Poor mental health, I’m frightened.

[Buzzfrightyears]

I have posted this here for traffic.
Following my second child’s birth last year I started obsessing that I was dying. It got so bad I went to the GP and she diagnosed health anxiety. August 19-Feb 20 I had cognitive behavioural therapy for health anxiety and generalised anxiety disorder.
few weeks after this stopped the Coronavirus pandemic started. My nerves are shot. I am obsessing about hand washing and door handles and panicking about food and my mother who is diabetic and my children. I work in the nhs and am barely functioning at work. I have to send my children to school/nursery which isn’t sitting right with me. I am snapping and shouting at everyone. I keep randomly crying, I am obsessed with the news and I am basically in a mess. My husband and mother both noticed so I called the GP yesterday who prescribed fluoxetine. I have them. But I’m scared to take them. I read they can sometimes cause suicidal thoughts and self harm ideas. I’m terrified. My GP didn’t spend long in the phone with me and I would’ve asked about this if I’d known. I am genuinely so down, so fragile so please be kind in your replies. I honestly feel I’m cracking up and a useless mom to my two children. I’m loathe to go off work because as I mentioned I’m nhs! I can’t exactly stay off during this chaos! there are too many thoughts in my head and I’ve nowhere for them to go

You are not a bad person.

This will not last forever.

Repeat over.

I meant you should start avoiding the news. It won’t help.

Trust me on the fact you have to break the compulsion to google. Try to remember the thoughts are only thoughts and they don’t mean anything I know it is hard and I’ve struggled with it for years and years. You can do it.

Another thing I’ve found with my ocd is that unless my head is going to explode I cope much better when I’m not talking about It. Talking about it gives the intrusive thoughts more life and gives the compulsions more meaning than they’re actually worth.

Fluoxitine can take several weeks to actually show any results, sorry to be the bearer of more bad news OP, I know you feel at the point where you need help right now. As for the suicidal thoughts side effects, it is rare, and you know to watch out for it and can stop taking them if it happens. It's not going to make you loose complete control of your senses, so even if the worst happens and you start feeling these suicidal thoughts, that doesn't mean for a second that you'd actually act on them, it sounds to me like you have a strong will to live so I honestly don't think you're in danger from suicide.
I wish I could help you in some way, I have some pretty serious mental health issues myself so the pandemic is making me feel 1000x worse, although in my case it's not the virus I'm afraid of, so I absolutely know how hard this is for some of us. All I can do is offer a virtual hand hold and tell you that things will get better. Hang in there, the Fluoxitine will improve your mood eventually and if you have to take time off in the meantime then do so, who cares what other people think, as long as you and your family are OK

Oh OP I'm so sorry your going through this. I had health anxiety after having my 3rd. It was an awful time. Didnt think I would ever get past it. But I did.
It must be even worse with all what's going on around us.
Definitly start your tablets and could you maybe have times in the day were you could meditate or just have some time to switch off (probably easier said than done).
Try and stop going on social media or reading all these different posts. They will not be helping. And always just talk, no matter how silly you think you sound.