Health anxiety

[Annelena]

Hi , first time I been on mumsnet I have a 17 yr old girl and a 2 yr old girl I’ve suffered with anxiety for almost 4 year and currently having a massive panic attack which began yesterday tea time when I started choking on my tea , I got the food up myself but then was convinced some was still in my throat that sent me into a massive meltdown , I had all the usual symptoms heart racing sweating. Tingling , it lasted all night I eventually went to sleep and when I woke up this morning it started all over again! I’ve not eaten all day because I’m paranoid I’m going to choke ! I’m on amitryptoline tablets and I’ve had cbt therapy my health anxiety started off by convincing myself I had a brain tumour ! The I moved on to the choking issue and at the same time I’ve convinced myself I have mnd ! I feel so alone , my husband tries to understand but I know he finds it difficult it would be nice to speak to someone who is going through the same , thanks xx

Another really bad day for me , tried eating something other than soup sent me into another massive panic attack now I'm certain I can feel something in my throat ! I know I can't and it's just the anxiety! Can't ever see a way out of this I'm so fed up

Op please be kind to yourself . Health anxiety takes a while to heal - I'm a work in progress myself!

Just had goodish news about a family member's health; having been really stressed about it. Felt better for day or two. Went for dental appointment yesterday; dentist diagnosed "x" but now I'm thinking what if he misdiagnosed and it's life threatening "y" or "z"? It drives me mad. Haven't felt like this for a bit! I trust my dentist but what if I gave wrong answers and so misdiagnosed?!?! It just goes round and round!

sorry to hear that @AnnelenaAnnelena, you will see a way out. I did and I really thought i was beyond hope. It is just the anxiety, you know it is but your thoughts are catastrophising things at the moment. I truly have been where you are, symptoms and everything. Over time, my belief my symptoms were real has lessened and after that, so have the symptoms.

Be kind to yourself.

Tale care

Sorry you have had a bad day mine similar I know how you feel so sending a hug ❤️

Thank you everyone I just feel so low today and I feel so guilty everybody pussy foots around me and I don't want it all to be about me , I just want to be normal , happy, and content , my 3 yr old eats better than me and I can't even eat scrambled eggs without thinking I'm dying! I'm sick of it I'm exhausted, I am seeing a hypnotherapist I've had 1 session out of 4 I'm hoping this will help me , I hope you are all ok

Good luck with the hypnotherapy!

@Annelena I hear you. I know it is hard to understand and easy for me to say but it is the pressure you are putting on yourself to not be as you are at this moment which is causing the most suffering. At the moment you are experiencing symptoms of stress. Nothing that is going to harm you (I promise, even though the symptoms are truly awful). What is causing you the most suffering are the thoughts you are having about these symptoms and the meanings you are attaching to these thoughts.

At the moment you believe that you should be happy, normal and content and therefore you are resisting what is. This resistance is what is causing the suffering. It took me so long to hear this and then believe this, but when I did, it was like I gave in to it all and accepted my symptoms for what they were. I still hated them and had a lot of thinking about them but I stopped trying to fix myself. Slowly (in fits and starts) it all started to drop away and I am where I am now.

One of my worst symptoms was insomnia. I did not sleep for 72 hours (at all even with sleeping tablets - I was too wired) at one point and I thought I was going to die. I beat myself up that I could not do the one thing that would help me and that I was unfit to be a mother to my children. The insomnia was because I had underlying, unresolved stress and it was a distraction technique of my body to make me slow down. However it was the anxiety and resistance to the insomnia that created the real torture.

I am fine now and sleep normally. When I get stressed, I have symptoms. They go.

Much love and sorry if this makes no sense. I know and have been in the torment you are in now.

Rachel

x

Thank you it's so nice I can come on here and there is people that understand rather than just think I'm losing my mind , it started around 4 year ago when I was on my own with my aunt when she died of a brain tumour in a really horrible death , I then got pregnant and 15 days before my baby was born my mum died , she had had cancer for 5 years and not told anybody we only found out a week before she died , I have so many unanswered questions and hurt over the last years that's what my doc thinks has triggered this , my hypnotherapist thinks it too and I need to let go of the things in my sub conscious mind , I don't no if the hypnotherapy will work but I'm at a point where I don't care how much it costs I will try anything , I've also referred myself back for cbt but obviously very long waiting lists on them x

@Annelena no wonder you are suffering. Please believe me when I say that you are not broken. Your body is just trying to process the stress you have been under and because it is all difficult stuff, it is distracting you with a red herring (health anxiety). I am not sure whether you can afford it but talking therapy (counselling) would be good to let out all your repressed feelings regarding those events. Not to analyse them, just to process them. I am not a counsellor but I mentor now I have recovered.

