Long story! I’ve been with my OH for 5.5 years and we have one child together, I have one from a previous relationship.
BIG RAMBLE coming so hold onto your knickers please! I’ve got a lot to get out.
At first he was amazing (aren’t they all?) convinced me that I should be in a relationship with him after telling him I wanted stability and love and I could do that myself.
Over these years I’ve had a lot of shit. I wanna say abuse, but he says I bandy that word around like I want him to be abusive. This is not the case! I want a quiet life, but I think he may have been abusive.
He’s shouted, demeaned me in front of friends. Told me I’m useless, pathetic, told his colleagues horrible untruths about me to make himself look better and when I found out he said he’d slap me. He’s cheated and lied despite the fact I walked in and saw it. He’s hidden many things from me, including various apps such as using Tinder while I was next to him in bed to “see what else is out there” ooh but he didn’t make an account (because he had difficulty not remorse) so that’s ok right? Right?? He has told me in front of both children that he’ll “break my fucking wrist”. He expresses much disdain and wanting to hurt animals (I haven’t seen this though). He wants to control everything. I’ve had epilepsy the whole time and even when he caused a seizure with which I fell down the stairs he didn’t care. He’s been witnessed while I’m seizing/passed out from my heart condition picking me up by the neck of my jumper and throwing me on the sofa. He denies this. But a friend saw and it was also captured on camera. I also have some awareness when fainting and still I’d better not dare question him! “Fuck you. Cunt” is what I get all the time.
I’m disabled and my mobility is bad along with chronic fatigue, I’ve also got a herniated disc and was in hospital all of yesterday where he blames me for being left with the baby and taking my eldest to/from a club (he wouldn’t harm the kids or I wouldn’t let him). I still have to do everything. He says he has anxiety about going to work so even though I’m in chronic pain and constantly injured I have to make his (2 specific cooked) lunches (plus 3 specific snacks and a specific sandwich and drink) and if I do it wrong (which, of course is more often than actually true) it’s another hounding. I get told I do nothing when he has pushed his only limited chores onto my 11yo which was only unloading the dishwasher and taking the bin out anyway. “I work long hours” I also work but he won’t take baby, brought baby to me in work last time and I’m on a warning but also won’t let me put him in nursery. He uses my disabilities to tell me what I can and can’t do but also if I say I physically can’t do something it’s “well do you wanna be treated fucking disabled or not? Take painkillers!” Bear in mind I do EVERYTHING and stay up crying in pain. He came up at 1am to tell me for 20 minutes (bearing in mind back problems and sleeping baby next to me) how fucking useless and disgusting and messy I am.
I have no friends because of how awful he is to me and them. He blames me for the baby only settling with me because I breastfeed but I think the baby can pick up on his problem! He says he absolutely adores the baby and is very interested in gentle parenting etc but has little patience and it’s “he just wants you”. The baby adores him.
Recently after a horrible and unfounded argument in which he said I’m “damaged goods” (childhood sexual abuse and rape in adulthood) among many other things, he eventually told me he was diagnosed with Antisocial behaviour disorder before we even met. He’s been fucking hideous to me for over 5 years and he knew why? He also said that it’s incurable so he has no intention of seeking help. He took my engagement ring (obviously he had a huge and beautiful proposal that meant sweet fuck all).
Yesterday was bad. He was hissing horrible things at me in the hospital and being wonderful as soon as the staff were around. Like night and day, off like a switch. “Shut the fuck up just shut the fuck up” and then all smiles.
He said he had a history of alcohol and prescription painkiller abuse that I didn’t know about and he doesn’t now. He takes some hormonal testosterone booster for the gym which has made him worse although he won’t admit it. I was dead against it but obviously that was a week of abuse too for daring say something.
He’s been in a foul mood (worse than usual) for days but today he keeps saying he’ll kill his self. He’s been shouting and scaring the baby and doesn’t care. I said something not even inflammatory and got “ill fucking kill you too! I’ll kill you then myself. You’ll see you’ll fucking see” “I’ve got a DNAR do you wanna see it?!” And later “fuck off” (me) “why don’t you fuck off?” Ran out of patience this time. “I will I told you by the end of the week I’ll be gone and you’ll have everything you’ve ever wanted” mind you I’ve done nothing but try to help. But I haven’t loved him for a long time. He just won’t leave. He’s progressively getting worse. I don’t dare breathe for fear of abuse. Today it was “why are you fucking smiling? You’ve been smiling at your phone for a fucking hour!” I was certainly not smiling, looking up the negative effects of parents with the condition.
Is this the Antisocial Behaviour? He has a huge complex about being better than EVERYONE. But he can completely turn it off at work and around everyone but me!
Sorry that wasn’t short at all 😭 I just needed it out. Please no remarks about me being an idiot, I get that a lot. I intend to call around mental health places tomorrow but I don’t wanna risk his job and DBS. It’s my house he doesn’t live here but he’s here a lot and when we argue refuses to leave at all. I’m stuck and I’m scared and I’ve wanted out for so long.
Thank you