Minor/major accomplishments

[Newyearnewme2020]

Restarting the thread from earlier this year where we share our accomplishments which may be minor to others but for us mean a bit more.

It might be a good time with the new year coming and push us to try and achieve something small each day.

Im coming through postnatal depression and am finding myself unmotivated a lot but this morning I have washed, dried and straightened my hair (something which I haven't done for over a week ) and I'm just about to put a bit of make up on. My dp won't recognise me when he gets home

Please share any accomplishments no matter how small.

@sugarplumfairy28 it looks really detailed. I do cross stitch which im guessing is much easier.

@Rowanberries it's great that your work have acknowledged what has happened and are trying to help you. It's brilliant that you can return on your own terms and try to ease yourself back in.

@PurpleFrames I'm glad yesterday was a much better day for you. Do you have any plans for the weekend?

I am very anxious at the minute . It's my birthday tomorrow and I've agreed to a family meal this evening, in a restaurant I like close to home. I hate having a fuss and usually avoid this kind of thing but it's a significant birthday. Well dp told me this morning that we need to be ready an hour earlier than expected because he needs to go and sign something and wants me and the two kids to come with him, then go straight from there to the meal.
I asked if he would go on his own and he said no, he wants us to go with him. Now I'm worried that he might have changed the venue for the meal to a nicer restaurant further away from home. I asked and he said there's no change but now I'm just anxious in case he has a surprise planned . I really hope he doesn't and were just going to the restaurant close to home, I'll spend the day worrying now. He's supportive of my PND and treatment for it but I think he just doesn't see how serious the anxiety side of it is and how it affects me.
Sorry for the long rant, no one else IRL knows about the PND so I have no one else to tell how I'm feeling.

There was an interesting item on Radio 4 this week about how Gratitude and Random Acts of Kindness can override the brain's wiring ... it was very interesting and maybe worth a listen?

I have tried to find the link and title of prog, could have been "All in the Mind".

Newyearnewme, that is the sort of thing that would stress me out as well so I can sympathise. Is there a particular thing that you are worried about when going somewhere different?

For me anxiety is a symptom of needing control- if I can visualise where we are going and what we are doing I feel in control. I now recognise that this is because other elements of my life are very much out of my control and I'm trying to compensate for that by controlling stuff that I don't really need to. I'm having to make a really conscious effort to ask myself if a situation I'm getting anxious about is something I actually do need to control. That process is almost as exhausting as the anxiety itself- but not quite because once I do it I've knocked a little edge of the anxiety and it is a tiny bit easier next time.

Hepsibar- that sounds really interesting. I'll see if I can find it.

@rowanberries
It probably is about control, ie I thought I knew what the plan was and could organise everything, I'm really not good with the unknown and change. And you're right it's probably something I don't need to worry about, it doesn't really matter where we eat out, whether it's close to home or far away, I just wish I knew.

I'm so bad at change I get annoyed when dh comes shopping and doesn't walk the way I usually do round the supermarket .

You aren't losing control- you are delegating to your dp. (Ok I know that probably doesnt help because if you are anything like me you are sitting there muttering "but I want to be in control" like I do when the therapist tells me I have to change my mindset about things I shouldn't have to control. But she points out trying to control everything isn't actually making me happy and she's got an annoying habit of being right which I hate because I'm always right and she points out where I'm wrong )

Anyway, hope you have a lovely time tonight and happy birthday for tomorrow.

I have done my mile and am charity shopping some old clothes today. My hatred of change also means I'm a massive hoarder so not keeping everything "just in case" is also something I need to practice.

@Rowanberries
Sending positive vibes for that- it is really promising that like you say you have a separate piece of work so don't feel pressure to do everything on the first day. I made that mistake on my return to work and it was a disaster.

@Newyearnewme2020
I have to do some travelling which is thankfully all being done by car due to my support network (I'm not allowed to drive due to mh). However it causes me a lot of anxiety having a disrupted routine and having to entertain people.

Hopefully your DP has got you a gift or something that needs to be picked up? Would that make sense?
Are you not receiving GP or friend support for your PND? :(

Happy almost birthday x

Thanks @Rowanberries.
Well done on your walk again, you have been doing really well. I'm also a hoarder here, but only once have I ever regretted getting rid of an item of clothing, so I probably should clear out more often aswell.

@PurpleFrames I hope the travelling and entertaining goes well and you get to relax with an early night after it.

Well I am dressed and ready to go now, we are leaving in ten minutes.

To answer your question, i see my gp and am on meds for the pnd, I also did a month of therapy. I haven't told my parents or siblings though, I put on a brave face and pretend everything is ok .
At the time I started feeling really bad and had to seek help, my dad was really ill and almost died and my sister was very heavily pregnant so I didn't want them, or my mother, worrying about me.

Purpleflames I can turn my hand to most things. I have a sewing machine, shared workshop, couple of years back I hand made all christmas presents that weren't our children, sewing projects, made a bed tidy, a mermaid tail blanket, I made wooden letters with road markings for toy cars, string art, candle holders, coasters, but I simply cannot get my hands to knit, so you have my upmost respect regardless of how long it took, it is a skill!

