Feel so upset by something just happened put me in a really dark place

[potterface29]

So. I have been having mental health difficulties for the past four months. Out on my morning drive. In a car park complex, I didn't see someone waiting to cross at the zebra and they got so angry they shouted and took a photo of my car.

I understand he was upset as in his eyes, I almost hit him and apparently his daughter, but I honestly didn't see him at all.

I now feel horrible, guilty sad upset. I make so many mistakes and don't need to be made to feel like poo from complete stranger. I said I was sorry and I didn't see him, but he called me disgusting. So upset maybe life isn't worth it anymore, I fight battles in my head constantly, I fight my brain to not listen to the suicidal thoughts, but I think they might win now.

it sounds like you’re having a rough time. Samaritans 116 123 are there to help if you need someone to talk to now.

You made a mistake. It happens. Move on and ensure you look properly at all crossings in future. Both you and the chap crossing have had a shock.
Do you have someone to talk to? Have you considered counselling?
Please see your GP if you are feeling suicidal and call the Samaritans.

I went on this forum for support. :( Has no one ever not seen someone at a crossing before? I have to drive as it's the only way my daughter naps is if I drive her. It was a zebra crossing in a car park and lots of cars around which is why I failed to see him I think.

Unshriven I don't think that's particularly helpful. Maybe get off the mental health boards and head over to AIBU.

OP don't sweat it, you both had a shock. It was an accident, they happen, and fortunately no one got hurt. Do you have people to talk to about how low you're feeling?

I almost hit someone at a zebra crossing recently due to the awful blind spot in my zafira. I don't have any mental health issues, and was being careful, so it does happen

Nothing will happen. Try to move on.
We are supposed to note if someone is waiting to cross and stop, but if they have not actually moved onto the crossing then you dont actually HAVE to. Were they on the road at the time or just waiting to cross?

I must say, ive seen a lot of zebra crossings round here that are so worn out that its hard to actually see them now, and ive also seen many people chatting at the side of roads with no intention to cross, that its an easy mistake to make

On the occasion that I (along with my 2yo and my 3mo) were almost wiped out on a zebra crossing I went absolutely nuts at the driver. I understand that she didn’t mean to almost kill us, but it was very close, she wasn’t paying attention, and coming a little faster than she should have been in an unfamiliar (to her) car park. Had she actually hit me children, in all honesty, I probably would have attacked her. I’m not a naturally violent person, but the whole moment was caught up in fear, rage, and adrenaline. And I had nightmares for weeks (I’ve gone cold just recalling it). I don’t think I would have had much consideration for her state or her needs in that moment because I was too consumed by my own trauma. I think you need to accept that you are very lucky that you didn’t cause an accident, and that his reaction is mostly to do with fear. Move on and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

was*

The feeling will subside, the emotion will fade. Your underlying mental health difficulties will improve and you will feel more robust. Normal, everyday mistakes and conflict really resonate when you aren't feeling great to begin with. Accept that it's a normal, although undesirable event, it's your vulnerable emotional state that has heightened your response. You might have a few unpleasant days, but concentrate on breathing and writing down positive affirmations about the situation.

You are human. You apologised. You are vulnerable. You will feel better.

Thank you for all the comments. I just think when you own up to your mistakes, people shouldn't swear and have a go at you, because it doesn't make it better. He has no idea what is going on in my life or how much of a struggle it is, and his words have seriously damaged me, I now feel anxious, upset, almost had a panic attack over it. He made me feel so small. I already beat myself up when I make a mistakes I don't need him giving me an earful. I understand emotions run high when children are involved but he was very irate, I don't think adrenaline should excuse someone's actions and how they treat other people.

. It was a zebra crossing in a car park and lots of cars around which is why I failed to see him I think.

Oh those ones are awful aren't they! I get what you mean OP, others will have made this mistake too!

Like a PP says you'd be able to deal with it better if you were feeling more robust but you're not. Please don't beat yourself up about it, try not to dwell on this man's outburst. I know that can be easier said than done. No harm was done so try not to worry or take it to heart.

