Fear of wetting myself ruining my professional life

[Fearofpeeingmyself]

This is so stupid but so real at the same time and getting worse.
About 9 years ago I had a horrible but painless bladder infection. The only symptom was an overwhelming urge to pee. Took two lots of antibiotics to shift it.
Since then, no Utis, all good, when relaxed I have normal bladder function.
But I've developed some weird anxiety about wetting myself in public since then. It gets worse when the spotlight is on me and that its especially bad in professional situations when I often have to speak to senior management or in large meetings or forums. I get shakey, cnat focus, even have to leave the room.
Today I had a meeting with senior management and I needed to speak. But I had such an overwhelming feeling I was going to wet myself (despite having gone 30 minutes before) I had to leave the room and go to the loo. I looked like an idiot.
What do I do? I've been too embarrassed to speak to gp. I don't mind paying for private therapy but what on earth do I look for? Is this a thing? Do others have it??? When I look, I only find incontinence but I don't have incontinence when I'm not anxious!! Its totally psychological.
Please help!!!!

Hi!!! I have the same exact problem!
Mine developed in 2010, and I still have it.
It just developed itself, I had a stressful job, family had fallen apart, I had to quit uni to help the family business- too much for a 22 yo.
I can sit all day in the office without needing to go, but the moment there is a meeting or a colleague wants to talk....I need to go. Its happens in situations where I know it would be rude to leave, or I can't leave, meetings, bus, car (if someone else is driving), movies, etc.
I use incontinence pads and it removes the anxiety completely.
I opened up to a psychologist recently, we are working on weaning me off the pads as this is no good....you don't want to be on this forever.
Its hard.
Right now, I rotate between going into the grocery store to buy 5 items to catching a bus two stops and walking back.
Its hard to treat this as you need to focus on treating it without focusing on it....crazyyyyy.
Please, don't go down the pads route, get treated, my only regret was I was so embarrassed I didn't know who to approach so just took the pad route. Now I haven't had a bf since because I dont know how I would ever explain this.
Remember, when testing yourself, it will be uncomfortable but you can do it. Try it in low risk areas first- like a out of town grocery store. You are not alone.

Hi! Just wondering if you had therapy and it got any better?
I have this exact problem and had it for years. Lockdown has been amazing as I don’t worry when on a zoom and I don’t get those stuck talking with colleagues in the corridor situations when I panic about there being a problem!

So it was getting worse post-lockdown, even happening in places where it had never happened before.
Unfortunately pads have become a regular fixture.
I started getting therapy a couple of months ago. My psychologist thought it was similar to a panic attack kind of situation so been to Dr and been prescribed Setraline to take regularly (which I hadn't expected) and propranolol and alprazolam to try for acute attacks. Plus psychologist is working on self soothing techniques to try to calm myself that it's OK when I feel I need to go.
Not sure it's getting better but I'm hoping this will work.
Sorry others are going through this, it sucks :(

Sorry to hear it’s still troubling you.
It’s really awful. It’s prevented me from applying for promotions in the past as I know the stress related to this would be too much. And find it so embarrassing so don’t like talking about it.
My brother has the same issue, so wondered if something triggered it. So strange.
Hope it gets better.
I think I’ll need to get help again when we’re back to office working.

Hi there,
Maybe a bit late but i thought maybe it still can help. I truggle(d) with the Same Thing actually i think there are more people struggling with it than you think. First of Im not completely recovered. But im on a good way :) i had The issue for over 4 jears now and im only 22 now. It started with a traumatic experience( no i did not pee my pants :D). I am in therapy since The age of 14 but what really helped me was to inform myself. These two books are my go to:
DARE and overcoming intrusive thoughts. I use The DARE method as Well as The Tips from overcoming intrusive thoughts. I think The issue with The Internet is, you only Post something about an issue when its at your worst. So you dont See many recovering posts becauso as soon as its not an issue for you anymore there is no reason to connect with others. First Thing i would say is search for a good therapist. Maybe someone who works with erp. Thats what i think is the most effektive. Second this may be a lil bit controversial but it helped me so maybe it will help you two. I started when it was at its worst now its a loooot better it does not really keep me away from what i want to do. I started to Set myself little goals alsking how much anxious disconfort can i deal with today. And the most important Thing. Dont. Push. The. Thoughts. Away. Let them be there, sit with them. Thats the only way to Show your brain that there is no real danger. I know its hard because our First Response is to Push it away. So what helps to is remind yourself not every thought is there because it has a deeper meaning. There is no underlying message your brain wants to tell you. Its just an intrusive thought not more :) you are not crazy and your shurely dont need to feel ahamed. Next Thing if there is no way you can let them thoughts come without any help. Wear diapers First. It Sounds stupid but its not. As soon as you realize even when The thoughts come and i sit with them nothing Bad happens you might realize that there is no real danger. Just observe them and mabye even Challenge them. You can also Wear a diaper and go in a public not that bublic place (i know Sounds weird) and then just try to wet your pants. You will realize that its fucking hard to do so. Most importantly do it in your own pace. Start with little Tasks and talk about it with someone you love and trust. I know its hard and i know it feels stupid. Im sorry for everyone who has to go through it. But you can to it!!! Its not a life sentence no matter how long it has been. Finally, again, dont feel ahamed you are not your intrusive thoughts and you can do what ever you want even if your thoughts run wild while doing it. Eventually it will get less and you will Finally feel safe in your body again.

