to be going whilst I just return home or prepare to attend a toddler group where I don't always click with people. I want to feel comfortable being on my own but I know I will struggle if I don't factor in some sort of social interaction. Anxiety is a nightmare, in my case it goes hand in hand with low confidence/esteem. I am worried about committing myself too much job wise because I want to be around for the children and then there are all the holidays to factor in (and part-time jobs like T.A's/college admin are like gold dust.) That's one of the reasons I gave up work - having 3 dc, no extended family and having to juggle the Summer hols in particular (I was never on a spectacular wage). I'm at a crossroads now and whilst presented with certain choices, it just seems to induce more panic.

I wish I was happier in my own skin, so to speak and didn't berate/have so much negative self speak. I actually find it quite liberating, the equalising effect this forced downtime is having.

It was in the guardian this morning, you are not unusual in your response

Totally get this; I feel the same

I feel the same. I have generalised anxiety disorder and have recently been through a really low period of depression but for the first time in a long time I feel very little anxiety or depression. Aside from the obvious reasons that this virus is awful I’m actually loving the lockdown. I think I could probably live like this if it wasn’t for the DC needing social lives, schooling and activities/holidays!

Advice, I could have written your post. I'm not sure what this says. I feel like the school system makes my middle dc jump through hoops (they have challenging behaviour), I am sick of the teacher pulling me to one side every other week. The stress of the school run. The academia expected of a 6 year old. There are parents who drop their children off and almost skip out of the school gate. I feel lost most of the time, like I'm expected to work out what I'm supposed to do next and haven't much of a clue (have a slight clue for some of the time, so that's better than nothing). It feels as if everyone else has sussed out what they are supposed to be doing with their lives/happy and content in their routine and I've got to completely redesign mine shortly because I have been the happiest with my children around me (obviously with a bit of down time). I'm going to suffer when I'm older and potentially live alone, I suppose I've done that wrong too - entwined myself in my childrens lives. I sometimes wish, I could have a complete change of scene but I guess I would be just as lost there too.

My youngest also has challenging behaviour. A diagnosis of adhd, asd traits and sensory processing issues but the school was about to re-refer to camhs for a full asd assessment before all this. I have realised during all of this quite how socially recluse I am myself without my children’s socialising and activities and do also worry about how my life revolves around and is intertwined with my DC’s. I love it for now but what about when they grow up? I’ve always been at my happiest just in our little bubble the 3 of us but I try to socialise and keep up with the world but to be honest aside from school being closed and doing the learning at home, not being able to go out as much and things being closed our routine really hasn’t changed all that much, I just feel like life’s pressures have been lifted and I don’t know how else to put it. I have a small amount of friends who I really like as people but can only spend a small amount of time socialising with as I need allot of down time and to me that includes my children. I don’t feel stressed having them around all the time at all (except when they argue but they’re boys 3 years apart so are bound to argue at times!) but speaking to my friends on the phone is more than enough for me. I feel sad that my eldest misses his friends and can’t have them over but they know it’s not forever (to my dismay!) I have no family to care for or worry about so like you we are in a little bubble and I’m loving it! My youngest is so much less anxious too! He still has his quirks with the additional needs but he’s allot more calmed and peaceful compared to usual and it’s lovely! Walks are amazing, I wish it was that quiet out all of the time!

And some of the people who don't usually contact me, have actually now taken the time to do so - probably because they have got 'time' on their hands. I don't feel a part of society really, a part of anything really, except to my immediate family. Sadly, I believe a lot of people have become materialistic and their seems to be a real thirst for possessions etc. I'm not talking about just having to make ends meet. Someone once said to me that you either sink or swim in this life and unfortunately, I feel like this is true. Then there are all these posts about keeping only positive people in your life, people who 'add' something...this isn't great for individuals who tend toward depression/negative thinking and maybe could do with being surrounded by a bit of positivity.

Is there a bit about anxiety being essentially expecting the worse and now the worse has happened people have realised the can cope?

Anxiety is often about feeling unable to cope, or that a situation or problem is too big and their ability to cope with said situation is too small.
I think some people will be feeling perspective relief, that their problem has minimised due to the extent of the current crisis and also because the whole world is worried about coronavirus that they feel "normal"

I think one of the reasons I like being cocooned is because day to day, I feel isolated anyway and it has put me on more of a level playing field with everyone else

I can definitely relate to this.

I work four days a week so I see people a lot. I (think) i'm relatively personable and I find it easy on a superficial level to chat to people and get on well with them. But I don't really make any long-term friendships.

Everyone I know my age (early thirties) seems to have a friendship group and talks about nights or weekends away with 'the girls' and I've never had that. Mainly because I think I don't want it and so don't put the effort into advancing relationships - but I have a constant low-level unease about how 'friendless' I am and that, other than family, there's no one I could pick the phone up to and chat to. No way I could ever have a baby-shower or party because i'd have no one to invite!

Now everyone's in the same boat and no ones having meet ups with the girls - and it's a very freeing feeling that i'm actually just the same as everyone else right now.

@midgebabe which part of the guardian was it in?

I also find a certain calm in being told what to do and having limited choices to navigate. Some people find it stressful to not be in control, but I find it strangely relaxing to not have to make so many decisions.

@Arcadia www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/28/lockdown-living-europe-activities-coronavirus-isolation

I find it strangely relaxing to not have to make so many decisions.

Yes, so do I.

I have bipolar, and my mental health has never been better!

I feel cosy, like when you're a child and decisions are your parents responsibility rather than yours. I feel safer when I go out as well.