Contemplating suicide due to financial impact of CV

[imabusybee]

Not sure how to name change but what the hell. I run my own business. The last 18 months have been very tricky but I managed to figure things out in jan and feb this year so the business would sort itself out in a few month's. And then this virus happened. The business is now closed for however long it will be until the government guidance changes. My staff have their wages covered (80% at least) and I've applied for a business interruption loan but I dont fancy our chances due to the bad 18 months prior. I can't see how I can keep everything ticking over - the standing orders/direct debits amount to £2k/month alone.
I have a life insurance policy worth £200k, the suicide exclusion is only for the first 12 months so from the 23rd of this month they will pay out if I take my own life. I have another joint policy with my husband that may also pay out £150k, but I can't remember exactly and what the terms are.
This money would pay all the business debts (which are in mine and my husband's personal names) and most if not all of the mortgage. I dont want to leave my children but this way they would be set up for life and my husband wouldn't have to worry about the bills or the mortgage.

I have chronic severe depression. I'm on 150 sertraline, on waiting list for IPT, most days I manage, some days I don't. I really see this as a way out and a choice I can make to improve the lives of my family.

OP please please phone your doctor tomorrow morning and speak to him/ her. If you can’t put it into words maybe read them what you wrote to us. Please get help and please know that you are important x

Try to stop panicking, take a deep breath and see what you have instead of what you don't. You can do this. Our business may not survive this virus - we have 8 staff whose livelihoods depend on us. It's terrifying. But we can only do our best. Everyone is in the same boat here.

I read somewhere that daughters of women who commit suicide are 40?% more likely to commit suicide themselves.
Trust me, your children would much rather have you than any amount of money.

• can’t remember the exact statistics.

OP please make a call, please call the samaritans now. You are loved by your family and friends and they need you, please don’t leave them in this way. There is a way through this

Hi there fellow human,

Please will you ring samaritans before you make up your mind?

Samaritans
Call 116 123
[email protected]

I lost my partner to suicide a month ago due to his mental health (also on sertraline) and money worries. There wasn't anything about his situation that wasn't fixable, and by killing himself he has left me and his friends with the most terrible burden to carry for the rest of our lives. I wouldn't wish losing somebody to suicide on my worst enemy. Please don't leave your husbands and children to deal with that.

Xxx

Please, please don’t. As pp said, suicide is a very permanent ‘solution’ to a temporary problem. I’d rather go bankrupt 100 times over than lose my mum and I’m an adult. Talk to anyone you can do irl, call the Samaritans, go to a&e or call 111, keep posting on here - anything other than what you’re considering. You are loved, you matter and you are worth so much more than any insurance money.

Money comes and money goes. However awful things are financially they can’t get blood out of a stone, and everything can be bought/rebuilt again. Your children will never have another mother, and they need and want you.

Please please don’t do this. My husband took his own life almost 3 years ago. My children will never get over it, I will never get it over.

Please ask for help from someone, anyone.

Op, I am so sorry you feel like this. Please please don't kill yourself. Your kids love you and no amount of money could ever replace you.

It sounds like you have such a weight on your shoulder op.
But remember your children and husband would rather have you, yes financially they may be better off. But nothing, nothing would make them happy or whole if you were to do it.
You are important, you matter! Please remember that.

My bff took her own life 10 years ago, she left behind a 5 year old dd, I always thought how could she leave her behind but then after my first dd I got postnatal depression and I understood. I got help and got better then I had my 2nd ds 3 months ago and the feelings I had of they'd be better off without me flooded back in, I went straight to the doctors and was put on 100mg sertraline. Its started to get better but myself and dh have our own business which has been seriously affected by the Coronavirus, we have 40+ staff who we are fighting to keep and it's a constant worry. I just wanted to say you are not alone and please keep fighting we will come out the other side of this stronger

Dear op, your kids would rather have their mum then a pile of cash. They will be devastated as you would be if someone you love did the same. Put yourself in their position and how life would be if you did this. Speak to your family, friend or Samaritans. Sending love to you at this hard time x

Please, please don’t OP. Those children love and need their Mum.