Oh and btw i can understand the shame some people feel about using pads. I want to say again dont use them on a regular base only on the beginning to eliminate the extreme severe fear so that you can use the other techniques without you know, getting a panic Attac. When you do it The right way. When you let your thoughts be there and sit with them you realize there is no real danger. And Finally i am in a long term relationship with a man. (i am a woman) i opened up about it after one jear. I was so afraid. But dont be afraid to fidn yourself a Partner. If he loves you He will understand. When i had to Challenge myself and wore pads, I was afraid. Will he think im crazy. I sayd its ridiculus i dont need them really. He said, yes you do because mental health is also health. So i wanted to add this because. A) if you do it right you dont have to rely on pants but u can use them along your way and thats totally fine. And b) your fears dont Make you less lovable. If you find yourself The right Person they will understand and dont judge.
Dont loose your hope you will get through it!!!

Hi! I’m only 17 and I have that problem. I just graduated high school so i’m going to college this year and as you can imagine it’s pretty scary and i’m really nervous about everything with this fear of wetting myself.
i’ve had this for a year now because i was going to have some school exams and i got scared of the amount of time i had to be in the classroom without going to the bathroom. I don’t know why i started questioning that because i would spend a whole morning without going to the bathroom. I thought that when the exam was over everything would go away but one year later here i am. I will have another exam this week and i’m terrified of having to go to the bathroom but i know it’s okay if i ask to go in the middle of the exam bc i did it on the last one and nobody said no. I started going to a therapist 3 months ago but it’s not going away it’s like i’m getting better but worse at the same time. i know it’s a long process but it’s driving me insane i want to have a normal life and enjoy it with my friends and family.
Do you think that wearing a pad would make me feel safe during this exam? i’m not trying to escape the problem and i’m not planning of wearing it everyday it’s only this time so i don’t get dependent and if i actually wet myself no one will see right?

oh one more thing i also started talking to this boy and i he wanted to be with me but i was really afraid of saying that i needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the date you know. I would feel really embarrassed i afraid of him thinking i was a loser or something. I actually went on the date with him and everything went well i didn’t even think about having to go to the bathroom. Bu then he wanted to be with me again and I just started avoiding him and taking hours to answer his texts until i stop talking to him completely. I felt the worst person ever because i liked him but i didn’t want him to know that i had this fear because of my stupid anxiety. I know that if he really liked me he would help and understand me but what if i tell him and he laughs at me and makes fun of me. Now we don’t talk i texted him explaining that i was wrong and that he deserves a explanation but i was not ready to tell him anything and i only needed space to “treat” myself. What do i do? Am i going to avoid every boy that likes me just because of this? I feel weak and stupid but i’m really tired i just want my life back.

Hey there! Are you still suffering from this? I had this phobia for 5 solid years and it was living hell. I can give you advice if you still need it?

best wishes,
Joanna

@MaystonianJo i also suffer with this. Working from home has made life so much easier but makes the odd commute into the office more stressful!
any tips welcome!! X

Hey Throughtheforest, yes it such a blessing to be able to work from home! I absolutely struggled with agoraphobia as a consequence of this condition as a teen, had to be homeschooled because of it. I’ll try to keep my advice concise on the thread, I naturally have a lot of empathy for this condition so if needs be I’m more than happy to pm you also for support. I wish I had this thread when I was younger! As I felt like the only one.

Okay so I’m not sure if you do this already, but a very important thing to distinguish with the condition is training yourself to separate an understanding of what is a psychological effect, and what is physical. This really helped me make progress and it took years, but comparing how many years I had been convinced of having an ‘accident’ when actually it was my mind playing tricks on me, did help. In the entire 5 years of this condition I never did once wet myself! So make sure you base your progress off facts so you’re always moving forward.

