Please talk me down from the edge

[trudygarland]

I have a daughter and a husband. I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world and yet the most hopeless. Samaritans took too long to answer. Help

Oh that's rubbish, what a pain. Can you get to the surgery yourself & explain in person that you need to be seen? I'm sorry, I don't live in the UK any more so not sure how the NHS works these days - but badly, it seems. As a pp says, A&E might be your best bet.

But please know that your DH & DD love you & need you, they really do.

Wishing you strength & sending love, you can get through this

can you self refer to your local crisis team? Happy to look up numbers other than Samaritans if you could say where abouts you live

Honestly, reading what you've said you've got nothing to be ashamed about. Things aren't right for you at the moment and you need a plan in place to get that sorted. Sometimes bring seen by a crisis team helps to get that in motion.

I am making a diary of all my lowest points so that when I am seen, there is a log of everything I have felt. My last doctor was amazing and so understanding compared to previous ones but it takes a month to be seen by him again. I have made myself a cup of tea and settled myself in front of the telly with a blanket to try to fall asleep again at some point. Monday isn't too far away so hopefully I can work towards being in a better frame of mind x

Willing you through OP. Focus on breaking out into a good day 🌞🌞🌞

@lovelilies the nearest A&E is 14 miles away so would need an ambulance, I'm not at that point yet and that would make me even more shamed right now

What about a SPA number? I only know the West London one, but you should have a local one if you are in England. And sometimes they can refer you to the appropriate service directly?

@Ceebs85 the crisis team number only works 9-5 mon-fri where I am but thank you.

Thanks for the words of encouragement, really appreciate it at the moment x

I have felt numb all evening but I've just been in floods of tears so I'm clearly feeling something at the moment. Will try to be more assertive on Monday morning if I can hold out, I definitely need to be seen and I'm going to try to avoid apologising for the way I feel x

Could you say what is making you feel so down and being so upset about everything. I am sure someone can offer some help.

Im listening from the USA, you have Mums around the world listening to you and holding you up.

Maybe find a TV show you used to watch when you were little, something that made you laugh, try watching a couple of episodes tonight with a cup of tea and a cozy blanket

Hi op, I don't have any advice. But, I was where you are probably around this time last year. Obviously I don't know your situation but I was bullied out of my jab and property hit rock bottom.
I was drinking far too much and could not see a way out.

I am not there now.

Things WILL get better for you. The fact that you have created this thread tonight shows you are ready to help yourself ( please don't take that in any way other than it is meant)
We are all behind you @trudygarland

Fuck. Sake. Job. Not jab 🤬

No judgment here trudygarland. You sound incredible, because even feeling the way you do you were able to come here and post and talk to us. Because you want to get through this. That’s amazing and WELL DONE you for taking that step. Don’t you dare feel ashamed.

One foot in front of the other, you need to get through tonight first and foremost. Sounds trite but can you put on the TV or an audiobook to give yourself some background noise?

If things still feel really really bad remember A&E is always an option.

Thanks Trudy

Just a bit down...

Hi Trudy, I know how you're feeling, I suffer with bad depression on and off for years, sometimes I get so bad I remove myself from all my family as it's easier for me. I lose all patience I have for everyone and and don't see things properly, this is when I know I'm bad. My family can't deal with me when I get like this I think its because they feel helpless and don't know what to say or do for me so I remove myself (as in cut contact for awhile but text so they know I'm still here). On my last really bad episode I finally went on medication and stuck with it, it took about 6 weeks of hell and not wanting to be alive before it kicked in and I started to feel normal again (whatever normal is). I spent 10 months on those meds and i begged the doc to take me off them as I felt stupid taking them.With depression there doesn't have to be anything that triggers it it just happens, everything feel so bad and it hurts like hell because you feel like nothing you can do can change it. You feel guilty because you can't fix it and feel it's just silly and your wasting people's time. When I was bad last time an old friend got in touch and I spoke to her about how I was feeling for some reason I felt better after, maybe because I unburdened myself. Just know that you are important, it would be worth going to counselling just to have someone to unburden yourself to and get your doc to change your meds until you find one that suits you. Sending you lots of hugs xxx

@lisasimpsonssaxophone I have literally just curled up with friends on the tv and hope to fall asleep shortly, will get into bed at some point and my Dh and dd will never know...I want protect them both from this but i know that I have to persevere with the doctor and meds situation. Goodnight all, thank you for talking me down tonight. X x

Waving to you on a beautiful spring day in New Zealand. I've been where you are, on many occasions. It's hell. But there are so many listening ears in this community, that you truly are never alone. So many of us understand that awful, awful dark place. Believe me, nothing is forever, and you need to keep the faith that it will all be ok. Keep talking, if you feel up to it, or do as the previous kind poster from the USA suggested, and cuddle up with a favourite show, warm drink and a cozy blanket. You are surrounded by friends and loving family. I'll be here for as long as you like, as will many others, I know. Sending warm thoughts and understanding x

Just to add it will get better, you will feel better at the moment your at your lowest you can only go up from here, just keep talking xxx

trudygarland (great username!) there's no shame in how you feel or any need to apologise, there really isn't. And absolutely no shame at all in reaching out for help, it takes strength to do that.

buttonz sendind a handhold, love & strength to you as well

I've not got much in terms of advice but just wanted to say Hi, and that I hope you get the support you need and deserve x Well done reaching out

Samaritans aren't the only mental health helpline. Have you googled "mental health helpline"? Best if you do it rather than us as you'll also get ones local to you not just the national ones.

I can't give you an entirely positive story of my own as I'm currently housebound with my own MH issues and really struggling but I've had periods of wellness over the last 10+ years since I became most unwell

But I've friends who've overcome serious depression, are managing bipolar, depression, social anxiety, health anxiety etc there are positive stories out there. There might be some on the mind website?

Re meds feel free to tell us what you've tried and what your experience of them has been we might be able to make suggestions of better/other meds to try?

Sounds trite but a phrase I depend on is

"This too shall pass" no feeling lasts forever, I've had it drummed into me that the body simply can't sustain the long term chemical production of hormones etc to maintain one feeling long term. Even if you're "not feeling completely shit" moments are few and far between at the moment try and note when they happen so you van remind yourself when you are feeling completely shit that even eg this week you weren't feeling like that ALL the time - a reminder of the light at the end of the tunnel which I know at times can feel like the tiniest pin prick but it's still there.

You ARE loved and wanted and you sound a kind thoughtful person.

When you call gp surgery next time tell them it IS urgent (because it is, just because it's MH doesn't mean it isn't, I've had to learn that one myself - following a "ticking off" from GP for accepting not being able to get an appointment as I felt guilty classing it as urgent.) if they're arses about it ask to speak to practice manager and be honest and tell them you were on verge of going to a&e you were that bad!

Unfortunately with cuts etc we are having to shout louder than ever to be heard. Be very clear "I am VERY unwell and I NEED HELP NOW"

Do not hesitate to go to a&e if you become any worse.

I can't offer much, but I'm offering a hug. Just existing (even when everything on paper seems perfect) can be tough. Hug.

One of the fucked up things about medication for depression is that the side effects often include and increased risk in suicide which as a lay person sounds completely counter intuitive.

However it does take time for them to become effective when in the short term they might seem to and do have negative effects.

My only advice is to make a massive effort to stick with it. Realise this won’t last forever. Just keep on pushing on.

hi.
www.crisistextline.uk/
try these maybe?...x