Fear of wetting myself ruining my professional life

[Fearofpeeingmyself]

This is so stupid but so real at the same time and getting worse.
About 9 years ago I had a horrible but painless bladder infection. The only symptom was an overwhelming urge to pee. Took two lots of antibiotics to shift it.
Since then, no Utis, all good, when relaxed I have normal bladder function.
But I've developed some weird anxiety about wetting myself in public since then. It gets worse when the spotlight is on me and that its especially bad in professional situations when I often have to speak to senior management or in large meetings or forums. I get shakey, cnat focus, even have to leave the room.
Today I had a meeting with senior management and I needed to speak. But I had such an overwhelming feeling I was going to wet myself (despite having gone 30 minutes before) I had to leave the room and go to the loo. I looked like an idiot.
What do I do? I've been too embarrassed to speak to gp. I don't mind paying for private therapy but what on earth do I look for? Is this a thing? Do others have it??? When I look, I only find incontinence but I don't have incontinence when I'm not anxious!! Its totally psychological.
Please help!!!!

Would wearing a pad at the times you know you have to speak help give you confidence that if the worst happens nobody will know? A quick and easy solution, but for short periods of time, you don’t want to get another infection by eating hot sweaty pads all day when you dont need them.

Long term some therapy if some sort would help. Relaxation exercises, meditation, hypnotherapy? I’m not an expert in this area so I dont know what kind.

If it’s totally psychological would wearing period pants help give you confidence? Just for the times that you know will be stressful. I use Modibodi for periods but have had a terrible cough recently so have worn them in case I wee a bit when coughing (I did a bit when I was driving, it’s a difficult position for my pelvic floor to stay strong I think).

I was thinking that. I bought some tena pads. Seems a bit crazy as my bladder is totally fine but if it works I'll take it! I have another meeting tomorrow with same managers and I'll be doubly stressed because to walk out once is kinda ok (not feeling good, emergency call) but twice in a row will be just weird. I hope this is the answer.

Buy reusable pants with protection built in, they are revolutionary! I had given up on any exercise etc because of the fear of leaking (I don't want to have the op they offered me). Mine double up as period pants

I have a similar anxiety (though not as severe), and I find a pad really helps. They do work, and it just gives me enough security to get on with things.

Can you get some of those discreet pants for incontinence? Try them out in advance, check they work.
Then when you panic you're going to wet yourself you know that even if you do you're safe. It might allow you to relax.

hiya,

From what you are describing it sounds a bit like somatosensory intrusive thoughts - the standard treatment for this is cognitive behavioural therapy. May want to have a look into it on google and see if it sounds familiar/helpful

Best of luck

I sympathise OP, I suffer from urge incontinence and it has massively impacted my life. I have started wearing tena lady and my anxiety has really decreased, knowing there is a "safety blanket" so to speak - and despite wearing them during emergency situations I've not once needed them!
It might be worth seeing your GP and asking for CBT though. It didn't help me but lots of people I know have benefited (for other reasons).

Thanks! It's good to know its not just me.
I was thinking cbt so also helps having a name for it!

I had a very similar thing, along with some other symptoms, and was eventually diagnosed with agoraphobia, which was successfully treated with cognitive behavioural therapy. Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. You fear an actual or anticipated situation - so being worried about wetting yourself can cause a full blown panic attack. I went to see a psychiatrist privately because I thought my symptoms were so bizarre, but she said it was all classic agoraphobia and very treatable. It might not be right, I can only tell you my experience, but maybe worth looking into?

Yes, CBT can help here.

Wearing pads isn't a great idea, you risk becoming reliant on them and that's just not ideal if you don't really need them.
Good advice from others re CBT.

Definitely - don't want to be reliant on pads! But, most days this is actually not an issue. A day when I'm at home with the family or just in the office, i'm totally fine.

It's only when I'm in a situation where I can't just pop to the loo that I suddenly feel like i absolutely have to!!! Although funnily I'm ok on planes and public transport - it's more when I'm anxious and the attention is on me tht this happens (I'm naturally quite introvered so always found this a bit difficult but the peeing thing just throws me for a loop). To the point where I wonder if I'm even made for my job (which I otherwise love and would hate to give up because of such a stupid thing but i felt like quitting today!!).

Walkintheparc. I disagree, it's the fear that fearofpeeing needs to deal with. Not actual peeing.
If pads or period pants gives op some physical security then the fear might subside.
Op please do see your GP and ask for some help to try and overcome this fear. As pp have said CBT may help.
Wishing you well

As you've said it's totally psychological and sounds like some kind of anxiety, CBT would be recommended by a gp I think.

I had CBT for anxiety a few years ago and was explicitly told that doing things like wearing a pad for fear of incontinence would be a bad idea as it reinforces the anxiety. Actually what is more helpful is to sit with it (ie sit in the meeting, not go to the loo because you know you went 30mind ago). That's if it is anxiety related. Obviously if there is any physical reason you might be incontinent then wearing a pad or those knickers would be perfect.

Trip to the gp is in order either way!

OP, I've had the same thing for about 10 years and for no good reason. It's stopped my career progression, as I don't feel I can speak in public, struggle in some meetings and courses. I wear a pad for meetings even though I haven't ever wet myself. I also get it when I'm driving with passengers etc. Hope you can get it sorted.

Exactly what I'm worried about. When I'm sitting on a stage or on a panel, I get all sweaty, anxious because of this. I really don't want it to stop me doing my job. It's so silly but feels so awful in the moment!

I would recommend Hypnotherapy over CBT; search for your local one and read up on their training and experience. Good luck - I believe if they are good they will find it to be a straightforward thing to sort with you.

I have the same. Sometimes I'm stuck in a lorry for hours. The more I worry about needing the loo the worse it seems to be. It's so bad that sometimes I just won't drink anything so as to not make it worse.

Agree - CBT. You can self-refer to your local NHS IAPT service for free, although there will be a wait, or see a CBT therapist privately.

CBT can help. Dont use pads because they reinforce that you need them when you dont.

If you actually wet yourself you should see gp and be referred to clinic. Do pelvic floor exercises. Make sure you are not constipated, use pads.
There is a support group U and I?
If it's anxiety psychological therapy may help

There was one time when I did get so worked up in my mind that a little bit did come out, but that was only once in all the years (although enough to really freak me out).
Will also look up hypnotherapy. I'll try anything!

OP I have exactly this problem but I have a phobia of being sick so have anxiety around being sick. This has only been triggered severely in the last few months and initially I took Kalms with every meal and they worked wonders. After 3 weeks I’ve weaned myself off them and have had zero anxiety at all.
I am also starting hypnotherapy tomorrow as I’ve heard of a lot of success

Got through! And voluntarily made a rather provocative comment (which would have normally increased urge and preventing me saying what i want to say).

• Tena lady pads for medium incontinence
• Keeping bladder empty
• Popping a lorazepam (I know, I know but emergency measures call for emergency menas)
• And telling myself that these are intrusive thoughts.

And it worked!!! Not prefectly. But good enough. Now need to find more sustainable means to keep going through CBT or hynotheray but at least have a stop-gap meausre which might work for now.