All i sodding want is a family and i cant even do that right....

[nightowl]

yes i am feeling pretty crap. its not much to ask is it at nearly 30?

every relationship ive ever had has fallen to bits and sometimes i just dont understand what i do to make it like this. my mother is an alcoholic, my real dad doesnt give a shit, my stepdad hates me for reasons unknown.

i dont have many friends. now this is ok, because over the years ive got rid of the people dragging me down. i have two good friends, which i think is better than tons of "going out friends".

i just dont understand why im so hard to love, and why everyone seems to crap on me from a great height.

im not a bad person, i try...i try my best. i love, adore my kids, im a loyal friend, i go out to work, i have a decent home. when im not feeling this shite i am a good laugh. i am a good person, but everyone seems determined to put me down...and the harder i try, the more they do it.

my kids have gone to my aunts tonight and i looked around my house and realised that the silence is killing me! without my kids im nothing. i have no fun, nothing to look forward to and its been like this for over 8 years. i work, i clean, i look after the kids. there's nothing else. everything i touch turns to crap no matter what i do.

i dont want for much, just a normal family would be nice...and im always alone in one way or another. i dont live, i just exist.

most of the time i can deal with that, and carry on as normal but for some reason tonight i feel bloody awful. ive been pretending im ok for a long time, and im really not.

im so embarrassed posting this

Nightowl: Ok of to bed with you (this is what I do with my DS) Now do you want me to sing the Night Garden theme?

The niiiight is black
And the stars are bright
And the se is dark and deeeeeep... oooooooH

what IS the night garden?

dd mentions maccapacca?

refresh yes, jpd

Ok, ok I'm going not least because I don't know what ds is , thought you had a dd or do you have both, or am i just knackered now?

nightowl, just realised my schoolboy error.

ThNight Garden is a programme on Cbeebies which is bascally what ou migh expect to hapen if th makers of the Tellytubbies went away for 10 ears and took lots of drugs ALLEGEDY I'M NOT SAYING THEY DID.. Etc.It's a rather lovely trippy kids prgramme which nds up with ll the little goblins going to sleep.

lol!

bedtime for me anyway.

thanks guys for the advice with my rambling, i would have been very pissed by now if not for mn...

tomorrow will be a better day.

night!!

oh i thought it was drugs that MADE me imagine tellytubbies?

joke, joke...i hate the tellytubbies

g'night people.

"You work, you clean and you look after the kids."
Not that very long ago that would have summed up most of the women in Britain, and been entirely normal.

I think it's hard when your children are out, especially if you don't often get the chance. Easy to put tremendous pressure on oneself to do something meaningful with this time, when actually "just existing" would be fine.