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Original poster

Got second letter from Social services this morning...

46 replies

juicychops · 11/08/2007 09:02

feel like im gunna be sick my stomach is turning so much.
i have done nothing wrong NOTHING at all.
I know its my next door neighbours complaining about me.

last year they 'invited' me around their house then started telling me how wrong it is to raise your voice or shout at children and they dont agree with it.

few months ago i got a letter from social services saying they have had a complaint regarding my son's safety and now i have got another one. and this time they want to come round my house.

i feel utterly embarrassed and humiliated and the worst parent in the world i dont know what to do. im not going to deny shouting at my ds cos i do, but i dont go stupid and crazy, i do it constructively its the way i tell him off.
feel so crap right now feel like a total failure and just want to move house now. i dont know why they are doin this to me

OP posts:
Bubble99 · 11/08/2007 09:04

How old are your neighbours? Do they have children?

Bubble99 · 11/08/2007 09:06

I think that SS have to investigate. So don't feel that they are necessarily taking your neighbours' account as the truth.

Original poster
juicychops · 11/08/2007 09:07

They are about late 30s early 40s and they have a dd a few months younger than ds. I know its the woman rather than the man

OP posts:
Bubble99 · 11/08/2007 09:09

How old is your DS?

snowwonder · 11/08/2007 09:09

how horrid for you

try to stay positive you know you havent anything to hide,

i get stressed and shout at my girls....

do you feel you would benefit from any ss support, they arent all bad???

Original poster
juicychops · 11/08/2007 09:10

what makes it worse is that my ex's mum (ds nan) neither of them see my ds and havent for over a year. she is a social worker for the same borough and if she sees this on record she is gunna have a field day and try and make things awful for me. she would like nothing more than to ruin my life as she thinks i ruined her sons life

OP posts:
Nemo2007 · 11/08/2007 09:10

I honestly would try not to worry. SS haveto follow up a complaint if it is made twice so they are bound to home visit. I can understand about the shouting as I do shout at Ds to get my point across when time out and talking to him does not work at all.As long as you are not calling him all names under the sun etc I wouldnt worry.

snowwonder · 11/08/2007 09:11

oh i think you need to make this aware to whoever the letter is from....

Original poster
juicychops · 11/08/2007 09:11

my ds is 2.6 at least when they have visited they will see for themselves there is nothing wrong with ds and he is a normal happy child. feel like everyone is out to get me now

OP posts:
footprints · 11/08/2007 09:12

Juicychops, that's awful! I can't imagine a parent who NEVER shouts at their child....I've certainly never met one. Sometimes when I tell dd off, without shouting at all, she screams blue murder as though someone was killing her horribly.

How old is your ds?

footprints · 11/08/2007 09:15

Sorry, cross post.

I guess SS do have to follow up everything as imagine what would happen if the didn't and it was a genuine problem.

Original poster
juicychops · 11/08/2007 09:21

yeah, i know they have to follow everything up. it just makes me look and feel like im abusing my son or im an unfit parent. how can anyone make a parent feel like that when they are doing nothing wrong? i feel like a criminal

OP posts:
snowwonder · 11/08/2007 09:24

could you talk to neighbours?

Dottydot · 11/08/2007 09:30

This is very easy for me to say and if I was in the same position I'd feel sick too, but try and stay positive - this is a chance for you to prove very easily that you're a good parent. Let social services come round and see for themselves - they'll see a happy child and you can talk to them about how all this has possibl come about - how your neighbours seem to be very sensitive to noise etc. Just try to stay calm and keep things very constructive. I wouldn't talk to the neighbours about it at the moment, I'd have the visit first - sounds like you're sure it's the neighbours but could it have been ds's nan?

crokky · 11/08/2007 09:31

juicychops: I would think it is highly unethical for your son's nan to become involved in a professional capacity. If she saw it, she would have to leave it alone as it involves her family. If she blabbed it, having seen it, you could report her for being unprofessional.