To be fair, you don't know what is going on in his life either, and he was the 'victim' here. Much as you can't control your mental health, nor can anyone else. Perhaps consider how awful the shock must have been for him to react that way?

Very pragmatic and helpful response I think from ChipsyChopsy

You made a mistake, we all do it. Try and forgive yourself and also accept that sometimes we all make mistakes. Just as you have the right to beat yourself up over this, he also had the right to get angry and shout. That was his stuff, you have yours. No one else can make us feel small, we can only allow what they say to put us in that space. Or, you can look at it like he is clearly dealing with some anger right now and he has to live with that, and let what he said go.

I promise it will pass, and am so sorry you are going through this. Please look after you. x

Hi there OP. Sorry to hear about this. Sounds like a frightening experience for everyone involved.

It looks like you're getting lots of support here but we thought we'd just pop by with a link to our Mental Health webguide which might have some numbers you've not thought of calling before that may be of help if you want to talk to someone anonymously.

Hope you're feeling a bit better now anyway.

Hello OP
You might want to consider whether you are fit to drive given your mental health conditions? I suffer from a mental health condition and gave up driving because I was no longer a safe driver. No one HAS to drive. It isn’t a convenience not a need.
I understand what happened deeply upset you and made you feel terrible. But you seem to be a little dismissive of the people you almost hit. They just had a near death experience so their reaction was completely justified.
This was a close call. Please think hard about whether you should really be on the road driving in your condition. It is better to give up driving before causing an accident.

Firstly,do not beat yourself up.Secondly,drive very slowly in car parks.Thirdly,maybe start doing a running commentary when driving.See your GP.

Here is the Mind fact sheet on mental health and fitness to drive. You should tell your doctor what happened.

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/fitness-to-drive/#.XhCjp8qnyhA

Thank you.

I was not dismissive at all of the people I almost hit, in fact I was shaken and almost had a panic attack over it.

I didn't see him, he wasn't there, that's why it was more of a shock to me. I'm still not sure if he was actually crossing the junction or just waiting to cross. I was going about 10mph

Anxiety and depression shouldn't stop me driving though? In fact if anything helps my mental health, I can't take public transport as I am a germophobe and have a young daughter so if I didn't have my car I would probably stay indoors and not go out.

So if one person made a mistake whilst driving would you guys suggest to others to pack it in? Not fair to pin stuff always on my mental health. I'm sick to death of it controlling my life.

Thank you for the kind words from some people, but some people saying I need to reconsider driving or saying I'm dismissive of peoples feelings is completely out of line and makes me feel way worse. I'm always worried of hurting people, that's why I have anxiety in the first place. Anxious people are normally overly sensitive.

Maybe seek support in real life. Posting on mumsnet is going to give varied responses as you have seen.

Oh dear, there are very few among us who have not nearly had a very bad accident and it would have been our fault.

The chap was entitled to be angry at you as it would have been your responsibility as with any of us ... that is a normal reaction from him.

It is also normal to be completely mortified about what nearly happened and dwell on it ... prob a good thing as will help you concentrate on the road and not your own issues.

There's lots of advice, but no one has said, "Is it worth having an eye test?" Presumably if you are on medication it is ok to drive while taking it?

Good luck and try and move forward, from this every day shock.

I just think when you own up to your mistakes, people shouldn't swear and have a go at you, because it doesn't make it better. He has no idea what is going on in my life or how much of a struggle it is, and his words have seriously damaged me, I now feel anxious, upset, almost had a panic attack over it. He made me feel so small I'm sure he reacted through emotion and wasn't in control of his own feelings at the time as he'd had a shock. Most people who lash out verbally through shock/fear/anger or whatever are not in a rational place at that moment to think about the impact their words are having. They are just reacting. Try to think of it in that way and imagine yourself when you've been reactive. Are you always rational and thoughtful of the impact of your words at a time of heightened
emotion? I think most of us aren't. Best thing is to try to forget it completely. Push it out of your head with other thoughts as much as possible as dwelling on it will just make you spiral.

Cars have blind spots, and people make mistakes.
Be gentle with yourself x