OP
Please don’t
You have no idea if these insurances would pay out.Many times insurances find little loopholes to wriggle out of paying.
And then for what.
Your family would be devastated and no money.
But mainly devastated,and this will never leave them.

PLEASE speak to your husband. I can assure you right now you are so much mroe valuable than any amount of money to your husband and children. My best friends father in law killed himself for a similar reason, hoping his life insurnace would pay off the debts. His wife and two children have had mental health problems as a result for years. His wife is filled with horrific guilt that he killed himself to try resolve their financial problems. His children are jjst depressed at him having done this and losing their dad as teenagers. No one has ever got over it.

Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem. YOU matter.

Oh my love, you are very much wanted and needed. No amount of money will take your place. Please, please, ring your gp, samaritans, speak to someone.
Also on a practical note, I too contemplated this awhile back, and found out our life insurance would not pay out. It would ruin your family and friends for ever, and nothing would come out of such a sad situation. If your business goes under, then so be it. File for bankruptcy, spk to your banks and debtors see if things can be put on hold in this extraordinary situation.

Wow. Thank you for all your kind words. I wasn't really expecting much of a response tbh. Today is my little boys second birthday so I wouldn't do anything today anyway, but I am feeling slightly more level headed from reading your responses.
I dont really want to put any additional strain on the nhs by speaking to my doctor though, I'm not even sure how I would go about it as I know my surgery has changed things due to CV.
I also know my home situation isnt helping - my husband is working from home and under loads of pressure and stressed basically 6am-5pm each day, leaving me to keep a (newly) 2 year old and 3 year old entertained all day. I'm exhausted.

Suicide doesn't end your pain. It simply transfers it to those who you love (and who love you) the most.

Please don't do it.

1. Going bankrupt isn’t a big deal, loads of people bounce back from it. Honestly, it’s really not worth being this upset over. I know some who went bankrupt ten years ago, he’s a multimillionaire now, again.
2. The amount of insurance you may get (insurers are being particularly tight at the moment for obvious reasons) wouldn’t set anyone up for life.
3. What about your business insurance? Do you have some?

Your children need you.

Children who don't need to work for anything and don't have parents to guide them often end up doing very dangerous and foolish things. Add in a parent's suicide and you have the perfect recipe for addictions, possibly even their own suicide.

You have achieved so much already, you're such a good role model for your children now, please don't take that away from them.

Very sad thread. We’re all going through hardship one way or another. Financially and in practical terms. But we will get through this. As a country. And I’m sure it will change us all for the better in the long run.
The economy will get better in time, life will return to normal. Just wait a few months.
Talk to your husband, your children, the DWP, there are thousands of people in your position right now.
Things always seem much worse than they really are. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. You will not always feel like this, I promise.

Your family would rather lose the business than lose you.

Honestly, to your children you are the most important person on the planet and nothing, not even a load of money, will ever make up for the loss they will suffer if you take your life. They will never be loved in the way you love them, so yes I'm really sorry your business may fail but your family love you and things will get better. I know, I've been there.

Call your gp surgery tomorrow, google your out of hours crisis team for your area and tell someone who can help you how you are feeling.

There are thousands, if not millions, of people in financial difficulty due to the coronavirus. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU GO BUST. You will come back from this and there will be state help for your business but if you die now your family, your employees, your customers, your friends and your children will never fully recover.

No please don’t think this is the right decision. The first comment sums it up perfectly.

I’m so sad reading your post - you seem to be trying to rationalise your life away, and by default any thoughts like this must be irrational. Don’t hate me for saying that. Please share your worries and get help.

It’s corny but have faith. Who knows what’s round the corner and even if everything material goes to pot it doesn’t mean there’s nothing worth being alive for; the sky was still lovely today.

Please just go to your GP and show them your post.

Your children need you more than absolutely anything else.

You are needed.

You can get through this. Please for the sake of your children speak to your GP and get the help and support you need to get through this. Wishing you all the best OP x