Take heart. You are embarking on your recovery journey. Sharing those details is part of that.

Lots of love
X

Thank you , the hypnotherapist thinks what's happened is a big part of it and when I was telling her my story I just said casually oh yeah I lost my mum too and moved on to another subject , she quickly picked up up on the fact I was avoiding that conversation and delved deeper into it , I wasn't expecting miracles in my first session as she told me I would need 4 so I'm hoping I can process some things in the next 3 sessions and start to be me again , I feel so messed up and I feel like other people can cope so why can't I ? X

Yes that could be a good outlet. Just keep showing up. You are not messed up, you are just feeling your thinking and having a human experience. You are judging your symptoms again (‘why can everyone else cope?’) and there is no need. For one, people either process their emotions or repress them (most repress), the repression will come out at some point, either physically or mentally. You really are on the verge of recovery as you are feeling this. I really have been there. Not exactly the same circumstances of course but lots to deal with that I repressed.

You need to be kind to yourself. I bet you are a people pleaser.... (I was).

Always here x

Yep I'm definitely a people pleaser and I work in management too so it's not always good to try to please everyone . Today has been a better day I did have a moment of panic when I ate scrambled egg and thought it got stuck , I calmed myself down eventually before the panic attack got too bad and I took myself out of the situation and took the kids to the woods for a walk which had a big park and lake for a couple of hours , I felt loads better , the kids loved it and I got a time out from my mind ! Xx

Well done @Annelena. That sounds really positive. One of the things I learned while I was healing was that I had a lot of repressed anger at being a people pleaser and saying yes/doing things because of my thoughts of pleasing other people and being ‘nice’ rather than doing things because they fitted with my wants and needs. It was this repressed anger conflicting with my need to be nice that caused my symptoms. With the counselling I was able to see this and started to recover.

Well done for reaching a positive outcome yesterday. That was so good all round.

Can I suggest you use yesterday to remind you that you don’t always fall apart and think about your swallowing/other symptoms. You do have the capacity to have a ‘normal’ time even if it is for a short time.

This is proof that it is not the symptoms causing your anxiety, just your thoughts about them. Your feelings and symptoms will ebb and flow even very slightly. Take this as evidence that your state can and will change.

Take care x

I'm having such a bad day, been panicking for around 3 hours now because I think I can feel something in my throat ! Now my throat feels funny is that the anxiety? Have I swallowed too much? Or is there something stuck? I'm so fed up! I've now got all the other symptoms too, the headache heart racing , I'm trying not to phone the doctors I think they get fed up of me ! Will I ever be ok xx

It could absolutely be the anxiety. I often find anxiety affects my throat, heart rate and breathing. Are you able to get out for a walk? I often find the fresh air and distraction helps

I'm at work but on my lunch I went walking as it usually does help me , I'm feeling calmer now thank you xx

There’s a really helpful book Overcoming Health Anxiety

I've got that book , thanks , xx

Here comes the 2nd large panic attack of the day , I've had about 2 hours respite from it today I'm such a mess why can't I calm down!! 😢😢

Your body is trying to release Adrenalin. That is all. You are fine really. Even though you think you are not. All your thoughts about the lump in your throat and the what ifs are creating your ‘fight or flight’ response. This leads to a surge in cortisol and adrenaline which needs to be released. At the moment this is coming out as panic. It cannot harm you.

Yes it feels rubbish (I promise you I have been there and resisted it all) but it will pass. You are not broken. Your body is just suffering from chronic stress. Fully reversible.

X

I can recommend loads of books if you like?

That would be great thanks x

Ok they take a different approach to traditional self help books. They put ALL anxieties and depression under one umbrella and look at our innate mental health.

To understand the cortisol thing, a good start is At Last a Life by Paul David. Quite short and an easy read

He has another book which I prefer but doesn’t go so much into the chemical adrenaline explanation called At Last a Life and Beyond

These two books were the start of my recovery journey. He also has a website and blog.

In his second book, he talks about a man called Sydney Banks who discovered the three principles of the human experience (mind, consciousness and thought). Basically that our experience comes from the inside out - what we think about a situation changes affects our experience.

I read loads of books about this way of returning to mental health (no techniques, cult, just an understanding). When I was bad with health anxiety, Amy Johnson’s ‘Little Book of Big Change’ was really helpful.

Also loads of free videos and podcasts.

Have a look. It works for EVERY manifestation of stress, anxiety and depression.

X

Thank you I will have a look , I'm still reading overcoming health anxiety at the minute . I've been back to my doctor today who has given me more tablets that should help calm me down , yesterday was awful , today has been better . Thank you xx

Glad you had a better day. Any time. 😘