Hand hold

[Ilovealfieandannierose]

I feel very suicidal tonight and very alone. I am so tired.

Try and get some sleep tomorrow is a new day. I hope you okay

Thank you. I wish I could just switch off. Press reset or something.

I kniw it sounds trivial but i fond playing mindless games on the phone helps me to switch off when things get too much xx

Hi Ilovealfieandannierose,

We're so sorry you're feeling this way and are glad to see you've already had some kind words from other users.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We really hope things look brighter for you soon. Hold on.
MNHQ

Thank you for replying.
I feel very desperate.

Ilovealfieandannierose - please ring the Samaritans - they have dug me out of a hole twice in the last few months. They will not judge you or try to make you do/not do anything. They are there as a fellow human being who understands and cares. Please do ring them: 116123.

I am willing you on and hoping that you are able to weather this storm - I know what a bad place it is to be in - and how impossible it is to imagine it will pass - but it will.

I send you positive thoughts and love. x

Thank you very much. And I am sorry that you know this darkness too.

I feel so damaged and broken. And that my babies would be better off without me.

I would call the Samaritans but I don't think I could speak.

The Samaritans are amazing 116 123
Do call them
Take things a moment at a time, these feelings will pass, just breathe, know that you've got this, you can get through this

You can also email them if speaking is too hard
Or text the crisis text line Shout on 85258 and you will be connected with a crisis volunteer
I've been there, I understand, talking definitely helps

@Ilovealfieandannierose , I'm pretty sure you can email the Samaritans if that's easier? Xx

Hi

How old are your children?
What are their favourite things to do?

Your kids would NOT be better off without you. NEVER! There’s something telling you this - it’s trying to trick you.

Are you getting sleepy yet?

I’m sure the Samaritans are used to people just crying down the phone at them, they’ll probably talk enough for you both & only require the odd hmmm/yes/no type thing

Thank you so much. I think I will write them an email.

I have had a lot of 'help' from mental health services. Twenty years of every drug and therapy and countless sectioning.

I have lost all hope that anything will help me. I know people will think pull yourself together and all that, I have tried so hard.

It's my babies' birthday and I am not with them and it hurts more than I can say.

Anyone who says you need to pull yourself together has absolutely no understanding on mental health conditions x

OP, there are 2 apps that my psychiatrist recommended me when I was very low. One is called CalmHarm & the other is distrACT.

Try & get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day.

My four kids are all primary school age. They are incredible. Bright, funny, kind, fiesty and all so full of character. I am so proud of them.

They deserve more than me. I am a bad person. I have darkness inside me.

You are proud of them @Ilovealfieandannierose ! Be proud to be their mum! Hang on to that. You can do this

Is there anything that helps? Even something daft?

Keep talking X

If I can fall asleep then I know rationally it will feel a little easier in the morning. And I will go to work and be distracted.

But right now it's consuming and my head is full of a relentless voice telling me I am worthless and better off dead. And I can't quieten her.

Are you on your own? Could you ask someone to come and keep you company?

You are in no way better of dead please never believe. One day you will have better, have hope & faith. You can do this xx

Yeah I am on my own. Don't really have anyone I could ask right now.

I am going to try and sleep.

Thank you for talking to me x

I'm so tired I'm so sorry that didn't make sense

I hope you get a good night's sleep
and wake up rested and more positive.

You are in no way better off dead please never believe that . One day you will feel better some have hope & faith. You can do this, good night 🤍 xx

Good night OP, tomorrow is a new day x