I've always had ridiculously lofty dreams as a kid. You'd think that I'd have outgrown them at the grand age of 26, but alas, here we are. The problem is that I am slowly but surely destroying every little bit of good in my life in pursuit of what is essentially nothing more than a fantasy.
Logically, I know it's utterly childish. I can't seem to get these thoughts out of my head though. For instance, I can be having the best day surrounded by people who love me and my mind will drift to visions of how much better life could be if only I were prettier or smarter or if I'd made different decisions in the past. I even pushed my wonderful, gorgeous ex away as I felt that her thinking that I was a bitch was preferable to her waking up one day and wondering what the hell she was doing with someone like me.
Some days I worry that I'm too far gone. Most days I feel like everything's only going to get exponentially worse because I've wasted what's commonly said to be the 'prime' of my life and that it's all downhill from here. Another day, another disappointment. How do I get myself out of this mess?