1. psychologically - give yourself the space to acknowledge that when you’re anxious that your senses can be altered. And may not be based on fact.


2. It’s only because we’re allowing ourselves to be super aware of this autonomous bodily function that we’re doubting how it works. I mean we’ve evolved over millions of years to be able to live a full life without having to consciously monitor our bladders, it works on its own after all, so remind yourself to have faith in that.


3. I used my pads as a way of benchmarking my progress, I used to alternate between thicker Pads and panty liners, to test my bravery I guess. If I was doing better I would decide to be brave and go for the panty liner, when you get home at the end of the day - literally give yourself the biggest self applaud for not needing to lean on your safety net much that day. Remind yourself that if you took it away you still would have been fine. And also don’t make yourself feel bad for using them as a tool, it’s part of your tool belt, I stopped making myself feel bad for using them and accepted it - becoming numb or unbothered by them being there is actually useful to desensitising yourself to the trauma. I’ll get to that later -


4. Buy yourself a dress or outfit that is something you just wouldn’t wear because of the condition, and aim towards it. I bought a big flowy yellow dress and called it my freedom dress. At that point I was stuck only wearing black bottoms pretty much, or short skirts. If you’re feeling braver on one of the days, maybe let yourself wear your freedom dress and it will feel really empowering getting closer to your goal.


5. Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s in terms of how long it takes you to get better, :) you’ve got to be patient with yourself and just remember that you will be better one day and that will be liberating.


6. We don’t get better by relaying the issue in our heads, if it feels impossible to remember what it was like before, and that discourages you because you feel that because you’ve forgotten what that was like to be ‘normal’ it’s therefore impossible - this is just a brain lie. Don’t worry. I spent years thinking that if I could just ‘think’ my way out of the issue, then I could solve it, when I started getting better it was because I started slowly forgetting. Use your safety net whatever that may be to allow yourself space to ease your anxiety and forget about it for some of the day, focus on everything in front of you compassionately and engage with your life. Eventually after a year of caring more for the external pleasures of my life, I would get home and actually have forgotten that I put a pad in! I realised that I’ve started ‘forgetting about the condition more’ so I let myself trust myself that If I could go unaided then I’m pretty well over the condition and a little push in effort can go a long way.


7. So, at this stage create a mindful challenge to get through an event without using your safety net (pads) this is how I kicked my 5 year journey, so as I was approaching my 19th birthday I decided to book a camping and festival trip with my best friends where really it’s just awkward to use pads when your outside, wanting to go swimming, won’t have a really private space to change etc. So I didn’t pack any pads. We camped in my childhood village where I had a lot of happy memories, and i compassionately grounded myself, I felt free there having fun and playing where I had those memories. Next when we went to the festival, and I don’t recommend drugs for everyone, but I took shrooms as I had experience being meditative and mindful on them before, they’re known for being a very spiritual drug. I never took them to escape an issue, I used to welcome the fact I had to confront my issues, and find peace with that. I had a really awful trip actually where the phobia was in full 110% swing, had to leave the group, sit in a tent, and I just told myself this is the last time I will have to confront this issue. That I was done. And I persevered.


8. I took myself completely out my comfort zone in that week, following a completely different structure to the one that had kept me stuck for 5 years, no safety net, no clean clothes, no public bathroom to run to, my hair and makeup wasn’t done, I was sun kissed, muddy, with unbrushed hair haha. But I returned home and just grounded myself in those senses of actually feeling free for once! Never returned to the pads, and 6 years later It hasn’t bothered me since :)


9. a friends quote helped me in those times, “You’re always stronger than you think you are” it’s simple but I think it’s really explains how you can think one thing, and convince yourself of it, but in actual fact you are always stronger than you think you are. This phobia is just a lie that we’ve told ourselves so many times that even we start to believe it. All the best with your healing journey anyway, I absolutely believe in you! let me know if you have any more questions !

Best Wishes,
Joanna

Nice to know I'm not the only person with a fear of this, I didn't leave the house for months. What I found helped me the most was go outside more often do things that noramlly scare you even if u feel u may wee urself, bur the more you do it the less likely ur body will make u anxious about wetting urself

Omg same exact story! The only thing is that I developed like a tick, basically I push a little on my bladder to see if i need to go. The only thing is that I'm not really sure if it is a good thing to do, I'm scared that it might develop some kind of desease or cancer, I'm quite scared and I really hope it doesn't!