I sometimes raise my voice at mine and this is usually to alert them to danger/something serious - ie something hot etc. Perhaps you could explain to SS that this is why you shout.

Let SS come, show them calmly that all is fine. I would avoid badmouthing your neighbours as it will achieve nothing. Just concentrate on you and your DCs, have it all tidy and keep calm. It should be OK!

Original poster
juicychops · 11/08/2007 09:31

i will this morning. i knocked 10 mins ago but the woman was still in bed so il knock again in a while. i confronted har last time but she denied it, although she looked as guilty as anything.

i hate her. its so too faced. why could she not speak to me if she has a problem with me. she used to say she's always here for me if i need help as she knows i struggle with ds on my own sometimes. she has no idea what its like bein on your own with a child as she has never had to be on her own.she is just interfering in my life and making me feel terrible asbout myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
juicychops · 11/08/2007 09:34

no, its definately not anything to do with the nan

OP posts:
macmama73 · 11/08/2007 09:35

When I was about 14 a policeman came to the door, my parents asked me to come and speak to him. I stood in the doorway with my parents behind me while he said that there had been an anonymous report that the daughter of the house was being abused. I said, no that is not true and off he went.

We assume it was a strange joke that someone was playing on us.

The thing that occured to us though, was if I had been being abused, I wasn't likely to say so with my parents standing next to me.

These days these kind of reports are taken more seriously, and rightly so. But that also means that SS are used to being called out where there is no smoke and no fire, iykwim. When they get a look at you and your home and your DC, then they will realise that it is a hoax.

It is a horrible thing to do and I understand oyu being very upset about it. Do you get on ok with your other neighbours?

McEdam · 11/08/2007 09:35

Juicychops, what an awful situation to be in. Make sure you tell social services that your MIL works for them and you are concerned about confidentiality. Ask for reassurance that your MIL will not have access to any information about you. She shouldn't anyway, but worth pointing it out to them.

Original poster
juicychops · 11/08/2007 09:40

i will mcedam. i mentioned this on the phone last time, although i was quite hysterical so not sure he understood what i was saying, but he said no record will be kept on the system of it. But it obviouslt has if they know this is the second one.

ive never spoken to my other neighbours. they are a very young couple and they haven't been there very long and they are always out anyway. im confident it wasn't them

OP posts:
SecondhandRose · 11/08/2007 09:41

Juicy chops,if they are going to pay you a visit try and have a friend or someone you trust there with you so you can both listen rationally to what is said.

Don't presume they think you are guilty because they are coming.

snowwonder · 11/08/2007 09:41

please try not to let it get to you as hard as it is you known the truth,

last week i got the most awful email from a neighbour she sent it 10 mins before she moved out the street, and she told me whata terrible single parent i am .. that my dad has kids all the time etc (he has them every 6 weeks for one night) she also said how i favour one child obver the other and that they would be better with there dad etc etc.....

i was horrified... because it was all lies and she knew hardly any facts about me... and sent me an email in the most cowardly way.

and at the end of the day i had to think i dont care what she thinks, as she means nothing to me, my family and close friedns praise my parneting and they actually know me and know my girls.....

yeah i am not sure it is good to confront them as hard as it may be

Original poster
juicychops · 11/08/2007 09:47

snowwonder thats horrible. i just dont know how people can do things like that.

i know i haven't done anything wrong. she may not agree with my parenting methods but i dont care. its just the fact she contacted social services. and the stigma that goes with social services being involved in a situation regarding your child and parenting. i know maybe i shouldn't say anything, but i have to confront her just so she knows that i know its her

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macmama73 · 11/08/2007 09:51

I agree with having a friend there. And write down any questions that strike you beforehand so that you don't forget.

What a horrible witch your neighbour is

totaleclipse · 11/08/2007 09:53

Dont confront her, she will know she has got to you otherwise, also as she is clearly a liar, it could be the police on your doorstep next claiming you have verbally abused her, I have a neighbour just like her, I ignore and never retaliate, and I know that bugs the hell out of her.