its just hit me that i have nothing left to look forward to

[AnAngelWithin]

everyone has ups and downs. i know that. but I have realised now that i have not actually got anything to look forward to in life and i don't know what to do about it. I have put on loads of weight recently due to the tablets the doctor has put me on to prevent my migraines (which arent working as i have a constant headache) I have wanted to be a midwife for ages but, i can't see how that will ever happen. me and DH are fed up of living where we are but money (lack of) means we can't move. We aren't in debt, we manage, but we have nothing save IYKWIM. Ideally we would love to move to australia but hey ho! things aren't that great between me and dh but i don't know if thats just cos of the way things are at the moment or if i am just being a miserable cow. I don't have time to do anything for myself except spend 10 minutes on the computer now and again. Me and DH are spending less and less time together. I am scared to death about going for my MRI and what they will find. In a way, I am almost wishing they will find something and be done with it. It just feels like I have got nothing left to look forward to. Just like im going to be stuck in the same house in the same dreary town doing nothing but cook and clean all my life

thanks will haev a look when dd2 detaches herself from my leg

Glad to be seen!

Take care Angel.

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Pitch - that is sound advice

Angel, just hoping you ok.

yes DH knows how i feel. i go to bed in agony every night, usually crying myself to sleep. i have stopped drinking tea and coffee, stopped eating coloured cheeses etc. I am trying to loose weight as well so i am eating more healthy anyway. the kids are being a nightmare today. have already burst into tears twice. got the doctors on wednesday. i feel so alone and in pain. i can't go on like this.

Take them all outside. Can you go anywhere for blackberries? Tis the time now, grab a carrier bag and go picking blackberries, then they can help you make a pie with it later.

Or shove them outside with a bowl of water and some pots and things.

Or stick them in front of the telly for a while whilst you just have a little lie down.

Hello there AnAngelWithin,

First of all, I hope this thread has shown that there are people out there who are wishing all the best for you. When you are feeling like this, it's hard to see the positives, the things that we are blessed with and hopefully the other great replies here have helped.

I have experienced depression in my life and what you have written has reminded me of some toughs times I've experienced too. It does affect every aspect of your life and the cycle of negative thoughts can be hard to break but believe me, with the right support you can turn this around. I would really recommend that you speak to your doctor about being connected to some support. An approach called cognitive behaviour therapy is highly effective for me, it has mean since my episode of depression over 8 years ago, I haven't suffered since. Having got a bit more life experience tucked under my belt now, I am actually considering going back to Uni to become a CBT therapist myself. What strikes me is once you have overcome this period in your life (and you really will), what a fantastic midwife you could make. Having insight into how people can suffer with depression and anxiety will make you all the more inightful and capable.

The strange thing is (and I would have never believed it at the time though!) I believe it has actually made me stronger and probably more able to be happy.

Take that first step and stay focussed on everything you have to gain.

thank you. have had CBT. Didn't do much for me though tbh.

I have just had my appointment through for my MRI scan. 29th august. I am petrified.

my homestart lady is coming in a while. not seen her for a few weeks so will be nice to see her.

i have got the paperwork and booklets here to apply for the access course to go into midwifery but until i get my headaches sorted i don't think i can even consider it.

Hope your day gets better. xx

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