God it's all gone horribly wrong, I'm sitting here in floods of tears and my feelings are terrifying me
The kids have gone with PIL to leeds for the weekend, I had no problem letting them go. H came upstairs to talk to me, he was saying that I've been bitchy and rude and he wants me to start being civil. After arguing/tears I said that I couldn't be calm or civil until we'd agreed about custody for the kids as they're my top priority.
He says he's sticking by what he wants (Mon-Fri one week then Fri-Mon the next) and says his parents have offered to pay for the best solicitor they can get so he gets it. He keeps saying over and over why should I have them more than him and I can't answer except I love them more and they're litterally all the family I have
He's been so horrid tonight. Our joint account is £500 overdrawn and he's bullied me into paying that from my tax account (I'm SE) by sitting in front of me shouting until I did it. I told him that a few people have said that it's emotional abuse (I don't know why, he wore me down by being nasty and I didn't know what to say I just wanted to feel stronger) and he laughed and said his family and our friends have said I do it to him. Part of me believes it and I have no idea why and I just started crying more.
He's then quibbled how we split the bills and decided he's paying less (based on money he thinks goes towards my business, even though it's not that much) and what we've split isn't relevant to our income proportion (mines loads less) it's actually half. He reckons he's phoning up child benefit to get it paid to a joint account he has access to instead - will they let him? And he says that he's had his name taken off our joint account so the debt is mine can he do that???
I said if I got a house and the kids were settled I wouldn't mind having my name taken off the mortgage (this was before all the crap above) as there's no equity that I'm owed and I don't want to be a part of it. He said him and his parents (they have a large stake in it) have decided that I should do that anyways. So I said well then I'll be homeless and he said good you'll get a council house quicker... so I said but you'll get custody of the kids.. and he said yeah temporary custody, not a bad thing...????
I can't make sense of my thoughts I'm sobbing my eyes out.
There isn't one solicitor around here that accepts legal aid. I have literally not a penny to my name (and apparently he's highlighted everything I've spent in our last fifty bank statements to show our solicitor I spend out of control - I may overspend but I buy everything he buys nothign) and the kids aren't back for a few days...
There's some stuff around that I don't really want him to see (tax credits etc) but I can't find it... I feel like walking out but I have no idea where to go.
This is the first time I've really sobbed wishing my mum was still around and I feel so guilty