Support thread (for those who aren't having the most wonderful time of the year)

[PurpleFrames]

I've been getting good support on this board- other posters had provided valuable advice. The idea here is to do something a bit more informal and just check in with each other and maybe make some solidarity pals as we battle the black hole of mental illness, family, life and NHS 'support' services.

Take care everyone
X

My depression has taken a nose-dive lately anyway but on Friday I buried a much loved pet and have been in a funk since she died.

Today dragged myself up and forced myself to do laundry, hoovering and stuff. Met up with my bestie for a cocoam

Dreading Tuesday and Wednesday. I just want to sleep.

I. Just. Can't.

Am so exhausted.

Moon
Sorry to hear about your recent loss what a horrid time of year for that to happen :(
Well done for doing some self care things. What will you do on Xmas day?

Hi @TheLightSideOfTheMoon, Hi @PurpleFrames and thanks Purple for starting the thread.

I've been burning the candle at both ends far too much these past few weeks and am knackered. I need to get some supplies in in terms of food for the coming few days but all I want to do is stay in my pyjamas all day today - it's my first plan-free day in too long. 😬

Hello E
A plan free pj day sounds great- could you do an online shop so you can stay in? :)

I'm doing my last bit of extended family socialising today- then a quiet one for the rest of the hols. Only have a plan to see friends on one eve. Am looking forward to being gloriously lazy.

Looks as if online shopping slots are booked up. I might be able to Deliveroo something but not enough for today and tomorrow. I’ll have to brave the shops later 💪🏼

How did the shops go?
I ended up in Lidl briefly and it was deserted not what I was led to expect...

Had a tear in my eye when family spent ages talking about all the couples in our extended family. Missing my EXH and feeling alone in a full house.

Has anyone any advice as I'm feeling at my wit's end?

My DH has depression, diagnosed the last few months, although he has been symptomatic all year. He has lots of family and friends support, lots of people to talk to daily if and when he wants to.

I want to say, I can't cope anymore.
I do all the cleaning, the whole Christmas wifework, I work full time, I look after the kids and look out for extended family.

My husband has completely detached from life. Who helps me?

I know he's suffering, but now I am too desperately. I feel like leaving, but who can leave someone at such a low ebb? I can't, so trapped.

Sorry maybe a new thread would have been more suitable

Sorry to hear about you DH knock.

there are often support groups for carers that meet- I'm not sure if there's anything in your local area? You'd be considered a carer in your position.

I think you can also access some support from the GP so that might be worth being a first point of call?

Do you think you are depressed yourself?

Really sorry you're going through a difficult time this disease is horrible

Thank you @Purpleframes for responding to me. I think maybe Christmas brings all the stress to a head, trying to keep our family afloat.

I'd never thought of myself as a carer at all, but actually that's how I feel, as I also have two young girls to care for as well as DH, it's overwhelming atm.

I'll look up some groups, would just like to talk to others in my situation.

@PurpleFrames I made it to Waitrose and did a lot of impulse purchasing. It looks like I won't have to do that again for a while, phew.

It was pretty busy and the shelves were quite bare but I found what I needed.

I hear you on missing ExH, I take it from that that you are not in a couple RN? I miss my first husband's family Christmas, they put on a Proper Christmas which I loved.

@Knockalockin You could start your own thread if you want to ask for support on that specifically but feel free to hang around here as well if you would like some support over the festive season. (Also: my husband left me when I was at a considerably lower ebb than it sounds as if your DH is. I respect my exH's decision even though he was not that kind about leaving. Walking away is a valid choice, although personally I would do what I could to resolve things first.) Purple is right, as a carer you need to pull in more resources to support yourself. Is your DH getting support?

Merry Christmas all!

Erina
Ooh Waitrose what a lovely holiday treat their food is rather special. Glad that's sorted for you.

Yes we will have been split two years this month. It's a difficult one as there was what other people call DV and I did leave. Yet I regret it so much. He's since remarried and there was very little gap. I hear a lot it's hard for men to be alone and they often couple up quick after. Break up/bereavement but it still is a kick in the teeth

Morning all 😬

@PurpleFrames we will have been separated three years next month. We are still not divorced which is my fault, we decided to go for two years separation first and I have found getting through the paperwork this year much much harder than I thought I would. ExH is patient but I wish it was over and done with without my having to do it I suppose.

I’ve had a good coffee this morning and now have to mend my dishwasher which seems to have managed to unscrew some pieces of plastic from each other inside when I ran it yesterday, feel as if I am in the contest for least glamorous Christmas morning 2019.

