To feel so suicidal and not know where to turn

[Feelingsolost1]

Hi, not sure where to post this, need the best advice possible.
I'm married to a man who makes me so unhappy, I resent him.
He is a bully (I think?) I have lost all my confidence and self worth I don't even know if what I'm thinking is true!
I have serious mental health issues and he does nothing to help, he financially abuses me, makes me feel absolutely worthless, I do nearly everything for our children because he is so selfish, he will make himself lunch and not sort anything for the kids, he will wash a few bits HE needs but won't put any the family washing on at the same time, he expects me to pay him back for every single thing he buys - including things at like £1! He earns a wage, i have a few pounds left in my bank account and I lay awake worrying last night because I know he won't help and I'm stuck with nothing.
I feel like I walk around on eggshells most days, but for some reason seem to think I owe him something!
How do I get out of this? With no money, no savings? We don't own a home so can't get anything from that, I don't have any friends and don't have a good relationship with my mum. Where do I go? I can't make my kids leave schools with friends they know and they are so happy and settled..
I'm so down I feel so suicidal and just don't know where to turn anymore.
Any advice from traffic is more appreciated than you know. Thanks

You can also email or text the Samaritans because it’s hard to actually pick up the phone when you’re feeling so low, that option might help.

Do you work OP, where does your money come from?

What if he tries to take the kids from me? Or poisons them against me? My biggest fear.

I'm recieveing disability benefits just now @aintnothinbutagstring

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're moving this over to our mental health topic now.

Do you have any friends for support OP?

@user764329056, not really, I have one mum at the school I chat with, but no close friends I can trust or rely on, no.

Abusive men threaten all kinds of things to frighten you into staying. Doesn't mean they have the power to carry those threats out, even if you're used to believing everything he says.

If Women's Aid help get you into a refuge they can help sort out benefits and getting you set up someone longer term. They can provide emotional and practical support.

Often feeling suicidal comes from feeling trapped in a hopeless situation - there are ways to escape his abuse and to have support to heal from it. Will take a bit of time to feel healed but you can get there if you're ready to leave him.

The Freedom Programme can help you unravel what he's done to you and learn to trust your own mind again.

Although you may not want to do so, the police can help too. The abuse he's inflicted on you is a crime. You can report him before or after leaving on 101. If you ever feel threatened or in danger you can call them on 999.

Thanks @user163578742. Just feel so confused, he seems to be walking round with his head down, feeling sorry for himself, its like he's either a playing a game where he makes me feel bad and don't go.. Or he is truly sad about the mess the marriage is in.. And my brain can't decide which one it is!!