I am at a very low ebb tonight. I lost my lovely daughter nearly a year ago. It was tragic and sudden and despite counselling, I will never come to terms with what has happened to her and my family. My daughter took her own life completely of the blue, and I was her Mum. I feel so responsible. She was 15.
To all intents and purposes I am coping as well as could be imagined. This is mainly due to the antidepressants I am taking which deaden me. But tonight I have had enough of everything, the pain, the trying to be ok, the brave face. Everyone is in bed and I’m thinking about how I wish I had the strength to end it. I hate this life and I cannot wait to be reunited with my girl.
I have a younger son. He has kept me alive these last few months. But lately he is struggling with what has happened and I can’t be the Mum he needs. I have no energy left. I have had enough.
I don’t know what I am asking for. A hand hold maybe. I just need to get through tonight. Tomorrow is another (shit) day.