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Original poster

feeling a little wibbly wobbly today girls!

42 replies

MTS · 28/09/2004 12:03

Don't think any/many of you saw my thread yesterday, but I had a session with my therapist yesterday, and he basically agreed with my suspicisions that I have a mild degree of Aspergers Syndrome. I don't want to go for any formal diagnosis as I don't think it would confer any benefits and depressed/OCD mum is enough to be going on with! Am feeling a bit wobbly about the whole thing, and I suppose concerned for what it might mean for DS; i.e. how do I teach him to have better social skills than I possess. DH is being very blase - doesn't see it as an issue, particularly given that I had suspected it anyway (and thinks his cold is much more important!)

sorry for moaning

OP posts:
TraceyP · 28/09/2004 12:10

Bloody hell, MTS, you have every right to moan! You have been so supportive of everyone else on these threads, if you need support and sympathy then you should damn well get it. I really feel for you at the moment, I can't say anything constructive because I don't know anything about Asperbers but you have my sympathy and my shoulders are broad and absorbent if you want to cry on them!

Can you sit dh down and really explain to him what your problems mean to you and how you feel? (Failing that, a sharp poke in the eye should do it ...

Original poster
MTS · 28/09/2004 12:21

Thanks Trace. I have tried that last night and this morning. He was surprised this morning that I still felt upset. Maybe once the cold wears off and sanity returns!!!

OP posts:
Blu · 28/09/2004 12:22

Not at all surprised that you are wobbly - and hope you can get lots of help and support.

A couple of things - bear in mind the word 'mild', and that you DH loves you for who you are, and feels confident in being blase. He clearly doesn't believe you are any 'risk' to DS - so why should you worry about it? Anyway, knowledge is power, and you are so obviously a loving and contientious mother that you will take the greatest care to see that your DS thrives to his full potential.

Wobble on, we're listening.

TraceyP · 28/09/2004 12:26

Men and colds eh - they've always got at least double pneumonia. I agree with Blu - knowledge is power, and knowing that you have difficulty with social skills you are in an excellent position to teach your son. I have never met you but the fact that you are a loving, caring person shines out from your posts and I have no doubt that you will be doing everything in your power to give your son the very best that you can.

Titania · 28/09/2004 12:30

you aren't moaning!!! blimey girl....you have been so much support to everyone else on here!!! Your DS will be fine.....he has a mummy who loves him very much. As for DH....you know what men are like....my DH is the same. Im here for you if you need to talk or let off steam....you've been a goot friend to me, I hope I can repay your kindness.

coppertop · 28/09/2004 13:12

I think you're entitled to have a moan!

Mrsforgetful is a MN poster who has AS. She hasn't been posting as much just lately but is really lovely and would be able to give you lots of advice about living with AS when she returns.

As for the social skills worries, I'm sure you will be fine. In any case, NT children tend to pick up a lot of their social skills by instinct. The bits that don't come naturally (eg the please & thankyou's, general manners etc) are all things that I'm sure you will have no problems teaching ds.

You have of course got it wrong about your dh. He doesn't have a cold. He has flu, pneumonia, and needs 24hr care to be nursed back to full health, the poor wee thing.

Original poster
MTS · 28/09/2004 13:16

Oh good, must continue to moan on then since you all think I am entitled to it! It's tough as I don't really want to tell anyone in RL as it were; my mum would flap, I don't get on with my ILs, and I don't think any of my friends would understand. Am off out leaving DH to babysit and buy myself a cream cake. Nowt like the traditional methods of cheering yourself up!

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 28/09/2004 13:18

Hi MTS, sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but I agree with everyone else here that your ds has a loving and caring mum who will do everything possible to make sure he has all the skills he needs.

Maybe your dh is being blase as a way of coping. Maybe he doesn't understand or feels a bit out of his depth as you have only just told him about it.

Feel free to moan away anytime.

yingers74 · 28/09/2004 13:20

Enjoy your crean cake.
Did your therapist, give you any advice or point you in the direction of any groups where you could discuss your concerns? Perhaps an internet based one?

I cannot believe your husband's response, although it is a typical male thing. Imagine how easy labour would be if men had to do it???