Newyearnewme2020 I also do (did) cross stitch its a different kind of patience and concentration, not to be sniffed at. I have an unopened kit I was meant to do in time for Christmas but just never got the urge to do it.

I have a Facebook page for my string art, but nowhere near the amount of confidence to promote it or brag enough to get people to take any interest. I did enjoy making the Japanese one, so I was thinking of offering to make one for one person each month or something, but I think that sounds pathetic and desperate.

@sugarplumfairy28 I have never seen string art before and am really intrigued by it, id love to see more of your work. If you do feel like sharing your fb page, even by private mail, I would love to see it. No pressure though if you aren't comfortable to do so.
And offering to make one a month for someone does not sound pathetic and desperate at all, it is really very thoughtful.

I'm home from my birthday dinner. There was a surprise. We pulled into a car park on the way and all my family were there waiting. I was so confused and didn't know what was going on. Then a stretch limo pulled up, they had all joined together to pay for it so I could drive to the dinner in style. Of course I was completely embarrassed and panicked about all the things I would need to remember to bring from my car, worrying in case I forgot something. Once we got to the meal it was fine though. And although I was so embarrassed at the time, I'm really happy now that they did this for me, it's something I'll probably never experience again in my life.

I can't sleep now though so looks like it will be another night of reading MN.

Newyearnewme2020 The facebook page is called Millotti, I don't mind 'showing' off the pictures, its just the wording when posting stuff that makes me feel awkward and embarrassed. I had my DHs family raving about it encouraging me to sell them make a FB page, and then my parents saying its tat, easy to do, no-one would pay for it.

Happy birthday! sounds like the evening went well in the end.

@sugarplumfairy28
Certainly not tat and just goes to show some people have no taste (or manners!) I'm also interested to see your page  thank you for your comments re the knitting

@Newyearnewme2020
Hopefully when there is a less stressful time you feel like you can share what you're going through with your family I'm sure that they would want to support x
Your party sounds like great fun- it's nice they respected your choice of venue but how fun to go in the limo!!

I'm a bit disappointed the thread I recently linked here has been pulled , there was some really good conversation happening just like here but I'm trying not to take it to heart
I got in a bit of a flap yesterday and had to use Sleeping tablets to get to sleep. And once I was sleeping I had a nightmare one of my oldest friends died in a really horrible way and I wasn't really sure when I woke up if it was true or not.

Sugarplumfairy your art is fantastic! I loved the octopus and the Phoenix in particular. You've clearly got a great eye for decorating as well looking at the photos. I'm totally jealous as I have really arty ideas but lack the skill to deliver them. You clearly have both. Your idea to make one a month is a great one and the recipients will be very lucky.

Newyearnewme- Happy birthday! Glad you had a nice meal and hope you are celebrating your achievement- you were nervous and worried but you did it anyway and got a lovely memory as a result.

PurpleFrames sorry to hear about your horrible dream. It is really disconcerting when you have a vivid dream and they linger with you isn't it? Is there something that would help dispell it?

Done my mile today and it was a big one 1) it was outside 2) on my own. I dropped DD off at an activity and rather than going home I went and wandered round the park instead. I am doing well with it but I know deep down this is displacement activity to avoid thinking about tomorrow...

@PurpleFrames of course. As I say small steps for now:

-Walk along the beach
-Bike ride - bundle up against the cold
-Sign up to line dancing (really keen and have a friend who wants to do this so she will push me on, May need a glass of wine first)
-choose 1 day per week for gym swim and stick to it regardless, hope to up this to 3 (the old happy me did)
-bought a family busy bee calendar and need to actively buy cards for birthdays and slot them in the correct month

All simple things to most but my MH makes it hard to face sometimes. I feel if my head is more organised it'll help. I often drive down the street and see people doing basic things like walking the dog or riding a bicycle with the children and would love to do it but there is nothing stopping me but my own self!!!

@sugarplumfairy28 I had a look at your work and I have to say I really like it. Your dh and his family are right, you definitely should be making them to sell them. I'm sorry your own family are so negative about it.

O dear @PurpleFrames I'm sorry you got such a fright. I hope you are having a more positive day today.

@Rowanberries huge achievement from you, you must be so pleased. Really wishing you the best of luck for tomorrow and hope it goes well.

I had a terrible sleep last night, I was awake for much of the night so just trying to make it through the day today. It's one of those days where I just can't wait to get to bed.

All the best for for tomorrow @Rowanberries x

They sound like great goals @babasaclover date I say resolutions!

I've just had an arsey late night email from my sort of boss (think 0hrs contract and manager who couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery) which has frustrated me a bit.
Got over the nightmare ok- the person involved is fine.

I have a gp appointment tomorrow as a mh review- not sure what to say. I have started journaling my moods since the new year, would it be weird to take it?

Urgh. Been awake since 6 and have a terrible headache. Not a good start.

