How can I access help?

[LittleLeaps]

I have a long history of mental health problems, that I've never really received much help for to be honest. But I had some counselling from camhs when I was a teenager and a few counselling sessions when I was in my late teens. I tried to get some counselling when my eldest was 12 months but I was put on a waiting list for a year then missed the phone call (My phone was being repaired, by the time I'd got the voicemail I'd missed my opportunity and would have had to wait another year at least - back to the bottom of the list), I was classed as in crisis when assessed. Now I have a 3 month old and things are bad, I've started self harming again and I fantasize about killing myself every day, I have a plan I know how I'd do it the only thing that stops me is my baby won't take a bottle.
She is exclusively breastfed and will starve herself rather than take a bottle so even if by some miracle I could get counselling I couldn't go because nobody will look after her. I've told my doctor how I'm feeling and I wasn't even offered anti-depressants so I don't think he even believes me when I say how bad things are.
I don't know where to turn to help, I have no childcare, no support at home (my partner refuses to even listen to how I feel), I live in a shit hole because my baby still feeds every hour for ages at a time and my partner does nothing at all in the home. I have to feed and care for our elder daughter as well who is playing up because she wants attention that I can't give her. I am trapped in a situation that I can't see any way out of and I can't even see how to access help.

I'm terrified of what I'll do, I don't want to leave my children because I don't want to hurt them - and I don't believe that they're father is capable of taking care of them due to the fact that he can't even take care of himself.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Perinatal mental health team. Either ask your GP (maybe try and see a different one as the last one you saw sounds rubbish) for a referral or call your Health Visitor.

Another option (not ideal, but if you are in crisis it is an option) is to go to A&E.

Please phone your health visitor or Gp (see a different one) for some help.

Not sure what area you are in but can you self refer to mental health services while you speak to health visitor?

A&E is always an option.

If you can’t get anywhere with the doctor, you might be able to self-refer via IAPT.

Otherwise, many branches of MIND offer free or low-cost counselling so it’s worth contacting them.

If you google “free counselling near me”, charities that offer this will pop up.

It sounds like private therapy might not be affordable for you, but many private therapists do offer low-cost sessions to a proportion of their caseload, it’s worth enquiring. As your baby is only three months, you may be able to take her with you to sessions, some counsellors are fine with this.

Best of luck x