Please help me make this decision today

[Pitterpatterpotter]

I’ve tried 2 types of medication for anxiety and low mood. The first didn’t do much for me and the second one gave me horrendous side effects including severe depression symptoms after 5 weeks and very dark thoughts. My gp told me to come off them but I asked for one more type to try. However I’ve been scared to take them.
I now have 3 weeks off work and am thinking this would be a good time to start them but I’m struggling to decide.

Cons

• I am down but not very depressed and I am exhausted due to work (which has finished so I may feel better naturally)
• If I get side effects it will be over Christmas and we have lots of plans with family and friends - the insomnia was unbearable and I couldn’t even smile for the 5 weeks I was on it and was too tired to see people. I’d have to cancel plans and the dc are excited
• I know if I exercise my mood lifts dramatically and I could try that instead (I’ve got into bad habits)
• I restarted mindfulness a couple of days ago and already feel better so maybe i should give that time

Pros

• I feel the worst I’ve felt in ages after a few triggers recently at work
• My anxiety is bad at the moment
• If I feel my mood plummet like I did on the other ADs I can see my gp before I start back at work and possibly come off them
• If I start them in January after I see my doctor again I will have to be at work through the side effects - I won’t take time off as I don’t want work to know
• if they don’t work at least I can say I’ve tried everything

Do I
A - take them
B - try all the other things and see how I feel now I’m not working for a while. I can then discuss starting them with my gp in January
C - not bother after previous SSRIs making me practically suicidal

I’ve got 2 fun weeks planned with dc. At the moment I’m anxious and low but enjoying things. In the past ADs have stopped me sleeping or enjoying anything.
Not sure what to do??

I've been on fluoxetine for the past few months. Started at 20 then went up to 40. It's been a lifesaver. I was suffering terribly with anxiety and depression after a horrific year and it's working wonders. Took a few weeks to feel any better but didn't feel any worse. Previously I'd been on Sertraline but got an allergic reaction to it and then mirtazipine which I couldn't function on at all.

@PinkHairD0ntCare thank you for your reply. I’ve decided to go on it in January when I see my doctor as if I react like I did to the other SSRIs it will ruin Christmas and I’ll feel even more shit. It’s definitely worth a try but I’d rather start it after trying to exercise more, lift my mood a bit and having a fun Christmas x

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut Will mention other types of medication to my gp and see what she says. I’ll start it in January when I’ll hopefully already feel a lot better.

You’ve all been so lovely - who ever knew anonymous support could be so wonderful.
I’ve committed to my daily mindfulness and gratitude diary, already restarted my exercise, put plans in my diary with friends and booked my ‘celebration of how far I’ve come’ evening with one of my most supportive friends. Also booked extra session with my psychologist sooner to talk and have spoken honestly to a couple of friends about how shit I feel which has actually made me feel better.
I’m going to try all these things to make myself feel better but also allow myself to admit it’s been crap and is still crap. I think I need both.

I have previously been on fluoxetine and I found it amazing. It treated my OCD as well as stopped me ruminating and worrying about things not related to the ocd. I had no side effects really except that I rarely cried. I still laughed and felt happy though, so it didn’t leave me feeling numb. I came off to try for a baby, otherwise I’d still be on it as I felt so good on it. Obviously my experience may be different to others but fluoxetine worked for me so I thought I would share. I’m sorry to hear you are struggling and hope that things begin to improve for you

I really admire your bravery and open-mindedness OP, both can be difficult to muster when we're low on resources.

I've had a lot of success with Tricyclic ADs even though they apparently have more side effects.ive not experienced anything apart from a dry mouth

I don’t feel brave vivacian. Most of the time I feel like a failure because of my mental health which is why I over analyse every decision I make and doubt myself all the time.
On paper and in public (my role is very public) I am successful and well loved which makes me feel worse as I feel like a fraud!!

@Breakfastat that’s helpful thank you. I am happy with my decision to not start taking them this week but I agree with vivacian’s observation that I’m open minded because I really will try anything if it will help! I was sceptical about the intensive trauma therapy but it was life changing. I’m sceptical about the compassion focused therapy helping me be more kind to myself but I am entering into it with an open mind