Sad sad and more sad

[PurpleFrames]

Been in this period of illness for nearly 2yes now. Cba with being suicidal everyday. Just don't want to try any more. I'm so alone and no one really cares.

I care.
Two years is a long time. Are things expected to improve?
Are you able to get out much?

Hi @cakeandchampagne

I am considered to have a severe and enduring mental illness by the NHS. The prognosis is not great. After 5years from diagnosis- 10% of people will have killed themselves, only around 30% will have functional recovery- Being able to work etc.

When I first got poorly I didn't, but now I go to a support group twice a week, an art class and walks. I have two mental health workers, one comes to my house and the other I travel to see. I don't feel like I have friends tho or people that would miss me.

I’m glad you have some helpful things set up. The art class sounds fun! Do you like it? Do your walks give you ideas for your artwork?
I’m sure there are people who think of you a friend, even if they don’t know you very well yet.
Please don’t let statistics discourage you.

I care too

@cakeandchampagne

I do but I find it can make my mood worse as I get upset when I can't do things right and I hate all my work, I can make myself feel useless. I really wish I could have my old life back.

@sockittome123 thank you x

Wow that’s some diagnosis
Severe and enduring?

So what are the nhs doing for you besides the support groups(which are great, shows you are not alone with your diagnosis) and the 2 support workers (also very lucky to have, the state mh is now)

Try to think what it would be like if you had no support?
Do you chat to the others in the group, perhaps you could start to get friends with someone there over time.
Try not to expect things to happen without any input from yourself, they also may be feeling just like you are.

People do care, that’s why you have 2 support workers who are giving you there time and listening to you

@granadagirl

Hi
The support groups are not run by the nhs but actually a local non profit.

I'm undergoing a period of assessment- considered too unstable to have treatment as such for example talking therapy around trauma.

I do think it would be awful, I have had 25+ admissions to hospital in this period- 4 of which lasted more than a few days. You really do have to be very ill to get the support.

I don't find it hard to make friends and other people seem to enjoy my company? But I can think they feel guilty and that's why they hang around or with the support workers they have to see me as they get paid.

I dont hang around with anyone out of guilt. I hang around with people because I like them and enjoy their company. I’m sure your friends are the same. You say they seem to enjoy your company-I’m sure they do or they wouldn’t keep coming back to you/the places you meet.

The support workers are different as you are right, they get paid to be with you. But they can still like you as a person even though it is their job to spend time with you.
It’s really good that you have found your art class, I’m sure that makes a real difference, even though, like you say, sometimes you don’t like what you create. That is completely normal. I often mess around on a keyboard making up little tunes and quite often feel despondent when I can’t get it right,I think that’s a natural feeling to have and one that many creative people feel.

Dear OP, you and your life are worth so very much. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I am currently battling with my mental health, my marriage is crumbling due to my issues. Last night I went to bed and hoped I just wouldn’t ever wake up again. But I have to try and plod on.
I have no constructive advice as I’m in a bad place but I just wanted to reach out and say you are not alone, I think you are amazing and keep up with your art classes x

Thank you for your kind words everyone- I have been having a particularly bad patch the last couple of days but starting to see over the hill.

I'm sorry to hear @Fandoozle1 my illness was triggered by the ending of my long but sometimes abusive relationship. In our last argument he left with with broken ribs and I had a miscarriage. I still miss him every day it's hard. Do you think you can work things through with your partner? X

Purpleframes,
I’m so sorry that you had to experience such violence and devastation, I’m sorry for the loss of your unborn angel. You are better without him, although I appreciate that sometimes can be hard to accept, you deserve so much more from someone than that type of behaviour.

As for me, I hope we can work through it but right now we are at a very very low point. It’s like we love each other but having children ruined my health and the knock on effects have been incomprehensible. I don’t even recognise myself anymore.

It's another lonely day and lonely evening. I am riding round on the bus so not sat in alone. All I can see are friends and families out enjoying themselves 💔

That could be you one day OP - keep hanging in there.

It was me- I don't think it'll be me again. I'm hopeful that I will not be around for much longer, supposed to have tests for serious physical stuff. and then it won't matter anyway

You can have that again.

I’m glad you’re out of that abusive relationship. I’m so sorry about your miscarriage.
When are your tests? Is someone going with you?

@cakeandchampagne

They were supposed to be last week but I cancelled because of being too anxious about the procedure and apathetic around the outcome x

Hello Purple. You’ve been through some terrible experiences and it’s totally understandable that you feel as you do. Please understand that those predictions that you will never be happy again, or have what you see others having are just a result of you being mentally unwell. They are not fact. You are doing so well to be participating in various forms of therapy and this shows that you are actually much stronger than you think you are. Take it one day at a time. I’ve been awake most of the night with suicidal thoughts (depression for several years) and I just try and get through one day at a time when I’m feeling this bad. Although I know it’s bloody tough and awful. Please keep posting, don’t suffer in silence.

When we’re poorly with depression
We think other people are having much better lives than ourselves!!
This is the picture we paint
We don’t know

I suffer really bad anxiety (did have depression with it)
and when I do manage to get out, I look at others my mind tells me
They don’t look scared, there happy
Bet they this, bet they that
But everyone can put a face on, even ME
One day I can manage things, the next I’m full of dread .

Thank you @TellySavalashairbrush I wish I could just wake up and go back to normal. I used to be working, volunteering, have a family and getting dressed is just a hassle now.

I've been physically ill today but will have to get up early tomorrow as my CPN is coming and I have to collect something before she arrives.

I hope you feel better soon @granadagirl

Thank you purple 😊
It’s been a long hard road for me, I’ve had it on/off since early 20’s now I’m 62 and still struggling with this shit.

Just take your time tomorrow morning, don’t rush around and get your wound up. Go and get wants needed and come back and relax. Hope you have a good cpn, who listens to you.

Do you live at home or my yourself ?

Sorry you were ill today. I hope you feel better after some sleep.
Can your CPN reschedule those tests for you?

@granadagirl
This is my second period of illness I'm in my mid 20s and had approx 5yrs during secondary school. Depressing to think this is life huh?
I live alone now I am divorced. My ex is reengagd and buying a new house with his fiancée- there's less than 3monrhs gap between us both.

@cakeandchampagne
I mentioned it to her and she said she can cone with me if I want her to. I will have a think about it as I will have to see GP again first x

Let your CPN go to those tests with you!

Sorry about your divorce- and sorry your ex has moved on so quickly.
Sadly, things like that are not unusual.

Thanks @cakeandchampagne

I had some (more) bad news that my therapy is being stopped as I'm not deemed to be making enough progress

I spoke to the crisis (phone) team just now and they tried to get me to accept an ambulance to a&e for an assessment as so distressed with suicidal thoughts and hatred of this endless suffering.

I got out of it thank God by lieing and saying I will engage with my worker tomorrow. What now I really don't know