Happy Christmas to everyone who celebrates 🎄 how has your day been?

Erina
did not realise divorce was such "hard work" in that sense. My marriage was a faith ceremony not recognised in law so that was at least something easier to resolve.

Knock
Hope your day has been relaxing.

@PurpleFrames Divorce is considerably more work than getting married is. Patriarchy, CoE tradition in UK and so on. Ultimately a judge makes the call as to whether the divorce can be granted, it is on the petitioner to prove that the marriage has broken down irrevocably. Whilst you marry each other jointly, one person has to divorce the other one. Archaic for an amicable situation such as ours.

Christmas day was busy, had a restful Boxing Day though. How did you get on /how are you getting on?

Hello all

I had a bit of a bumpy couple of days- started with finding out a so-called friend/extended relative had been calling my immediate family discussing an all manner of private things about my personal life, mental health, recent sti check at the docs etc etc. This was all done behind my back.

The other days were much the same- plenty tv chocs and sofa time...
Been thinking of all the lovely Mumsnetters and hoping you are well

Looks like just us here Purple, maybe we should go on other threads where people are struggling and point them to us here? Not sure what we can do in terms of support, aside from discuss what chocolates we are eating. I bought a box of Fox's chocolate biscuits and am working my way through them.

This seems like a friendly place. Can I join?
I’m a long term mumsnetter, but have recently name changed due to some outing stuff that’s going on, and haven’t changed back yet.
I haven’t been on the MH boards before though.
How is everyone feeling in the run up to NY?
I’m having the hardest time of my life at the minute, but no one has died, my DCs and so are healthy and my family are supportive, so I have a LOT to be positive and grateful for.

Sending anyone & everyone on here .

@PurpleFrames What a punch to the stomach that must have been - finding out about trusted people talking about you.

Good morning @NeverGuessWho and welcome to our support thread.

Sorry to hear that you are having the hardest time of your life at the moment, that sounds rubbish. Happy to listen if you want to chat here. I've leaned a lot on the MN MH boards over the past five years and check-in support threads like this one help me.

RE NY I'm hoping for good things, a friend said it's something about the 2020 date that sounds positive. I've had a shitty time since 2015 though (lots of MH problems, a divorce, a house move which I did not want, a career that stalled, political instability not helping my MH) so maybe I just need to cling to a shred of optimism right now.

How about you?

@erinaceus
Thank you.
2020 does have a nice ring to it doesn’t it?
I’m heading for where you’ve been by the sounds of it - impending separation, but I’m as ready for it as I’ll ever be. It’s all turned nasty. He’s started telling me that I’ve imagined all the shitty things that he’s done, so it would seem he’s out to try and destabilise me and mess with my MH.
I’m so glad I found this thread.
Sorry to hear your terrible times have been ongoing since 2015
I know a lot of people are still feeling an impending sense of doom and desperation about the election result.
You are long overdue some happiness. Here’s hoping 2020 is your year!

Welcome @NeverGuessWho 💝l
What is it about 2019 that's got your down? Will it change in 2020? Just seen your post about your separation- sorry to hear it's going nasty.

My exH is remarried now but I know he spun the tune of me being nuts to anyone who would listen. Funny I was perfectly sane until he started work on me.

Anyway things are somewhat repaired with my immediate family and the snitch firmly frozen out of my life.

Trigger warning **

I am struggling more with intrusive suicidal thoughts which are very detailed and would be 100% effective. I find relief from them when self harming or (sometimes) when crafting. I am also relying more on illicitly sedatives which I know is not great.

Hope everyone is well

@NeverGuessWho Fortunately our separation involved little in the way of shitty behaviour so I have emerged relatively unscathed relationally.

I have been astonished by how much I have grown since we separated; my MH issues predate the marriage and he bolted when they reemerged. He knew the history so I was a bit taken aback when he reacted how he did, but he couldn't cope with the reality of what a relapse looks like.

@PurpleFrames

Sorry to hear RE the suicidal thoughts. Does anything help? Do suggestions help? There have been a couple of threads over the years where we all pooled every coping strategy we could think of, there were some good ideas there. Illicit sedatives, well, there are worse coping strategies but in general they are contraindicated.

HNY all

erin

Happy 2020 everyone x

Wow @erinaceus that is although not deliberately cruel really horrible behaviour on behalf of your husband to leave when you 'needed' support most :( perhaps it's worked out for the best....

I think on me- it's a wave ive got to ride. I can fight the water but it'll still make me wet. So if I just lie back and let the waves wash I'll end up on the shore eventually.