Purpleframes- I'd take it with you. If nothing else it will give you a prompt if you have problems explaining. But I think it'll also be a really useful tool- a record to show how you were over time so you aren't influenced by whether you are talking to the dr on a good day or a bad day which might skew your overall perception of how you've been doing.

Thanks for all the kind comments. I have gotten pretty much nothing done all weekend, every time I try to read the whole thread I get dragged away by something else. Our daughter goes back to school tomorrow and among other things, she has severe anxiety. This episode has been getting worse since Thursday and now seems to be consuming the whole household.

Sounds tough sugarplumfairy. Anxiety is horrible and it must be hard wanting to support someone struggling.

Was feeling ok until I logged in and saw the youngest had been offered a space at an activity where he's been on the waiting list for a year. The joiners meeting was yesterday and you can't go unless you've done the meeting. Am now beating myself up that I've lost him the opportunity. Have emailed a begging message to see if something can be done- my out of office was on so they would have known I wouldn't get the email.

Hi all

@purpleframes I hope your gp visit went ok today

@sugarplumfairy28 your poor dd . Do you think it's the thought of returning that's driving her anxiety? Will she be any better once she gets in and settles?

@Rowanberries did you hear back about the activity? How was work besides that?

Right now most of my life entirely revolves around our DD who has been described as a 'complex case'. There is anxiety around lots of different elements, change of any kind is very difficult for her, going from school mode to holiday mode and vice versa, we have HUGE problems with school, so even when she gets back into school mode, there will be anxiety with other things. For example they are having to change the swimming pool they use for lessons due to works being carried out, I fully expect we will account problems there even though she loves swimming.

The last 2 nights she has been awake gone midnight despite me trying every trick I have. If she goes to school it won't be a full day.

There was a bit of a work crisis when isn't there so I did more hours than planned. Didn't do a full mile but did just under one when I went out to pick my meds up. 1st day of increased sertraline dose today.

How old is your DD sugarplumfairy? How did this morning go?

I ended up having a panic attack over the colour based organisation of my house- so had to cancel my GP appointment as I was panicking I'd be late and not have the organisation sorted the way I needed it before I could leave the house without a huge amount of anxiety

I am missing the respite of the holidays- the back to normal has been a huge realisation I have no life. I could be dead in my bed for ages and it wouldn't be noticed. I can't work and feel very guilty. I have started to be encouraged by the CMHT to do a half day of volunteering or something. I feel guilt about that too tho, that if I can do a volunteer role I should be doing 9-5. Urgh my head is so mean.

@Rowanberries
Did you hear back about the activity?
How was work overall?

@sugarplumfairy28
How old is your DD? I assume junior school as you talk about swimming classes...
I wouldn't worry a huge amount about a late bedtime as hard as it is. I had classmates that used to stay up most nights until 3am on Xbox etc and I was in school not all that long ago.

We've actually had a fairly good day for once, she has only gone back to school on day 1 a couple of times, but then we have the hiccup a couple of days later, so am really impressed she went in, and is talking positively about going again tomorrow. She only did 2 of the 5 lessons today, but its close to where we were before Christmas so I'm not complaining. I managed to do 5km on my cross trainer and actually felt upbeat enough to paint my toenails (I never have naked toes and they have been for a couple of months)

We're actually in Germany, she is 8, she has the rest of this school year then 1 more before senior school. School also starts at 7:40 and currently her year group generally finish at 12:10. Even junior lessons are planned out more like seniors, different teachers for different subjects, also how many lessons increases with each year so the length of the day gets a little longer each year, although for juniors no later than 13:00. DD is usually pretty consistent that she needs 11 hours of sleep, so the late nights are going to catch up quite soon now I'm having to wake her up for school.

They are letting him join . I got a lovely email back saying that usually they would say no but because our other kids are members and we've actively supported the group they will make an exception. It was doubly nice as I've always felt guilty we don't help more (our contribution is helping at a particular event once a year). I did a mile on the treadmill to celebrate.

Work is work. Team are being lovely but it is still just as frustrating as previously. 2 work days without crying though- been a while since I managed that! And I've made my bed each day which was my minor major achievement.

Sorry you had a tough day Purpleframes. Have you rebooked your appointment? On the volunteering front my situation might help argue with the mean voice telling you you should do 9-5. I literally did a couple of hours a year and it was appreciated enough to bend the rules for my youngest. I think it's something we probably all need to practice- focussing on what we can do/have done rather than what we can't do/should have done. Which is why I like the idea of celebrating the minor achievements- me making my bed each day actually represents so much to me.

Sugarplumfairy- don't know if this is helpful but I had huge problems with school, to the extent that I was barely there duing my GCSE year. They wanted to refuse to enter me. I did surprisingly well at GCSE but it wasn't til I started work that I felt like I found my niche and really flourished. I loved the structure of work- rigid and familiar enough to keep me functioning but flexible enough to allow me to find my own way of doing things. I know others who were the same. And I'm valued which is shown in how they have responded to my breakdown. Just thought it might be helpful to hear a positive story from someone who also struggled to attend school.

Cross posts sugarplumfairy- glad she had a good day. And that you have lovely painted toenails to cheer you up.