Please help me make this decision today

[Pitterpatterpotter]

I’ve tried 2 types of medication for anxiety and low mood. The first didn’t do much for me and the second one gave me horrendous side effects including severe depression symptoms after 5 weeks and very dark thoughts. My gp told me to come off them but I asked for one more type to try. However I’ve been scared to take them.
I now have 3 weeks off work and am thinking this would be a good time to start them but I’m struggling to decide.

Cons

• I am down but not very depressed and I am exhausted due to work (which has finished so I may feel better naturally)
• If I get side effects it will be over Christmas and we have lots of plans with family and friends - the insomnia was unbearable and I couldn’t even smile for the 5 weeks I was on it and was too tired to see people. I’d have to cancel plans and the dc are excited
• I know if I exercise my mood lifts dramatically and I could try that instead (I’ve got into bad habits)
• I restarted mindfulness a couple of days ago and already feel better so maybe i should give that time

Pros

• I feel the worst I’ve felt in ages after a few triggers recently at work
• My anxiety is bad at the moment
• If I feel my mood plummet like I did on the other ADs I can see my gp before I start back at work and possibly come off them
• If I start them in January after I see my doctor again I will have to be at work through the side effects - I won’t take time off as I don’t want work to know
• if they don’t work at least I can say I’ve tried everything

Do I
A - take them
B - try all the other things and see how I feel now I’m not working for a while. I can then discuss starting them with my gp in January
C - not bother after previous SSRIs making me practically suicidal

I’ve got 2 fun weeks planned with dc. At the moment I’m anxious and low but enjoying things. In the past ADs have stopped me sleeping or enjoying anything.
Not sure what to do??

I am so anxious about this decision that it’s affecting my mood - the irony!

Which medication have you been offered?

I’m not a fan of SSRIs. Insomnia, raging anxiety.

Fluoxetine. I have had the tablets for a few weeks but I was scared to take them as the others made me so much more depressed. I was doing so well without them since I came off the others and have just plummeted in the last 2 weeks and stopped exercise and everything else.

My anxiety is making me feel there’s no hope without medication and that’s made me even more depressed! My husband, friends and psychologist all agreed the SSRIs I took before were very bad for me.
I’ve been unwell mostly with ptsd for a year or so and had lots of effective therapy but still not quite there yet

I'd say B - an AD usually won't kick in for 4-6 weeks so you're unlikely to get any benefits over Xmas anyway, only side effects. If you can lift your mood in other ways that's great and totally preferable to ADs as it means you are in control, not a medication.

How many meds have you tried? You could ask for something Different to an ssri if they don't work well for you, but you say your not depressed that your down so maybe try to stay off the meds do some self care and if that doesn't work then ask for meds. An snri May suit you better like duloxetine or vortoxietine which is an ssri but works very different to the older ones and is more tolerable than normal ssris.

If you’ve already tried different types of SSRIs and has bad side effects then they should be trying something else. SNRI, TCA, MAOI.

SSRIs are basic front line meds for bog standard MH issues, PTSD is far more complex.

Im going to say option 2. I am sorry to hear that you’re suffering like this though. It reads as though your mind is racing.

SSRIs didn't work for me. I am now on mirtazapine and it's great, it's a sedative so I actually get a full nights sleep which makes so much difference to how I feel during the day. Are you under a mental health team? Behaviour Activation Therapy is also really good for anxiety. Medication alone won't help. I hope this has been of some help to you

I too think B, try the other things and see how it goes.

You think you can enjoy Xmas with your family and that it a hugely positive thing.x

@nearlyfinished1moreyear I’ve been having private therapy for months. There is more detail on my other thread - it’s been an awful year and I’ve had enough of it now. I’m so lonely and fed up but can’t give too much detail as my job and also what happened to me would make me identifiable on MN. I just feel like giving up because I’m trying so hard to be ok. I thought the ADs would magic it all away and they didn’t.
I’m a thousand times better with the trauma stuff but the base line level of anxiety and mood isn’t great. Moving into a more compassion focused therapy in the new year

I understand your struggle I've had anxiety for years some days are worse than others. Do you have protective factors, pets, any friends/family for support? I'm on the app so unsure how to read your pp. I'd definitely ask them about a change from SSRIs. Is it GAD you have your is your anxiety specific to any situation?

*or is

I was say to them that you are struggling to sleep and have heard mirtazapine May help with this.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3764659-AIBU-to-want-to-give-up-partly-because-I-feel-so-alone

@nearlyfinished1moreyear

@vivacian thanks for reading this thread. My mind is racing and has latched onto the fear ‘you’ll only ever be properly better with medication’.
The fear of turning into my mum drives a lot of my anxiety and the trauma I experienced as well as bullying have just made things worse. I kept going with it buried for years.

@LizzieSiddal thank you x

@HigherFurtherFasterBaby I will chat to her about those options. Thank you. I want a magic pill to take it all away and I know that doesn’t exist. However I do know I was worse on the SSRIs and everyone around me who knew agreed x

I have PTSD, GAD, severe depression and panic disorder. I get huge anxiety around changing meds. I’m currently on Venlafaxine, Quetiapine, Diazepam and Propanolol. It’s not fun.

It’s so hard to say because everyone’s reaction is different, but I’ve always found it better to get on and take them, get through the side effects and come out the other end. I’ve always been glad I have.

And if work are your triggers (as they are for me), then dealing with it off work might mean it’s not so bad.

I was screaming and crying begging for an abortion of a very much fought for and wanted pregnancy (four years fertility treatment) at six weeks pregnant. This was because my anxiety was so bad I was in a constant state of terror, could not sit still felt like I was having a heart attack at every second and genuinely thought the only relief I'd get was to die or for my baby to die. Fast forward six weeks of fluoxetine and diazepam and I was a new person! I've only just managed to wean myself off of them and baby is six months old now but the fluoxetine saved both our lives. If you are scared of the initial feelings when they start to work then ask for a breakthrough calming drug like propranolol for physical effects, or diazepam to calm the mind

@Foldinglaundryisnotforme Did you still have normal feelings on the fluoxetine? the other medication made me feel nothing at all which was awful and I felt like I wanted to just die - I was completely numb and I longed the feel anxious again as at least with the anxiety there were ups and downs

I just feel like giving up because I’m trying so hard to be ok. I thought the ADs would magic it all away and they didn’t.

Is there a chance that you're exhausted because you're trying so hard to be ok when in fact you're not ok? Perhaps this is about acknowledging and accepting that some shitty things have happened to you, and it's not fair, and it's taken it's toll? Could this be a case of your body trying to tell you, "Oy! Superwoman! We have been strong to survive this to this point, but now we need something different!"?

Nothing can just magic it all away but have you tried a different type of AD? Seems silly to persist with SSRIs if you get bad side effects. Why not ask to try an SNRI or a Tricyclic?