Original poster
MTS · 28/09/2004 16:07

made the mistake of buying and eating two cream cakes - so feel a bit weighed down now . I've got some internet addy's from people on the SN board, and have started having a look, and will also look on amazon.

thanks everyone for the virtual tea and sympathy!

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Chinchilla · 28/09/2004 19:32

Can I ask how you knew you had it. What is it about you that is different. Your posts always seem so, well normal, for want of a better word. I don't mean to pry, I'm genuinely interested.

Original poster
MTS · 28/09/2004 19:44

ah yes chinchilla but when I post you miss the poor eye contact/difficulty with small talk/literalness etc/physical and social clumsiness; for want of a better word I don't give off the "weirdo"/"nervous" vibes in the same way over the net! I am very literal - not good at all at blagging or white lies or flirting, and I
don't do inflections for sarcasm etc properly - I say something that's meant to be funny only it doesn't come out the right way. I love internet chat boards etc because they make life so much easier. also as well I find I am not at all instinctive with social situations - I find what comes naturally to other people I have to learn (and sometimes the hard way). also as well there is a connection between ASD and OCD. I would be at the mildest end of Aspergers, don't forget. I have always felt "different" tbh - people have said I am "intense" or "have a strong personality" in the past to explain it. As I say there's no definite official diagnosis so nothing is 100% set in stone.

OP posts:
Chinchilla · 28/09/2004 20:40

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I find it really interesting how the mind works. I babysat once for a boy who was later diagnosed with AS, and he was totally different from what you have described. He must have been at the other end of the scale.

MUMINAMILLION · 28/09/2004 20:58

Hi MTS. As usual, I cant really add anything except to say I am sorry to hear how down you were. I had a quick look on the internet about aspergers as it was something I wasnt familiar with. TBH, the symptoms seemed to describe most people I know - including me - so dont think you are very different to any of us! I'm glad it is mild though, and hope you will be able to cope with it on top of everything else. How are you dealing with the OCD?

motherinferior · 28/09/2004 21:02

Honey, I've only just come to this thread. I just wanted to say that the honesty and vividness with which you've described your AS (if it is that) knocked me sideways. Thank you. Hang on in there. Hugs.

Kayleigh · 28/09/2004 21:50

oh MTS. Am so sorry you are feeling down. You have been such a great poster on this board with advice and support. It's the least we can do to support you through this.

As for your dh. He's a man. Are you really suprised at his reaction ???!!

Jimjams · 28/09/2004 22:00

TraceyP there are a lot of very god books out there relevant to adults with AS. Try looking at jessica Kingsleys website- she publishes a lot of relevant books. ANother good place to start may be aut-uk - a number of posters there have AS- and they may be able to point you in the direction of AS only mailing lists. (Aut-Uk is open to anyone interested in autism- but there are mailing lists set up specifically for people with AS).

Don't worry about your ds. I know someone who is autistic as is her dh and she says that her NT dd (who is about 5 or 6 I think) tells her how to behave socially. Having one autistic son and one completely NT son I can guarantee that NT-ness is just there- my NT son can't help being NT any more than my autistic son can help being autistic iyswim. Social skills don't have to be taught to NT kids they just seem to know what to do (watching ds2's development in the wake of ds1's frequently leaves us open mouthed with a "I didn't know children just did that" type comment)

Jimjams · 28/09/2004 22:00

Good grief I'm getting everyone's names wrong today- I emant MTS not TraceyP sorry!

sportyspice · 28/09/2004 22:01

MTS - Sorry to hear all this, sending big hugs your way.

Original poster
MTS · 28/09/2004 23:14

thanks for the kind thoughts and input everyone, and apologies for the hysterics - is it me or does everything always feel much better in the evening?

OP posts:
essbee · 28/09/2004 23:15

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MTS · 28/09/2004 23:15

oh well, obviously wrong with that theory then!!

OP posts:
essbee · 28/09/2004 23:17

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MTS · 28/09/2004 23:19

no think I was being flip. IIRC can be any particular time of day you feel bad, but mornings to tend to be a culprit particularly if you work early.

OP posts:
TraceyP · 28/09/2004 23:39

jimjams!

MTS, hope you're feeling a bit better now. Don't apologise about "the hysterics", they weren't as bad as my dd being asked to use the loo for a poo, so they can't have been too dramatic! We're here for you and will support you in any way we can.

Night, sleep well and hope you feel better in the morning.