Any one up? Handhold needed

[FreedomBird]

I’m feeling down and suicidal (just feelings, I know I won’t act).

No one irl to phone or talk to.

Just need to feel I’m not alone.

Thanks x

Hi, I’m here. Could you call the Samaritans?

Is anything in particular going on for you?

We are here. Just keep talking

Thank you

I have episodes of mental health and Ill health.

I was doing well. Really well. Last 24 hours I’ve crashed.

Because of the up and the down I don’t feel like people take me seriously when I crash. It’s like they think I’m exaggerating or sensationalising. I’m not. I really do feel suicidal.

Ok so I am almost certain that I wouldn’t act on those feelings although I self sabotage in lots of ways.

I self harm. I get drunk. I overeat. I get on a negative thought spiral and can’t get off.

I just feel such a deep deep emptiness and sadness

But the suicidal thoughts make me so insular. And it’s this inward thinking that makes it all so much harder.

I hear you OP and those are tough feelings, can you think of things that have helped in the past?

Yes some rest and some kindness and some self care.

I will do those things tomorrow. I may go and have a milky drink and watch some TV. Annoyingly I was tired really tired. As soon as my head hit the pillow my legs were restless and the bad thoughts got louder and louder.

I napped earlier today because I was so exhausted by the mental strain and now it’s keeping me awake.

Do you think people really don’t take you seriously when you feel like this or do you think that might be imagined? (Not meant to be offensive, I know from experience it’s so hard to see things clearly when you’re in the middle of it). Do you have a good support network generally?

I do know what you mean though....people might hear that you’re struggling but since you are “ok” after a while normally then they don’t still think how horrible it is for you still

Sorry I’m not sure that made a whole load of sense! But I do get what you’re feeling, I’ve had it too.

Have you tried mindfulness? It’s no magic cure and won’t solve everything, but when practiced it can be a really useful way to manage things when times are tough

Can you listen to a podcast or a YouTube video? I do this when my mind is whirling, it helps to have to listen to something when I can't find peace.

It’s probably imagined. I feel like I won’t be taken seriously. It’s the classic ‘but you have so much to live for’ and I know this!! But I can’t stop my brain thinking the things it does!!
I know it’s probably fleeting and I have started to explore maybe PMDD (due on next week) or Bipolar (don’t think it’s this - I don’t get mania)

It’s the hot and coldness of it that’s hard to deal with. Being ok. Not being ok. Being ok. Not being ok.

Constantly feel I’m explaining where I am and justyfying it

Or rain music? There are lots on YouTube or Spotify

I'm here too, enforced wakefulness rather than insomnia for me, though I've had so many nights like what you're going through. Do you have something to read? Or have you ever tried listening to a meditation track - anything really to keep your mind out of the loop.

I don’t have my headphones and I’m sleeping at my boyfriends house. If I was at home I’d put music on

The up and down gets so exhausting. Hope you get some rest of some sort.

I love reading but have really struggled to read for years now. I just can’t concentrate.

Hey @FreedomBird I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re not alone and you do matter... you’ve shown such strength posting this, keep going and it will get better x

I keep thinking I should take up cross stitch again.

Hi OP. Hope you have support. I'm diagnosed Bipolar although I've been well for some time. You're doing the right thing talking about stuff and I thought I'd mention that perhaps cyclothymic disorder might fit what you're experiencing? It's on the spectrum of Bipolar/mood disorders.

I’ve had the same with struggling to concentrate reading. I’ve tried to ease myself back into it by reading really simple books that don’t require a lot of concentration...for me, fairly straight forward crime thrillers! Just a suggestion for the future.

Can you watch some stupid puppy or panda videos muted on YouTube?

Or tv shows with subtitles?

You say you don't experience mania but insomnia / struggling to focus on things / racings thoughts - could - be hypomanic symptoms, Bipolar illnesses don't always include full blown mania. In any case, I hope you're ok and here's a hand hold from me.

Hi Freedom,
I can relate to the ‘ups and downs’ along with the suicidal feelings.
For me it’s always been worse at night!
I think it’s hard to concentrate on reading because your brain just slows down with depression. I struggle with just about everything when I’m low. I played that BouncingBalls game on my iPad as it was literally the only thing I could get my head around.

What are you up to tomorrow? X

I used to feel like this OP, I got meds from the doctor, Citalopram, and it really helped. Can you go to see your doctor on Monday? Counselling can help too. In the short term, tonight, try to imagine the bad feelings bring balloons that fly up into the sky, and watch them disappear - or that they are clouds moving away in the wind. Concentrate on your breathing, really feel your breath going in , count to 5 as you breath in and 5 as you breath out.
Hugs OP.